A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I have been in a relationship for 1 year and 5 months. I feel at this point that i was in over my head when i got together with my current girlfriend. I fell in love early in the relationship before i really got to know her. Before the relationship started i was made aware that she was romantic with a co-worker of hers. I was also told she is a "drama queen" but the info was coming from a girl so i quickly disregarded it because the girl who gave me the information is classified as "drama queen" in my book. My girlfriend insisted during the first few months of our relationship on hanging out with this co-worker friend of hers whom she states she never had sex with. I questioned her and emphasized that i knew he was the co-worker i was made aware of prior to the relationship kicking off. She denied it. I allowed her to hang out with the co-worker (which to this date she does not remember me allowing her to go out with this gentleman). 3 days after she hung out with him she admitted having sexual relations with him in the past 3 months prior to our relationship beginning and that they are only friends. She tried getting me to be his friend but i felt extremely uncomfortable knowing that i was becoming friends with someone that had sex with my girlfriend.I let her know how i felt about the situation and she did nothing but throw a tantrum. The gentleman in question was aware i was not happy and "ended" his friendship with her. Time rolled by (maybe 1 month). I asked my girlfriend if she can bring me something to eat during her lunch break. At first she agreed, then she quickly changed her response and said she didn't feel like going out for lunch. I walked back to my desk, something told me to get up and look for my girlfriend. Sure enough i found her in the lunch room talking with the gentleman in question. ( She later admitted to agreeing with him that they will be "secret friends")I buried her second lie and we agreed that i need to put my issues aside and have all of us be friends. 1 month later i found a series of texts on her phone where he was being very poetic and suggestive. The first text was about his penis and the rest of the texts were about meeting up and how much he needs her. (The gentleman in question has been with his girlfriend for more than 2 years and they were already living together)She admits to talking sexual with him but she says she never cheated on me...It's been about a year and I've been living in misery ever since i found those text messages.She says they are no longer friends.I've noticed a change in my demeanor, i am no longer the same man i was. I feel abused physically and mentally. I have a shorter temper, i feel bipolar.Should i get over this issue or should i get over the girl?
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cheated on me, co-worker, fell in love, text Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 May 2009): leave now. all you're doing is prolonging the inevitable. you owed it to both of you to leave a long time ago.
if you were writing to say "agonizing - can't get over this issue - what do i do?," my response would be different. but that's not what you're saying. you've already made up your mind on the relationship, but you're scared to take the leap. just do it. no good will come of this.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 May 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you for your responses. I see most of the responses are from men, i hope i will get a females point of view although I'm inclined to think that the response of the opposite sex would be very similar.
After the text situation i have not found evidence of her cheating on me or talking romantically with other people. Then again i can't monitor her every move, i can't be around her all the time, i can't prevent anything. She insists that she has changed;
At this point in our relationship she is blaming all our problems on me. I agree, i am no longer seeking a reason to be with her, I'm seeking a reason to leave her and feel that i made the right decision.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (18 May 2009): You're getting played.
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A
male
reader, passionatelynumb +, writes (18 May 2009):
 This girl sounds like she's playing you for the fool. Any self-respecting girl would go through the roof if their boyfriend was sending sexual texts to another girl. She knows what she is doing is wrong. She just thinks she can snow you and do whatever she wants behind your back.
I would move on and find someone you don't have to share with a past fling.
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A
male
reader, LazyGuy  +, writes (18 May 2009):
 Sbe is making you feel like this right now. Do you have any reason to believe things will change?
You seem to think that a relationship should be exclusive. She doesn't. Either you give up on what you belief or give up on this girl.
Sometimes things just don't work out. Is it worth all this heartache just for what exactly? the fact that you are asking suggest you already know the answer. Be true to yourself.
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