A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I have found an ex lover after being apart for 8 and a half year.We have been in contact by phone and computer for the last 16 months. we are both married. I have been married for 9 years 10 months. He has been married around 4 or 5 years. he says he has never really been unhappy in his marriage. they had broke up once before marrying because he thought she was cheating on him. she convinced him it was just because he was insecure because of how his past women had done him. so they got .back together and she was pregnant so they got married, she already had a four year old of her own, he had no kids. now they have another child almost one. i have one child eight years old. we finally decided to meet, his idea, we instantly felt comfortable with eachother, he said it felt comfortable,but wrong. I thought it felt comfortable also, but not wrong. i felt that we always have belonged together and deserve to have a second chance at this real love that we both share with one another. i was the one that made the mistake of not going with him when he asked me to cause i was young and did not feel someone as good as a person as he was could actually love me. So i did not go with him and lost him forever i thought, i hated myself for this and punished myself for hurting him the way that i was told by his friends that i had. i stayed with someone that i was not happy with but loved me. i never stopped looking for him thou. we finally were in contact and have seen eachother twice now a week and a half apart. the first time for two days and the second time for three days and one whole night....it was the happiest times in my life since i first met him. i have not been as happy as i was with him until now that i have spent time with him again. his wife goes out with single friends of hers and he only goes with married friends. she dont work and has been in college for like 7 years she stays all night with her girlfriends after clubbing why he takes care of the kids after working all night, but he dont mind he loves his kids and his wife. thats the hard part he does love her, he says she reminded him of me when he first me her. but he also says since he has been with me again he knows that he cannot make any promises but that there are feeling there, strong ones. he wants her to be the one to break their family up if indeed its going to be broke up he dont want his kids to think of him as the one who broke up their family. so im confused im thinking that means if she was to leave him he would be with me. he has also said if it happens we would just have to tell the kids mom and dad just were not happy and had to do this to be happy. so is he happy or not....im thinking he was happy til he was with me again now he know his trur happiness is with me and he was happy with her because he never thought he would ever see me again and made himself fall in love with her. he told me he thought about me all the time just felt that i chose the other guy my husband today over him so he felt i must be happy no need to look for me but thought of me all the time...we have had great times again since we have reunited....we cant stand to be apart but its a long distance between us and expensive to keep going back and fourth. I dont want to rush him into making a decision cause then i might lose him. I know deep in my heart that he is the one for me and i am the one for him. i feel that is why i never was able to fall deep in love with my husband because i always had strong feelings for this guy and did not want to fall in love with anyone but him. what should i do. should i just divorce my husband so im not holding him down from getting the most out of life. i want my husband to be happy and i know i cant give him the happiness he deserves because my heart is with the other guy. I have stayed with him for our daughter. the other guy does not want to hurt his children. he says his wife has been his best friend, so its a hard situation and not sure what to do but when he is with me he is happy and know feelings are still there..we feel as if we have never been apart and especially not for ten years. neither of us have changed much. what do we do now? do i give him time to see if she will leave him because she is not happy? or see if he will leave her and tell her he is just not happy to keep her from finding out about us? we talk everyday morning mid day and night. hopefully we will atleast see eachother atleast once a month.that is until we are together again just the two of us not his wife and not my husband...
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best friend, broke up, clubbing, divorce, insecure, long distance Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 April 2009): this is reality, somehow your reality is just not that.
he is married, you are as well. how do you know that his wife is the problem in this marriage? because he told you? a bit biased perhaps?
he will not leave his wife. just watch as time flies. he will still be married because HE WANTS to. you will just have to accept being his mistress. is this what you want. you are already that so what is going to change?
A
reader, anonymous, writes (29 April 2009): As of this period in time, I think you're living with false hopes that they'll ever split up. He loves his kids and she's his best friend so it seems unlikely. He also thinks it's wrong to be seeing you which is another indicator that he's likely to stay put. In any case, there's no guarantee that he'd set up home with you if you all got divorced, he might decide to see what else is out there besides yourself once he was free to spread his wings.
I hope you realise what sort of heartbreak lies ahead if your respective spouses discover what's going on - and they eventually will - it'll be like all hell has broken loose and there will be many people very upset by it all.
By the way, I was determined to wade through your question to try to understand it - if you ask another one could you please use a few paragraphs and split the thing up to make it readable?
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