A
female
age
51-59,
*azed-n-confused
writes:Me and my first love reconnected through FB after 20 yrs, were both single but live in different states. This is kinda a long one. sorryI dont even know where to begin, how about at the beginning. We met when we were both 15, he was a lifeguard at the local pool. I went almost daily during the summer with my best friend. One day we are there and a little boy swims up to me and asks me my name. Then he pointed at this lifeguard and said he wants to know. Im thinking i was in trouble for something so i told the little guy. Then he swam back over and asked me if i had a boyfriend, and i answered no, then the next thing i know the lifeguard dove off his platform and swam to my side of the pool and started talking to me and he stayed and talked to me during his break. Right before i left for the day he asked me for my number, i told him that i was not allowed to give out my number, my family is very religious and i had to ask my parents before i gave anyone my number, he was ok with that answer, then he asked me if i would be at the pool tomorrow. I said i would be and i gave him my number after a few days. He asked me out, i asked my parents and they said i could as long as he went to church once, i told him that, and he showed up to church. Our first date came around and he stood me up, i guess his car broke down, so i shrugged it off... So the next day at the pool he came right up to me and told me he was sorry. And then asked if i could go out to a movie this weekend, i told him i could but it had to be chapperoned. He was fine with that, and when he came to pick me up at my door my dad answered it and met his mother. I still remember what he was wearing and what shoes he had on.It turns out in addition to a very cute lifeguard he was a football jock, and a skater boy. He was on the football team and i would go to his school on the weekend to watch him play, there was once a scrimage match between my school and his. I cheered on his school vs mine, my friends were not to happy about that. We eventually split up, we quit talking and just lost contact. He was too busy working on his car, then to spend time with me. One weekend my friend threw a party, and i went of course and i met boy #2 that became my new boyfriend, and then later my husband. We stayed up watching MTV while everyone else was being drunks. 2 weeks later this same friend had another party and the guy i met at the last party showed up with another girl, i was disappointed but not terribly. So then enters boy #3, this boy asked me if i wanted to go with them to get some food, so why not, we all went to the same school i knew them just not well. 3 weeks later, my friend asks me to got to a party with her, and i told her i would turns out it was at the lifeguards house, she was dating him, i was crushed im still not sure why but i was, so boy #3 was there and as soon as i walked in the door, he gave up his seat and fought with his friend about who got to sit next to me, priceless. It turns out the boy #3 could see something was wrong so he asked, and i told him, he asked me if i wanted to go for a ride and get out of there, so i said yes and 2 weeks later boy #3 asked me to be his girlfriend. I said yes, i didn't see him much, he lived with his dad 2 hours away, he came up every weekend to his moms, and to see me, so one night we went to his friends turns out boy #2 and boy #3 were best child friends and i had no clue. So here we all are all boy #3's house. Boy #3 asked me out. I said no of course as i was seeing boy #2. Eventually me and boy #2 broke it off on good terms. He just lived to far away at the moment. #3 swooped in and pestered me until i would say yes. Needless to say he was my first adult experience. I whound up running away from home and getting pregnant. Geez i was a mess. Boy #3 decided he would start cheating on me while im prego with his child. Boy #1 re-enters the picture and tells me he loves me and that he is sorry for anything he did and that he wants me back. I told him im prego with boy #3, he said he knows and didn't care, that he would marry me and take care of the baby and me. He even made sure to buy a mini truck that would fit a car seat. So i left the father and went with boy #1 again. We were thick as thieves again. I loved him so much, we talked about getting married when we turned 18 and after graduating high school. we talked about moving to vegas to work at the casinos and so much more. I loved him so much.Boy #3 re-enters the picture, i didn't love him anymore, but he is the father of my child. MY mother insisted that i make it right before god and marry him. I did. I was still madly in love with boy #1. It crushed him, my own sister didn't come to the wedding cause she knew it was wrong. Needless to say me and boy #3 did not work out, he continued to cheat on me and then he started hitting me. Boy #1 was still there and was waiting to take me away. I filed for an annulment and found out you cant annul if you have a child. Well hell. Me and boy #3 split and me and boy #1 got back together. Basically we went back and forth for the next 2 years. Boy #1 turned 18 and wanted to marry me, unfortunatly in my crazy mind i wanted to stay with boy #3 and work it out, since he was the father of my child. Boy #1 met and married another. She was the spitting image of me. They even had a son, he joined the service and moved out of state. By '92 me and #3 were done altoghter, i dated others and i ran into him again briefly at a bar. I was with that boy that i moved out of state with in '96 to be near my sister. While im living out of state i get a call from my mom and she tells me she has a message for me. Boy #1 called my parents and left a message for me to call him. She didn't pass this info on for a few weeks not sure what to do with it since i was involved and she didn't want to rock that boat. When she did finally tell me i waited another 2 weeks thinking about it. I finally dialed and the number was disconnected. Damn lost him again. Flash forward to '10, i found him via one of our mutual friends on FB, he accepted right away, i discovered that he now lived in Seattle, he was single and so on. At the moment i was taken, and he commented here and there on some of my posts. Oct. '10, me and the guy split, i changed my status to complicated, and eventually to nothing. We commented back and forth on things and nothing more until, Nov '10 was his birthday and i wished him a happy one, no big deal, then a few days later he posted something about being at the bar on an overcast night, and i posted somehthing about going to the drive in with my girls. He commented and said didnt we do that for out first date. I was shocked that he remembered. Then a few days pass and he posts something about being older, and blah blah, so i commented saying that i could never bowl, i wear glasses to see and i have small feet. Then he commented about the times we would park in the bowling alley parking lot checking out the stars. I was shocked again that he remembered and i commented great memories, good times, good times. his comment was "there can be more goofball". I didnt know how to take this, so being ballsy and mouthy i commented "bring it on, im not getting any younger". He commented "so i have permission to flirt??" I then messaged him and spilled my guts, how sorry i was for marrying idiot, and that i hope he could forgive me, and that i have missed him and so on. We have been emailing ever since, then a few weeks ago he starts im'ing me on FB, and messaging me. It was the holidays, and i told him i wont be on much since my family will all be here and i will be tied up entertaining them. He understood completly, then after my family went home i messaged him back, he sent me 3 in 2 days. I told him i was tied up and i am sorry. Then i got ballsy and told him that im not on FB that much but if he would like to call me or text me heres my number. He then im'd me and asked me what was good times for both, i told him text anytime, and call after 5 my time. Last friday was the first time he called me, apparently my phone was turned off, cause he messaged me on FB saying that he called and send me a text. We are now talking and texting everyday. Last monday he was drinking and called me and told me all this stuff like that i was his girl, and always will be, that he loved me and so on. He told me he had to get up for work early and we cut the convo short, I turned off my phone and went to bed. The next morning there were 5 missed calls and 5 vm's from him. One he told me he was listening to Pearl Jam, the next was him singing a stone temple pilots song to me, the next was him playing a guns n roses song for me, the next was woman answer your phone, and the very last was "its gonna be really crazy when your" my first name and his last name. I about fell over the next day when i heard all this.It is now friday. We texted all day tuesday, and nothing on wednesday, then thursday he called and texted and he told me he was afraid to call me because of the messages and hoped he didnt freak me out. Of course i told him it didn't, it really did but im ok with it now.So finally here is my point and question. With all of our communication again, the calls the texts, i have fallen for him again. I think the feeling is mutual, he told me he's coming to see me after the holidays, and he sent me a pic via text, he is still very handsome. The problem is i thought that i buried all these thoughts and feelings for him 20 years ago. Now that we are talking they are flooding back. I have told him that he is the love of my life and my first love, he told me the same. Do i let him come here? I am really afraid of getting him back and loosing him again. What do i do? I live 2000 miles away. I know that he has told his brother and his mother that we are talking again, and he has told his friends and co workers about me. What does all this mean??
View related questions:
best friend, co-worker, crush, drunk, flirt, got back together, moved out, split up, text, wedding Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, dazed-n-confused +, writes (13 January 2011):
dazed-n-confused is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI forgot this tidbit in my last post. I asked him what he wanted out of this. He said he wanted to fall in love with his sweetheart again. I melted. My birthday rolled around the other day, and he called of course and sang me a song over the phone. His voice is not a singers voice lol. But he loves to sing to me. Is he for real?? Do i believe him.
A
female
reader, dazed-n-confused +, writes (13 January 2011):
dazed-n-confused is verified as being by the original poster of the questionUPDATE
Since my posting the communication had continued. Over Christmas i went to see my family out of state and he called me everyday just to hear my voice. One of these evenings i was out with a male friend and i talked to him of course, but cut our conversation short. The male friend mind you I have not seen in 6 years and he moved to Northern Cal. The next day he called much earlier than normal and was concerned about said friend. I told him there is nothing to worry about and that we are just friends. Just catching up, hanging out. He then admitted that he felt jealous and that he hasnt felt that in a very long time. I reassured him and hes fine now. New years eve he texts me to send him pics so i did. One of them was a silly one of me and a bird and he replies dammit woman i love you. I was a tad on the drunk side and told him that i loved him too. Oops. Then at midnight he called and gave me a new years kiss through the phone, it was sweet. On my way home a few days later he calls me and we talk and he told me he loved me.. And then texted a few minutes later that he knows he said it on the phone but he has to say it again.. I love you...
Now we talk everyday, and i must admit, i have fallen for him again hard, he has now set a date and asked me to look up fares for him since im much better with computers than he is. So i told him the rates and he was fine with it. Then he told me what he would like to accomplish for those few days. 1 see me, 2 see his gma, 3 go see his dad, 4 spend alone time with me. 2 & 3 he would like me to go along.
My head is spinning more and more each day. He has called me again by my first name and his last. I am so afraid of this. I just dont want to be crushed. I am freaked. What do i do?? Im trying to convince myself that he is a long distance pen pal up until he shows up, when he shows up its all over.
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (18 December 2010): First, figure out what you want out of life.
Second, stop looking at things in the past as if things are still the same now.
Third. Analyze the situation. Herein lies the problem for many. You operate primarily on an emotional basis and fail to stand back and analyze the picture from a more rational perspective. In part I blame the education system for failing to provide you the skills to critically analyze.
You ramble on and tell a story of your life.
You need to smarten up. Take a look at this guy. What is his real situation? What are the answers based on the REAL evidence...not what you imagine things to be and/or want/hope them to be. If you get involved, what are the logistics going to be? Stop acting like a school girl and coming off like "oh my, he texted me and sang a song...blah blah blah". Yes, this may be charming you but think with more than just this side of your brain.
Grow up and make some decisions based on some well thought out analysis from various perspectives. If you don't, your life is going to end up being a string of meaningless trysts. Someone you may encounter who would truly be a good match for you may look at your past and move on because your actions seem fleeting.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 December 2010): aaahhh this is so terrible, what is the question!!! are you really tied down to your area at all? If not I would completely, utterly take a plunge.I know you might not be as young and daring as you once were (although it sounds like for the most part you weren't allowed to be) but this is your time. Be selfish, take care of you, make the biggest and sounds like the best decision of your life. at least if it doesn't work out, for real, instead of just being interupted by other players, you can finally feel like you two gave it your all.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (17 December 2010): You only lost him before, because you thought that you were making the right choice... I don't blame you. I might have done the same. You should definately catch up with him and see him in person, if you still have all of these old feelings for him (which you probably do) and try to take it slow. Calm down and breath. I think it means he still has feelings for you. If its really love, it will work no matter how far apart you guys are
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (17 December 2010): It sounds to me like he's coming on a little too strong, too fast for you--and I don't blame you for wanting to take a step back and catch your breath. Tell him you'll be happy to see him but that you'd like to take things slower and get to know one another again. What does it all mean? Only time will tell.But if you want things to work out, you two need to slow things down and, most of all, become friends again and talk about things other than romance. Also, don't have sex with him yet. That needs to wait for a while.
...............................
|
