A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:Please advice. He is a childish, sensitive, gentle, caring and affectionate man …Our long distance didn’t last for couple of weeks…communication has always been difficult as I am not good with long distance relationship… He and his ex have been together for 2 years before they broke up for a year when he met me….We went for few dates and he was very into me then and has been calling me and complaining that I have not called him…Then he flew back home for good…..He met his ex at a birthday party and probably this is the time where they have reunited…but he did not mentioned explicitly but hinted. There was no contact eversince for a month until I have decided to fly over to see him…he knew I made plan to go sightseeing with him….but on a week before that he called, giving excuses and finally admited that his ex will be with him and explaining that she had done a lot for him…I believe it was just holiday vacation for her…but it must have been become something more later….I have make plan expecting him to go around with me but there is nothing came from him…but nevertheless he took the initiative to contact me when I arrived…We were attracted to each other…we’ll kissing and hugging and met each other the next day as well…but nothing from him eversince…After few months,I have decided to move near him (another state) and see if there is a chance for me to start as a friend with him again…..it seem difficult to get to meet him…but finally we met….a month….and a long break in between….just trying to make friend with him…so I reckon he is attached but I did not ask….but I can feel he is very attracted to me…he always looking at me intensely and mostly talks only to me whenever we met. No doubt the attraction is there….but he seems to hold back.After a year trying to get close to him, he initiated twice to meet but after a long break (1 or 2 mths)….then the last catch up initiated by him,did not happen….finally we met, he told me he is getting married….reason being he is in late twenties and it will take him 3 years to find and start another relationship…and also mentioned that his fiance has done a lot for him…and that he found that he has no luck with girls…..I asked whether he loved her…he said he loves her and they both willing to make sacrifice to make it work. Then I was telling him that he is the most wonderful person I ever met and non of my bfs is as great as him…and that he was not giving others(i.e. me) a chance....why did he try to stop me from carry on and asked me whether I was alright…and gave me a hug….I did not mentioned myself in my conversation though. Was he afraid if I express my feelings,he will be confused with his decision to marry? So that night,we can not walk away from each other and was staring at each other and refused to leave….finally,we stayed together for the night….he mentioned during oral sex that my future guy will be fortunate to have me…probably he trying to tell me that I am very hot …he understand that I kept sex for my special person even though he wanted/asked for sex. During the heaving petting,strangly he asked me my age again (we are 15 years apart) even though he already knew….he also asked me whether I want kids….so I am just wondering whether his concern over my age and fertility is the reason that we are not together?…He hugged me very tightly hardly breath....seems to tell me that he had a feelings for me but in a difficult position,is that right? .He called the next morning and was very sweet. And I left several little notes with kisses as a surprise while he was in the hotel for a week. No contact with each other for 4 days…Few days later, I received a forwarded joke email from him…but nothing personal at all….I sent him an sms to let him know I missed him and thinking of him…but no response….and then a few days later, I sent another sms want to catch up with him and get help from him but he arrived home during weekend and left again quickly. Not sure it’s true or was trying to avoid me. Then I sent an email saying that I am willing to sacrifice and give us a second chance instead of regretting it for a lifetime. And told him to call me…but nothing from him for 1.5 week. Since he knew I am trying to get back with him, can I ask him out for just a coffee catch up as I have already booked weekends flights back to my home town.So my question are: 1) Does he really mean it when he responded that he loves her or just said it becoz he’s being asked ? Why does he make a decision to marry based on his fiance having does a lot of things for him? 2) Was he afraid if I express my feelings, he will be confused with his decision to marry? Will I have a chance with him? How? He is working at different state(my hometown) for 3 mths. I don’t mind travelling there during weekend to start all over with him again as friend.3) Why did he try to stop me from carry on and asked me whether I was alright…and gave me a hug….I did not mentioned myself in my conversation though. Was he afraid if I express my feelings,he will be confused with his decision to marry?4) Should I get my ex back? If there is a little hope…as I know he feels for me…shall I not try my best and give us a second chance?5) So I am just wondering whether his concern over my age and fertility is the reason that we are not together?6) He hugged me very tightly..seems to tell me that he had a feelings for me but he’s in a difficult position, is that right?7) Is he now confused and pull away that is why did not call ? What is going on in his mind? We are strongly attracted to each other..I can not understand the mixed signal he was sending.8) Since he knew I am trying to get back with him, can I ask him out for just a coffee catch up as I have already booked weekends flights back to my home town.
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broke up, fiance, his ex, kissing, long distance, my ex, oral sex Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 October 2008): Thanks for your comment..and for taking your time to even read such a long story...really appreciate it. I am a cool headed girl and most of time my intinct has never been wrong...so the answer is...it was not reading between the lines but wat the actual situation were...this is why I wrote a long explanation hopefully the story is clearly and precisely communicated...I believe there is no a single answer for all situation....I hope to hear exceptions(however, I am not suggesting that I am hoping to get a positive answer)...I guess relationships are complicated....I hope can get some idea from you guys...as it come from a different perspective.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (6 October 2008): In your question when you say "For the last time". I believe that even you realise that you have tried too much and it's time to call it quits. Take some self-respect with you. Seriously the guy is with someone else now.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 October 2008): You assume WAYYYY TOO MUCH. You try to twist everything he says or does to suit the thoughts in your mind! I think that you are in denial that this man has moved on and that he is getting married to someone else. If he makes himself available to you sometimes to have some fun then I really think this is what it is. You cannot honestly think that he is being forced to get married. He obviously wants to thats why he is doing it so my suggestion to you is to move on with your own life! Get over him. Why are you chasing him so much? Everytime he says something to you, you believe he is hinting something else. Maybe he isn't. Asking if you want to have kids doesn't mean he is concerned about your fertility. I'm sorry to be so blunt but you sound delusional. Let this go. Get distance in between you two. This is not healthy!! AT ALL.. Please find strength to walk away? If he cares so much he will come after you. Don't believe for one second that he is a victim in his current relationship.... xx
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