A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I have a German boyfriend, we have been together long distance for five months now (I am American). He is a 28 year old PhD student in Physics, smart, organized, and nerdy. He seems quite considerate usually and loving, but sometimes he says some things to me that are just astonishing. I try to laugh them off as "German jokes," but they actually hurt my feelings.Examples:-- Remarked that I have some hair on my upper lip, and joked about it.--Pointed out a hair on my nipple (you should see his!)--We were lying in bed one night, and he commented on my slight double chin by saying, "You have a nice double skin there." This one was particularly hurtful, as I am quite aware of its presence, plus he also has one.--Sometimes he squeezes my love handles, and it always makes me uncomfortable.What should I do? There is only so much I can tolerate. They happen every so often, usually things are quite pleasant. Thanks for you help!
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reader, anonymous, writes (21 January 2011): If hes making you feel like s**t then hes not a very good boyfriend , but if you love him then just have a word with him and tell him that what he says sometimes hurtz you and could he stop it even if he is just jokin around :)
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 January 2011): Thanks guys! I'm going to have a talk with him about it.
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A
male
reader, ilikedumplings  +, writes (20 January 2011):
I'd agree with a lot of the responses here..
But it would be possible that sometimes, us guys don't realize that what we think are jokes are actually very hurtful to our counterparts. I have to admit that I say jokes that are hurtful sometimes, I just thank God that my girlfriend is able to tolerate them. But she tells me when I do them.
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A
male
reader, alex74 +, writes (19 January 2011):
 He sounds like an inconsiderate A-hole regardless of his nationality. Pointing out what he perceives as faults is rude and humorless.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 January 2011): It seems like he is just tactless. I would mention it to him, but don't shout or confront him.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 January 2011): A boyfriend is supposed to shower you with compliments and do whatever he can to make you feel beautiful and more self confident. The fact that he is pointing out all the things that are "wrong" with your body tells me that he is clearly not in love with you. When you are in love, your partner seems flawless in your eyes.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 January 2011): Sorry hun, this has nothing to do with German humor.....I should know, I am German als. Your boyfriend is trying to whittle away your self confidence, it is an indication of his being insecure himself and intimidated by your elf esteem. Some guys do this without realizing what and why they are doing it, but most guys that use this tactic know very well the effectiveness and power of insults.
I would have a talk with him, don't say anything about him and his behavior in an accusing manner but rather stick to telling him how you feel when he says these things....if you don't see an improvement, you will need to say good-bye to him before you cannot do it for fear that no one else could ever love you....and that will happen if this continues :(
Best of luck to you.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 January 2011): If he is making you feel uncomfortable, I think you should tell him. I personally don't know whether it is a joke, but it sounds mean.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 January 2011): You can tell him that these things are hurtful to you and ask him to stop. If he continues you can dump him. Good luck.
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