A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Is this asking too much?(this is long, sorry)I am in a fairly recent relationship with a guy I really like. He initiated it, and I originally skirted around the idea of a relationship altogether because life is very busy and stressful right now. He said he liked me a lot, he said he missed me when he saw me next, and so on and so forth. His communication skills(mainly phone-wise) aren't spot-on, but neither are mine, and to be honest, I thought I was worse when we first met. He was always bad with time-management and making plans when our social group would hang out - but he made a big effort to be around me. We got more serious. He knew that I was a little timid about this, I didn't want to set myself up to get hurt, I didn't really open up "all the way" to many people. I'm generally a relaxed, easy-going girl that likes to have fun and it more likely to laugh at something than get angry, he's gotten really busy - - and sees me about once a week, if that. I try to plan stuff, and he ends up blowing me off either by falling asleep or something coming up. Sometimes it's legitimate(car trouble, for instance, that I knew happened for a fact)..but it happens all the time. I've gotten so exhausted that I've slept through 48 hours worth of texts and calls..but he does this constantly. It's like I'm surprised when he doesn't disappoint me. He seems genuinely sorry, but nothing is changing. Lately things have gotten worse. I REALLY needed him because something happened, made plans, got blown off for what I generally consider a legitimate reason, but two days later and there's still no attempt to reschedule. I've been having a rough time, and I had some things I wanted to say to him in person. I called. And I called. And I called again until I felt pathetic and desperate, and finally I texted him a massive message apologizing for bothering him if he is busy, I told him what I needed to, I even apologized that he had to come into my life at such a turbulent time, and confessed that I felt used, hurt, and like he wouldn't give me the time of day. He didn't respond yet. I texted him late at night, and while he normally is up late, I decided to just leave it at that. It's mid-day now. No phonecall, not even a text message. I KNOW he's very busy(so am I, though), and I would be totally okay if he just told me that he couldn't see me more often until things calm down a little bit. Not only that, but I feel like I'm being clingy. Then I look at the bigger picture..I respect his life choices, I don't expect him to spend money on me(though he has), I don't get jealous or worry about other girls, I don't bother him when he's out with his friends, I ONLY get mad(and I never even yell at him, at most I get a bit snippy, and tell him why I feel frustrated, he apologizes, and I get over it) when he blows me off after making plans.Honestly, looking at it from the outside I would tell myself to dump him. But we have so much chemistry, we're always happy when we're together(fighting is really only caused by distance really), we're both pretty open-minded and empathetic and like to talk through stuff instead of argue. I thought I could read people so well..nothing about him seems fake, so if he is, he is a damn good actor. I feel so wronged sometimes, like he led me on, persuaded me to open up and trust(big deal for me..) him, and then just threw me out. He knows that I'm having a tough time coping with a lot of different changes at once, if he cared wouldn't he at least try to be there?I want to believe that when things get a bit less hectic, it'll get better, and I want to work through it..but I can't take this disregarding attitude(whether intentional, or unintentional) anymore. Any input is appreciated. Thanks.
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female
reader, NorthByNorthwestt +, writes (19 January 2011):
You definately aren't asking too much, I understand that you feel a bit crazy because you're trying to get in contact. It happens to the best of us.You have the right to be offended, but sometimes even if you really like someone, you kind of just can't handle such a serious relationship and you put it off because you don't know how to deal with it. If it's not working out, however nice it is, it's adding to all the action going on in your life and is making you more stressed out. Even if you have really good chemistry, you shouldn't be paying so much for a limited piece of happiness.It may be hard because you've opened up so much, and you want to stay with him, but you really do deserve better. Someone who'll actually pay attention. Think of it as a step, that you've let your walls down before and you know your able to do it.Plus, you never know. Breaking it off might make him realize what he's losing and open his eyes to what he's doing.
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