A
male
age
41-50,
*ad and in love
writes:Dear CupidI'm 30 and gay. I'm still in my first relationship of three years. He is 22. We are happy with no more problems than any other relationship. But I have met a straight guy that has befriended us and he and his girlfriend have become our housefriends. I have since grown very attracted to him and subsequently fallen in love with him. He is very open-minded. With that said, I have told him how I feel and what I think and all that. It seems there is hope as this is what he says, but I feel like crap anyway. Firstly I'm not sure that there will be a future for us, but I still hope and dream of it. Secondly, what about my partner and my friends girlfriend? This is so unfair on them. But I cannot help the way I feel. When I see him everything else seems to not matter. I think of him constantly. Someone of my age should not be going throught this. I should know better. But Alas! it has happened. What do i do? Please, I'm going off my head with this. Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, Griffo  +, writes (22 December 2009):
 I would not go any further. To save your heart I would not take his hopeful words too seriously, just yet. He may be saying that only not to hurt your feelings because he does not want to offend or lose you as his friend.
On the other hand saying "there's hope" only makes your heart fonder and in some way, mabey he does not know it, that its a little cruel if you genuinly love him. and you have to suffer.
Do you love your current partner?
how would he feel if you told him? Would he understand your feelings if you told him?
What is it you love about this boy other than the attraction?
There are a few questions here. But unfortunatley I only see distruction between you and your partner, the boy and his girl and most of all you will lose them all. and ultimatley this will hurt you.
A
female
reader, Angzw  +, writes (22 December 2009):
I think you are setting yourself up for a huge disappointment. This guy is with a woman because he is predominantly straight. Maybe he has some gay feelings but a person will always return to what they are predominantly. I'm sure you are familiar with the Kinsey scale of sexuality (google it). If he is already open minded, then he is with a woman because that's what he likes. Will he be prepared to start identifying as a gay man? Come out to his family and friends? Will his feeling for women end or will you feel threatened everytime a pretty girl talks to him?
Being with you will possibly amount to no more than a brief experiment for him. Yet this brief relationship would result in your heart being broken, your partner being devastated at your deception and your female friend being completely destroyed in terms of her sense of self worth. Plus friendships between 4 great people will be annihilated. If after thinking through all this you still want to go for it then I hope you survive the turmoil.
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