A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hey guys and girls. My partner and I have been together for 11 years, we have 2 children together aged 7 and 1.We were both 17 when we got together and we had a great relationship, he did everything for me and was the perfect boyfriend.When we were 20 I fell pregnant and gave birth to our son everything was brillant we had our own flat and we were enjoying being parents. This slowly started to go downhill due to the fact he wasn't employed but he soon found a job and things got betterFor the past 2 years things have just been awful, he has a gambling problem and all he cares about is going out to gambling at the pub or the bookies, he spends all his money on gambling.The children and i at times have to go without things because of his gambling habit. I love him dearly but I'm very down and depressed not just about the gambling but he also pays me no attention at all, he comes home from work and I never get a hug or a kiss. He gets changed and goes straight out the Door again. When we are at home together he never cuddles or kisses or shows any sort of affection unless he wants sexThis is starting to really affect me and get to me because I'm craving his attention. I've tried talking to him but he just doesn't want to hear it, he says he's "too tired" or "not intrested" or sometimes I will gets the "what do you do for me?" quote. I dO do everything for him, raise our kids, cook for him, always make sure there is food on the table when he gets home from work, I even stay up till 11.30 when he is on a late shift, so he can have warm meal when he gets home. I make sure he comes home to a clean house, I run him hot baths I do everything for him so I don't understand what his problem is and why he's not Paying any attention towards me. He doesn't do anything with the kids either if I say let's take the kids out he just says "Some other day" or "its my only day off work". I really don't know what to do. I love him and want this to resolve but I Don't know how or what to say or do.
View related questions:
depressed, gambling, money Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (24 April 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI really appreciate your thoughtfuly advice but unfortunately this method has been tried several times. I either put up with it or get out! There are no ifs and buts. His father had the same problem all his life and only came to the realisation a year ago, hes now given up gambling and is leading a blissful life.
My partner refuses to admit it is a problem, he also refuses to get any help and as I believe, he needs to realise theres a problem before he can get help. He's too proud.
My immediate concern is really our relationship, I want the intimacy back. Sometimes I wonder if he is cheating.
The fact that there is no affection on his part is destroying everything.
A
male
reader, tetsuoii  +, writes (24 April 2011):
You have to be firm with him. Gamblers think they can 'beat the house' and have no understanding of the reality of the matter. When they win they think they've actually only paid for the winning ticket, forgetting the previous losses.The 'lucky gambler' is a myth, and does not exist. There are no winning gamblers, only the house can win; this is a fact, and it is your job to reveal this truth to him. There are no holes in that system, it is a foolproof mathematical formula designed to relieve less intelligent people of their money.You need to explain this in a clear authoritarian manner, leaving no doubt in his mind that it is the truth. I always say I will start playing the lottery the day 1-2-3-4-5-6 wins first price. Rest assured this will not happen.Chances are bigger your house will burn than you win the lottery. Even the best football teams suffer embarrassing losses, creating enough uncertainty that no computer program and all statistics in the world can beat the odds.Tell your husband that if he's so bloody smart that he can beat that system(which no-one else can!) he should put his mind to better use than waste it on gambling, I'm sure he'd be able to find employment that pays better than any longshot horse race.And finally: If he comes dragging with examples of friends or acquaintances who drive expensive cars, wear suits and flaunt their money, claiming to have won on gambling? These guys exist around every gambling facility, they are paid by the bookmakers to create the illusion of winning chances. So there you are, only people too stupid to do something meaningful in life gamble. Explain this clearly enough that he internalizes it, and he will stop gambling. Just be persistent, logical and truthful. Explain how other people enjoy his hard-earned cash, and he will quit.Take the argument, you can't lose!
...............................
|
