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male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes: Me and my girlfriend don't have sex yet but do fondle and try to give each other orgasms. I dont have a problem with mine, but do get confused about her. She does like me touching and massaging her down there but doesnt let me do it continously. She says that it stops giving her pleasure after some time. I am not sure if she has an orgasm I desperately want her to have it. We talk and I make sure I am doing it corectly. She says she does have an orgasm but somehow I feel she just says it to make me feel good. How can I know that she is having an orgasm?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 February 2012): Hi there,
I have the same thing going on with my boyfriend. I really enjoy his touch but at some point it sort of gets too intense and I need to ask him to stop. And I sometimes feel the need to fake orgasms because he seems so anxious that I should have it and I want him to stop worrying. But maybe I can't orgasm because I'm stressed knowing that he wants me to. I suggest you forget about the orgasm for a while and just enjoy the experience.
A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (25 February 2012):
 If you have a finger or two placed inside her when she orgasms you will feel her muscles pulling together and relaxing and pulling together again. She will probably also get a lot wetter. Her skin might flush, and her breathing might change.
Unfortunately tons of girls, especially the younger ones, fake it. They do it to please the guy, or to get the sex over with as they are done and don't feel like doing it any longer.
Lots of girls don't like a guy going at it for a long period of time, not when it comes to intercourse, and not when it comes to stimulation of the clitoris. We can get tender and sore if rubbed too much. We can also just get tired of it, and at some point it might start to feel uncomfortable rather than good. Which is when you need to stop and not continue going at it.
The trick then is to learn how to do the right things to make her come as fast as possible, which will require less time on rubbing. Do as your girlfriend tells you to, and stop when she's reached her limit. There's only so much the we can take before enough is enough. Maybe we are different from guys that way, I don't know. But most girls do not like to go at it for a long period of time because it stops feeling good and starts to feel bad/hurt/unpleasant instead.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 February 2012): There SHOULD be very visible changes when she climaxes. It may not be like the screaming and ranting you see in porn, but it should be obvious something is different!Signs are (and may not include all of these at once)*Vaginal contractions*Increased wetness*Muscles in the body in general contracting/tightness*Increased breathing, panting, moaning*Eyes tightly closed or widely open*Hardened nipples*Grabbing you to be closer, watching you stimulate her, etc*Touching herself to enhance the pleasureThis can last from a few seconds to a few minutes. If she GENUINELY had an orgasm, chances are she is going to have you stop ASAP.However, if she is faking it, she is doing to to NOT hurt your feelings and the constant stimulation can also also hurt.If she is STONE COLD noiseless, motionless, and otherwise unresponsive...talk to her!!! Do not let orgasm be a goal..let pleasure be a goal. One of the most erotic things you can do for a woman is simply want to please her and tell her how beautiful she is, how much she turns YOU on, etc. The more self assured she feels about that, she will feel less pressured to perform and acheive that goal of orgasm. If she can not climax, it might make her feel bad or broken. There may be a deeper reason..figure it out together and talk about it outside the bedroom at the right time. Good Luck.
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A
male
reader, JustHelpinAgain  +, writes (25 February 2012):
Well, if she gasn't had an orgasm yet she won't be really sure what its about until it happens. For your part, yes, you can rub too much, too hard, in the wrong place. Women generally are a bit more tricky than us guys. One almost sure way is to lick her clitoris and gentally use your forfinger to caress the first two inches inside her on the front, ie more or less behind her clitoris. You should notice her hips moving a bit and maybe she tightens a bit on you finger and the orgasm is unmistakeable. Remember there are times of the month that are really hard for a woman to get really turned on, but roughly mid-cycle, about a week after her period should be good. Try rubbing through her panties as well, she doesn't get so rubbed and if she starts getting them really wet you know you are doing the right thing. Have fun!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 February 2012): Hi,
I think in addition to communicating, you need to pay attention to her physical reactions, if she enjoys herself you'll see it in her eyes, on her face, or when touching her. Hope this helps.
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A
female
reader, person12345  +, writes (25 February 2012):
 You can't unfortunately. If she has an orgasm, continuing to rub will hurt, so that is an indication she is having them. If she's the kind of woman who gives instructions on how to touch her, chances are she's the kind who knows what she wants and knows that if she fakes it, she's just cheating herself in the end.
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