A
male
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:1 year ago i left my girlfriend of 4 years we have broken up once before ,she is my soulmate and i love her still even though i did leave ,we used to all live together in her parents house with her 2 great kids,she suffers from depression and she had an abortion when we broke up 2 years ago ,i know that scars her badly ,we have a had bad time last year sep to dec when i left ,this year we met up in january ,april and now in september after we met out in a club by chance ,she was casualy seeing somone else over 4 last 5 weeks weve met up ,had a few nice nights out ,even our sex was the best i can ever remember it being ,she has told me all along that she finds it hard to talk from her home and only her mum knew she was seeing me , i even sent a text from her phone on her behalf ending this relationship to the m man she was seeing ,it was a lot of texting between us , i realised that i love her more than ever ,all the way through the last 5 weeks she has mentioned many times she all mixed up and has not commited anything to me ,when she was tipsy with her friend she said to me shes a liability and wants normal life ,i had to really try hard to get to see her ,10 days ago she text ended us by saying she doesnot wasnt to go backwards she wants a future and cant do us ,im devastated ,and know she wont even text me ive had silence ,im 41 she is 34 ,help please
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 October 2011): I'm sorry but it sounds like no matter how much you may think that she's your soulmate, your relationship with each other is just not strong enough to withstand the storms. And with her having depression and dealing with the pain of an abortion, and whatever other "hard times" that were that made you leave, there are a LOT of storms in your relationship.being emotionally attached to someone is one thing. But if it also brings a lot of pain, then it's not a good relationship no matter what. more likely you're just attached to each other because of history, familiarity, and a sense of having 'invested' your time and emotions. but these are just psychological traps that keep you stuck in a situation that's not working. it prevents you moving forward.Time to cut loose, realize the relationship is not going to work, and move forward without each other as intimate partners. You can still be friends, you don't have to erase each other from your memories. your GF has the right idea. if you two were meant to be, you WOULD be. it wouldn't be this situation now. you should look forward, not backward.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (17 October 2011): She sounds very hurt, plus also having depression makes it hard. People with depression have incredible memories for pain. I say this with experience as I have bipolar. People have great memories for negative actions as it is, but when you have depression that is magnafied by about 50%.
Remember this: for every negative action you take toward someone, it requiers at least 3 positive actions to counter-act the effects. And those positive actions need to be at least two times as good as the negative action was bad.
Have you ever heard the saying "you always hear what a bad job you're doing but never how good a job you're doing?" This is a double edged sword, because you do hear the good but you forget. And that means you only remember the bad.
That's why she is saying, "You are a liability." She remembers the bad things. 1) You left. 2) You left and she had an abortion. 3) You left after 3 months of hard times.... That's three negative things and you didn't even mention what those hard times were.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 October 2011): Have you told her exactly how you feel? Maybe as things have been 'casual' between you recently she think you don't want to commit to her perhaps?
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