A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I am currently in FWB with my best friend for a year. We know each other for long and i love him a lot, he does too. But he is not making our relationship official as he says he is not into relationship stuff. He is not seeing anyone i.e. not cheating on me, i know that for sure.Two days back i called him and we were talking about general stuff, suddently he said his friend is in FWB and he hate that kind of relationship and called names for the girls who agree for it. I got shocked, didnt know what to say, so dropped the callToday he called me and i asked him abt the conv we had 2 days back about FWB, he said he was saying in general terms and never meant to hurt me and i am misunderstanding things as im stupid and foolish and im not in intellectual compatibility with himWhat should i do now, pls help me
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female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (24 October 2013):
 Anon "I fail to see what this guy has done wrong." OP "Suddently he said his friend is in FWB and he hate that kind of relationship and called names for the girls who agree for it."
"This guy" (the OP's FWB) has been in a FWB with his best friend of one year, and he hypocritically says he hates that kind of relationship and then proceeds to slut shame the women in FWB, despite being in one himself.
Der.
Not so hard to see that that's a double standard by the OP's hypocritical FWB.
Der.
If the OP's FWB feels so strongly against women who are in a FWB situation and has stated that he hates that kind of relationship then he has no business being in one. That is TEXTBOOK hypocrite.
Lose the hypocrite. And avoid like the plague men who think like the anon poster as being hypocrites themselves. It'll be a happier and healthier future for you in the long run.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (24 October 2013): I fail to see what this guy has done wrong.
He committed the sin of refusing to feel more for his FWB partner when she wanted him to.
I guess in this world of double standards against men in FWBs that makes him a bad guy.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (18 October 2013):
 Oh this is the sad side of FWB… the one where he plays on your feelings and uses you for sex with your permission because you are hoping and thinking it’s more than sex. It’s not.
“I love him a lot too and he does too” HOW do you know he loves you? Does he say “I love you”? Cause words mean NOTHING if they are not backed up by actions. And his actions are not saying he loves you.
HE calls you STUPID and FOOLISH and says he is SMARTER and/or more intellectual than you. This is not how a man who loves a woman treats her.
He’s made it clear he thinks women that have FWB sex are cheap and not WORTH anything. THIS IS HOW HE SEES YOU…NOT AS GIRLFRIEND material. NOT as someone he can build a life with.
If you think I’m wrong.. stop having sex with him and see what happens.
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A
female
reader, sugarplum786  +, writes (17 October 2013):
 Hi
He seems to either think of you more than an FWB and made the comment about not being intellectually compatible as he was not referring to you when he was talking about woman that enter into FWB relationship.
However having said that, the only way to establish if the interpretation is correct is to play your cards straight and ask him to officially acknowledge you as his girlfriend or its the end of the relationship.
You should have been honest with him ages ago when you realised you had feelings for him and asked him where you stand.
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (17 October 2013):
 In my reference book, titled "Things that guys must do to be sure that they will "get a little each night" .... this guy could have WRITTEN the chapter titled, "Sometimes, you have to put a girl in her place so that she will avoid any mention of anything like a meaningful "relationship" rather than simple coitus."
You'll be wise to see right through him... and DUMP him. (Some "friend!!!)
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A
female
reader, sugarplum786 +, writes (17 October 2013):
Hi
He seems to either think of you more than an FWB and made the comment about not being intellectually compatible as he was not referring to you when he was talking about woman that enter into FWB relationship.
However having said that, the only way to establish if the interpretation is correct is to play your cards straight and ask him to officially acknowledge you as his girlfriend or its the end of the relationship.
You should have been honest with him ages ago when you realised you had feelings for him and asked him where you stand.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (17 October 2013): Let me put what he said in a different light. Your good enough for the sack but sorry there is not much more there than that. Do not be fooled a FWB is that for a reason. No more No less. What happens when a man of your dreams comes along? What is going to take president? Get your priorities straight keep your legs and mouth closed and move onto a relationship that will give you the whole package. Look in the mirror and tell me what you see? Here is a woman who is now one day older than she was yesterday. Keep that in the back of your mind. Move ahead..
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (17 October 2013): "What should i do now, pls help me"
You can either continue sleeping with a guy who has essentially told you that you're too dumb for him to ever consider a serious relationship with you, or you can muster up the necessary self-respect, pride and dignity to walk away with head up and eyes forward.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 October 2013): Where I think this is getting all confusing is what you believe FWB to be. You may love each other as a friend, but not the kind of love you share with someone that you are in a relationship with and one of the ways of showing love is through sexual intimacy. FWB is having a friend and the benefit of having sex, no strings attached and no emotional attachement in terms of a relationship, other than friends. When you say he is not cheating on you, well, that would be something one would say if they were in a relationship, not FWB. FWB could mean this person or yourself is having sex with other friends as well.
So it sounds like you created this FWB, and this guy has just been using you for booty calls. You have never really been on the same page at all. Somewhere along the line I think you thought this would turn into a relationship and the two of you would be exclusive. This guy is not ready to settle down with one person or simply hasn't found the right person yet, so in the mean time he's having his fun with no strings attached. On one hand there is nothing wrong with this because nothing is worse than a guy or girl making that commitment to someone when they are not ready and go out and cheat on their partner because somebody intriguing came along. But on the other hand, it's not fair if one person has not made the intentions clear (not sure this was his downfall though) At least this guy is staying single and doing his thing.
All those things he said to you at the end, well, if the two of you were "really" friends with benefits, those harsh comments would not be so stinging because it wouldn't make any difference since you are just friends who hang out and have sex together when you feel like it. You are compatable at one level because you are friends. But boyfriend/girlfriend level, not so much. It was not necessary to be so mean spirited about it, but I guess if our friends can't tell it like it is, nobody can? You have become emotionally attached to this guy and he does not share the same with you in that way. This is why FWB can be a risky thing to take on unless you know how is works, what it really means and whether it's enough for a person. You can't change the rules or boundaries unless you both agree.
I would suggest you take a step back and bring this situation to an end. It's time to move on. But the most important thing is to learn from this.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (17 October 2013):
 I don't think you misunderstood ANYTHING. If he meant it is a general broad way and IS in a FWB with you, YOU are included (IMHO) on "those women".
He isn't much of a friend if he can "Take advantage" of a friendship and get some "FWB" out of you and then STILL talk down to you saying you are not intellectual compatibility with him.
I think the biggest problem here is, that YOU WANT a relationship (even with him) and he doesn't and I think his rude comments is a way for him to try and distance himself from your emotions.
FWB so rarely work out (specially for girls) because they GET emotionally attached, and then get because the guy doesn't.
The thing is you see the FWB as a quasi relationship that one day might bloom into a real one, it won't. Because that is not what he wants, you are just his bed-warmer til he DOES find greener grass, probably a woman/girl who won't agree to A FWB.
It's rather ridiculous that he holds this double-standard that only GIRLS who agree with FWB are "called a name" and not the guys, because they are BOTH doing is and there should BE a difference. So your "friend" is not only an asshat he is a misogynistic asshat.
And you.... are wasting your time with this guy. It won't turn into a full blown relationship. Because he has no respect for you.
Sorry.
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