A
female
age
41-50,
*sabella2014
writes:I have a friend with benefits and he have only met 5 times in the past 4 months, even though we see each other at work everyday, text and call regularly. There were times when he was avoiding me and acted as if he didn't want to have any contact at all but still called and texted, of course he stood me up a couple of times as well. He apologized the last time he did that and promised to see me last sunday, we got together and for the first time we were going to have sex, but then he said that i was going to laugh at him and that he would become a joke to me, which i told him i wouldn't do that, so things got hot, he was able to have an erection and as soon as we switched places he got soft and wasn't able to have another erection at all. He apologized and was embarrased, told me that it was a problem for him unless he felt relaxed and comfortable with someone, he said he wanted to be with me and had tried to stay away before because he felt he wasn't going to be able to respond the way he thought I wanted him to.I still kissed him and cuddle and told him it was ok, don't worry, we needed time for him to feel comfortable around me, and that didn't change anything. We kissed and agreed we would keep on seeing each other but he was really awkward the next day, so I made the mistake of writing to tell him, that i liked being with him and he didn't have to be or feel bad at all, well he didn't call me for 2 days, on the 3rd day I did call which he called me back twice that day and everything was good or so i thought.This morning i sent him a text about getting together as we had planned, he said he would pick me up at 19:30 but he never showed or called. But at work he comes talk to me for a little bit and looks my way several times, smiling.I don't know what to do, should i keep acting normal and call again after he stood me up (i know it makes me look desperate even though he probably thinks that already) or should i wait until he calls, which it may be never because of his embarrassment, besides he has made remarks that i may not want him to "warm me up"... Do i give him time to get over that or just keep on like nothing happened?
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female
reader, Brokenv  +, writes (26 January 2014):
Don't waste your time. This is an issue for him to deal with not you. This is a guy with "benefits". What benefit are you getting?
Look for someone that wants to spend time with you.
Be friendly for work purposes. But move on.
Good Luck
A
reader, anonymous, writes (24 January 2014): Not having to meet any commitment is one of his benefits.
So don't start expecting him to show up on-time.
Not having to explain, or live up to any expectations; is the reason people become friends with benefits.
If he breaks a date, or doesn't show up for a booty call; you shrug it off and count it as his loss.
The rules of a committed-relationship do not apply to FWB's. You don't expect the same things you expect from a regular friend.
A whole different set of rules apply. You're only f-buddies and no special feelings are required. It's all about sex.
If he can't perform, you dial the next number.
He may be seeing someone else, and all his needs are being met. Maybe he doesn't want to hurt your feelings, or lose the benefits. It just ain't enough to go around.
Most men are embarrassed by ED. It is the inability to maintain an erection during sex. I can't imagine anyone who wouldn't be. He has the option to hide and not talk about it. He isn't your boyfriend or your spouse; so his erectile dysfunction now relegates him to the "friend-zone." He doesn't have to talk about it if he doesn't want to.
It may be a sign of age, or an undiagnosed medical disorder.
Suggest he get a physical checkup to make sure he doesn't have anything serious.
I hope you both practice safe-sex. If you aren't, I hope that you get tested for HIV and all other STD's. There are free-clinics for HIV-testing available to the public in most nations.
He may have an STD and might be afraid to tell you.
Get tested anyway. If you aren't in a monogamous relationship; you're sleeping with every other partner he has. You may have a frisky night and decide to skip using a condom, or one may break without your knowledge. Always be safe for your own health, and the safety of your partner.
AIDS is not a gay disease. Heterosexuals spread the virus, and infect others as well.
If all is well between you as friends, and there are no other issues between you. Just enjoy the company and cuddling if nothing else.
If he's not showing up and standing you up, time to clean house and make some new friends (with or without special benefits.) Even find yourself someone for something even more meaningful. Maybe he has.
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