A
female
age
41-50,
*athy255
writes:Last week I wrote a question about my fwb. I have a hard time understanding him. This afternoon I called him up to see what he had planned for the weekend. He then asked where I was and I told him I was at the office finishing up some work. He told me to wait there that he would be there in a few min. We hung out for awhile why I finished my work and as we were leaving he pushed me against the wall and gave me the most passionate kiss I have ever experienced. Then he asked me to come over tomorrow night, and if next weekend he and his kids could come stay with me. We are also going on a weekend trip the following week. He says he does not want a girlfriend, but then he does this. If I were on the outside I would assume that we were a couple. We go out every weekend except for a couple of times when we were both busy or out of town. I just don't get it what the hell does he want from me? He is always asking for my help for things he can do on his own, its like he is making excuses to see me, which is cute. I'm always the person he calls when someone makes him mad, or when he just wants to hang out. He has plenty of friends he could hang with but, he calls me. I love the fact that I'm the one he calls but why won't he admit that we are a couple yet its been 8 months already. He is the only man I'm seeing and I'm almost 100 percent sure I'm the only one he is seeing. I'm not around all the time so you can't know for sure. I want him to tell me that he wants to be in a commited relationship. How can I bring it up without scaring him. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, kathy255 +, writes (8 January 2015):
kathy255 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionwe have been together for 6.5 years now. we now live together and everything is going great. So good things come to those who wait, and wait, and wait. :)
A
male
reader, eddie  +, writes (14 February 2009):
 You need to understand what FWB means . It's another one of those arrangements that actually goes against our deepest feelings. It's like swinging. Some people think they can handle it but jealousy often creeps in to the situation. When you play these type of games the rules can be very demanding. There's no point blaming anyone at this point. Just try to define what you want from a relationship and set the boundaries.
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A
female
reader, Emilysanswers  +, writes (14 February 2009):
He's going out with you all the time because you are easy, and will have sex with him and will do all this stuff and not ask questions.
But he's also content to string you along which means he doesn't care about you. If a better woman came along that he actually cared about and wanted to be with, then I have no doubt that you won't see him for dust.
Friends with Benefits only works if both people only want to be friends.
You are setting yourself up to be REALLY BADLY hurt here.
Don't ask him nicely if you can one day maybe be his girlfriend. It will never happen.
Tell him that you've been thinking and you really want to find a boyfriend, someone to care for you and be with you, and since that is not him then you can't see him any more.
Then don't see him or speak to him again. If he calls then ask if he wants to make a go of it properly... if he says no then tell him not to call you again.
He may realise what an idiot he's being and what he has lost and put some effort in, or he may not.
Make him WORK to be with you. He has to put effort in to PROVE he wants to be your boyfriend. It's not just a case of saying "oh go on then" because he'll just be taking the easy option AGAIN until something better comes along.
Good Luck!! xx
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