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age
30-35,
anonymous
writes: My girlfriend wants me to go to her dad's funeral (he was 42) with her. Don't wrong me I want to support but I can't handle the whole death thing. I can't even go a funeral home without feeling dizzy I'm worried if I tell her no she'll get even more upset. Should I just stick with it and go? Anything? Reply to this Question
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male
reader, Dazzerg  +, writes (20 January 2009):
 I think you should go for her and for yourself. I dont know why because there simply isnt enough detail here but death obviously scares you for some reason and facing your fears could be beneficial to you as well as being there and supporting her. It might be an idea to prewarn that you have these fears and discuss them with her beforehand...but do it in a way that makes clear you still intend on going.
I can see why you are worried on that score; she might take it as being a burden to you and might feel even worse about herself. However, there are ways around this, id focus in what you say on how much you love her and want to be there for her and also, paradoxically, on your feelings because the more you talk about them the less likely she is to take it on herself. Its possible after talking about you may even feel better and more prepared and my feeling is you will both come out of that conversation knowing you are both stronger for it.
Physically you are describing the symptoms of a panic attack so as has been said breathing is key; make sure you are breathing steady and make that your focus. Mentally remember that your focus determines your reality to some degree so stay focused on something not to do with your immediate surroundings and that you find relaxing. Focus on your gf and being there for her if you think that will work. Good luck :)
A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 January 2009): Hi,I think, if you don't go, you will regret all your life that did not go and did not support your gf (she really needs you there). You can never repair this, there is no second chance.Life is not only fun and funerals are unfortunately a part of our life. You should find a way to control your dizzy feelings. The reason that you feel dizzy is that you are nervous and start you take breath in the wrong way (wrong=release your breath in 2 seconds)and you start to hyperventilate. Try as following: 2 seconds for taking oxygen, put your lips on each other and let the air release in 10 seconds.You should tell you gf about your feelings, that she is aware about it. She will appriciate so much if you go with her together. If you don't go, she will feel so lonely and without support from you at the moment she is needing you the most. Realize that she will always have the feeling that she cannot 100% rely on you.In any relation, partners must be able to rely fully on each other. Realize that situations like this will make your relation stronger and deeper if you support her the way life is expecting from you. (realize also the opposite). I am sorry to tell you this so much in detail, but I want you to understand how import your presence and support is for her and for your future. This is not just a theory, but a law of the universe.If I was you, I would go to a doctor to explain the feelings and fears, he might give some medicine. Also mention about hyperventilation and how to avoid.I am so sorry for you and your gf. Hope that this comment could help you. Success and good luck.
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