A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:So there’s a guy I met through my cousin and we have been talking for a month but under the understanding that we would be FWB. I’m a 30 year old female and he is a 28 year old male. He has only had one partner and I’m a Virgin and tbh I just feel ready to explore my sexuality. So we agreed to be FWB. I think he is cute and he seems very sweet. We have things in common and I was just eager to get to know him more as a friend and also fun exploring a sexual side with him. But maybe I’m rushing it because you know…. I just feel hot and ready, honestly. Like I’ve thought this through for a while. We have talked about about our schedules and what we may and may not like and our fantasies and ideas. I just do not get why the ball isn’t rolling so I decided to put on my big girl panties and ask him if he was free on my off day! Go me, right! Lol well…. He is busy looking at houses with his mom (as if he can’t stop by around 10 or 11 pm to mess around), but he never offered alternative days and also when I asked him lol he responded with yeah, I know lol but I’m busy and he went into detail. Not going to lie lol I was kinda irritated cause I really just want some physical intimacy with a cute guy. Anywho…. Any thoughts or opinions. This is my first time dealing with this weird mess. I never have luck with guys. They pursue me and sometimes I just don’t like the vibe or they just become flaky. It’s like does he not want to have sex??? Why even keep asking me?? Was it to feed his ego? I mean what guy wouldn’t want sex without commitment? I’d know ppl be like wait to you find the one, and someone you are committed to and love you. Hell that may never fucking happen for me. I have urges and needs lol. I may have to find someone else I feel comfortable with. Oh well…. Guess I just wanted to vent my frustrations and disappointments of him not seeming more into than I thought he would be.
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reader, anonymous, writes (9 February 2022): Maybe he wants something meaningful, and not be used like a stud pony. You say you're a virgin? Maybe he sees you as only a friend and nothing more than that.
You're a bit blunt, maybe a little coarse about it. Your post gives the impression of a very demanding and imposing kind of person. That can be a turn-on, as well as a turn-off. It all depends. Maybe he wont perform on-command! Sit doggy, sit! Rollover! Heel!!! Do me!!!
It's his penis, and his body, and he doesn't have to do anything under pressure. It seems to me he doesn't appreciate being given the command to boink you. If he senses there's something "off" about you; that makes him reluctant to comply. Maybe, just maybe, he's not attracted to you in that way. Your frustration is, you suspect that to be the case, and you resent him for it. If he told you he's not attracted to you in that way, why do I get this feeling you'll go totally ballistic?
It's a crazy world. You see, sometimes a woman gets unexpectedly pregnant; and it's hard to determine who the father is; or he took-off, and made a clean getaway! In desperation, she may try to find a guy to have sex with her soon after the pregnancy-test reads positive. Smart-guys get nervous when they are rushed to have sex, just all of a sudden. This woman is supposed to be a virgin, and she is demanding that a friend have sex with her. It just seems too good to be true, or she is up to something. Especially, when it happens to be a woman related to a friend, and you hardly know her. He wonders what she's up to, and why is she suddenly coming-on so strong about being friends with benefits?
My guess is, he doesn't like the aggressive way you're going about it. It seems weird and suspicious. You're also his friend's cousin!
I can only speculate that he doesn't want to take advantage of you; and he won't let you take advantage of him, just because he happens to have a penis.
Take a hint! If he won't do it; it's obvious that's because he doesn't want to be a FWB!
Stop, before he begins to lose his respect for you, and have to bring it up to your cousin about how you're behaving. Some guys just don't like it when a woman throws herself at him. That's not a double-standard. Women don't like it when men make blatant advances and take liberties without their permission. On that, both genders are even.
A
female
reader, EmmyApple +, writes (8 February 2022):
Women usually want to go slower than guys, so he’s probably a bit confused and cautious. If the expectation is “we’re gonna meet up and have sex” he may be intimidated by that since you’ve never had sex before. Try lowering the expectation and see if he’s comfortable just meeting up, either going on a casual date, or just chilling at your place. If he’s attracted to you, it shouldn’t be difficult to kiss, and then encourage him to go further by doing something like placing his hand on your boob or on your ass. Don’t be discouraged if you don’t go all the way. Give it time!
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A
male
reader, Fatherly Advice +, writes (8 February 2022):
 1, Please don't recycle your posts. We already read it. We already responded to it. You did a nice job of formatting and cleaning the original post.
2, You have an upside-down intimacy equation. I'm not sure equation is the right word. but you are trying to go from 0 to 100 without passing any of the numbers in-between. This will not work in any thing but alcohol fueled one night stands. (which I can't recommend)
3, I get the feeling that you want to check something off you to do list, and perhaps your busy man may be getting that feeling too. Don't expect someone to make a priority of you, when they are a convivence to you.
My promise to you: If you will take the time to make a name and account for this site, I will personally write out the long articles that it will take to explain to you how to build a relationship of trust and intimacy. I am not the only, or even the best person to do this. There are plenty of excellent books written by people with PhD at the end of their names. But if you think it would be worth it please proceed.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 February 2022): You claim you have urges and needs and you want this guy to remove your virginity from you.
This guy is doing the best thing in avoiding you because you are acting like a honeytrap.
You don't have anything much in common and no intentions of trying to create any future.
You are just looking to remove the virginity label.
How do you know that this guy is even into girls.
His first encounter may have been completely different to what you thought it was.
It would be so much saner of you to actually meet someone who was so into you that no one else would do.
You don't want to offer your body up as if it were a means to getting a lift home.
It makes me uneasy thinking how you could come across and probably and quite possibly you would hate the heartless experience and cry rape.
Also how is this bloke to know you won't offer it up to someone else in the car park and end up dead as a result of a violent struggle at the end.
Please act as if you are valuable and not a commodity.
You are putting yourself forward in a way that could potentially destroy you.
Lol means nothing in these circumstances. It is so worrying that I am wondering what has got into your head at this stage of your life.
Col...may mean cry out loud for all I know...but this is no crying or laughing matter.
This is very serious indeed.
Just find someone really decent to get to know and stop trying to coerce this guy into bed.
Some guys have heard of women who get pregnant on their first attempt and they get left with 18 years of footing the bill.
You would be more in line with what is expected of you if you didn't feel it was time to drop your label.
If you started to think that it would be nice to meet someone to share your life with and ultimately have a family with or get engaged to someone who loved you, then that would make more sense.
But to try to harass anyone for sex is meaningless because most people take life a little more seriously than you do, unless you are planning on joining the sex trade as a sex worker.
And any decent person should be reluctant to devirginate you because you are coming across as a risk who may even loose the plot and take risks that could make you loose your life.
Stay safe and wait. Keep safe and live.
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