A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I have spoken here before...partner's snoring, difficulties with his family and his routines, and his non confrontational ways. I have said how much I love him and that he loves me too. I am an intelligent woman but through what I have been through in my life; traumatic childhood, several abusive relationships, etc, etc, I have a tendency to over-react.Yesterday, OH's sister unfriended me on facebook, and I over-reacted. I saw this as a test, for my OH to stand up for me and he tip-toed around texting his sister, taking him several hours to simply ask her directly if she had a problem with me (as we have suspected before that she has, and my OH says I don't deserve her being that way with me). I just want loyalty in a relationship and my OH hates to upset anyone (though, that can be me, as in this case). So I got really mad, said a few things. Told him he was weak; threatened to leave him. Bad I know. Eventually he showed me some stuff he printed out at work about emotionally abusive relationships! And I fitted some of the criteria! The way he has to walk on egg shells. My mood swings. The way things can be so amazingly lovely, then something like yesterday happens and I erupt. The way I yell at him sometimes, the way I have to say things repeatedly, blaming him, putting him down. I was horrified! He NEVER treats me like this. Yes it is true to say his routines can interfere, his snoring still isn't sorted and I do feel let down when he doesn't back my corner and sometimes I have to explain things to him to help him appreciate how I feel but he never puts me down, is always so caring, loving. Very accepting of me. I am normally a very compassionate and loving woman. It is as if I am so desperate not to be a doormat again, that I've gone the other way; completely lost the balance. He deserves more respect than I am giving him and at the moment I don't like myself at all. I know that inside me I am a worthy, loving and compassionate woman. One or two on here have implied that OH is abusive...but he is the quietest, accepting and most loving man on the universe; especially to put up with the way I have been! Most men would have kicked me to the kerb with the way I have gone on and on; like an embittered and angry shrew! He doesn't want me to leave him and I don't want to leave. I believe in change, if you wish to change earnestly enough. Any useful tips would be really appreciated...I know where to start, but anything would be helpful. Thank you.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (22 September 2014):
 Well, you do have a keeper. Because he isn't scared to let you know that your behavior is NOT OK.
You have recognized that he is telling you the truth. So what do you do? First I'd say go talk to your doctor, have you hormonal level checked. You are in the age group where hormones can swing quite drastically and that in turn can cause short fuses and tempers.
Secondly, find a yoga group. I'm serious. Yoga will center you in a way no meds can.
And thirdly, when you see your doctor ask him for a referral to either anger management/counseling. Because inasmuch as hormones can make people a little unstable, YOU need to learn how to deal with conflict better.
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