A
male
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I have recently come out of a divorce where the breakdown was very long and drawn out and quite messy at the end. For a long time before the divorce was completed i suffered with a terrible depression. I was in quite a state for over a year which was a very hard time for me and at the time something i thought i would never get out of. However i got some help and managed to start to turn my life around. To begin with I was lucky enough to really take a good look at myself and my life up to that point to try and figure out who i had been, what i needed to change about myself and what had led me to get into this position. Since my divorce was finalised i believe i have done really well and grown stronger and stronger. I have bought a new apartment, got a new job and started dating again. 4 months ago i met a girl who i started dating and we got on really well. I thought at the time i was only after a light affair to get going again and with this girl that was exctly how it started. As she lived well over an hour away and had children we were only able to see each other at the weekends. However in that time we saw each other every weekend and we had lots of fun together. I soon began to relaise that the more i saw of this girl the stronger feelings i had for her (or the stonger feelings i had about being in a relationship again) and over time began to get frustrated that we couldn't see or talk to each other more and become closer. I began to start putting pressure into the relationship like making her feel guilty when she didn't call me etc which in the end was too much for her and she decided to call things a day. I realise now that i had become quite demanding, living my life waiting for the phone to ring, longing for the weekend to arrive and getting frustrated that i was sat at home all week just waiting around. When we split up she treated me quite badly in the way she chose to end it and the things she did. I have had some time to think that as well as we got on and the more we did together the relationship was really only based around sex. This i believe was from her side more than mine although i found the whole experience exciting and fun. When i look at our relationship i know she wasn't right for me as she could be very hard work to motivate, keep happy, entertain and she was a very negative person who was starting to make me feel down too. She gave me the silent treatment twice in this time which she used as a weapon against me as she knew that was the main cause of my marriage breakdown and the thing that started off my depression. I know i will be better off without her but i am left now feeling sad, dissapointed, lonely and a little bit resentful. I am annoyed with myself for getting back into a relationship that has casued me pain with someone i think i knew from the outset could be bad news. I have become aware that although i had made great strides towards totally getting out of my depression i still wasn't quite there. This episode has rocked me a little and i am sat here feeling similar feelings i did a year ago which i just hate and determined not to fall back into againCan anyone else relate to what i am feeling from fighting their way out of a very bad place, moving their life forward in positive strides only to fall straight back into an unhealthy relationship a few months on and it having maybe a bigger effect than it should? If so i would love to know how to shake off all bad feelings and move back on to my goal of happyness
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reader, anonymous, writes (1 October 2008): I also get very depressed and I get to the point where i can do next to nothing, I can't clean, cook or even make the bed - I just sit around passing time. I too am just divorced which was not something I wanted and it is really hard at times. The only thing that works in these situations is to get out of the flat. On the days i sit in times just passes and i feel more and more miserable. W
When I go out
a - it passes time
b- the fresh air does you good
c- you are looking around at things or driving or whatever and it takes your mind off what is going on and
d - you feel properly tired when you get back home. You must keep yourself busy. I am a time billionaire and it just makes you more and more miserable. Being newly divorced and then into another heavy relationship is not a good idea. Take some time for yourself on your own and see what you really want. Calm down and look at things. I too went from the divorce into another relatioinship almost instantly and it didn't work. If i asked him where he was i was deemed to be controlling which was the first husbands favourite comment and it bothered me enormously and brought all of my demons back out.
Keep busy, do things you like doing that give you pleasure, work if you can as other people fill the void from 9 - 5 or just physically get out of the aprtment and you will soon begin to feel better in yourself. all the very best,
A
male
reader, Morp  +, writes (1 October 2008):
 its like a leo just clawed a pisces. Dont fall in a relationship so fast , cause you will always project the first women to the next and you will not get luck . What you need to do is BE STRONG , move on , main factor is you need to be occupied and busy so you just have no time to think of what you feel like now . When i get depression , im worse i have depression at age 13 till now im 30 . i aint going there . If you always get negative feelings or any bad thoughts in your mind ..keep saying everday , every morning ,, negative go , positive come in. Thats what i do in my depression , get out of yer apartment , look at each day youll see something new ,,just look more deeper and dont repaet the mistakes . Get a Pen or a paper write down each day youll see results. :)
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