A
female
age
51-59,
*elma
writes:I have a couple who I consider friends, and I thought they considered me a friend. We do not have any long history of being friends, but our girls are in the same grade at school. We have done casual things together, Girl Scouts, etc. I have done lots of favors for her.My friend recently celebrated a big birthday and had a party which I was not invited to. It was a surprise, but I was still offended, feeling that her husband/family would have known if she considered me a friend, as they always insinuated that they did. Which approach would you take? I am the type person who finds it hard to keep my feelings inside. I feel that my friend knows me pretty well and knows my feelings were hurt, as we were both helping with some volunteer work and a friend of hers came over and mentioned the party. She said very little and did not want to discuss it, getting back to work, as I feel that she felt I would be offended. Do you think I could say something to her husband like, "I thought maybe you guys considered me a friend but apparently not!" Not acting really mad but just to show that my feelings were hurt. Do you have any other ideas? I would like to remain on friendly terms with them.Or, would you be polite, a little social but at the same time a little bit cool? Do you know what I mean? What do you think? How could I make her "feel the heat" just a little bit? The next time she asked me for a favor, I could say, "Maybe you could ask one of your 'friends' who was invited to your birthday party?" Obviously, not speaking at all would be very childish as we are all adults. Let me know which way you think would be the best way to handle the situation. Hurt Feelings in Phoenix Reply to this Question
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (22 January 2009): There is a difference between friends and knowing someone im sorry, you help them they help you doesnt mean your going to their birthday party. If i invited everyone to a party of mine that that had helped me in life, with my kids, yard, sport, car and everthing else, i'd never be able to have one... couldnt afford it for one, and then where would everyone fit?
Maybe instead of worrying about all of that, you should forget it like it never happened, and ask them over for a coffee, let the kids play together etc... be cool about it :o), not desperate, like why didnt you invite me :o( dont take things or yourself too seriously, no one else is likely too.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (22 January 2009): Maybe it was a swingers party? lucky you didnt go!
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (22 January 2009): Usually, communication fixes everything, or at least lets people know where they stand with each other. I have friends that i do things for and they return the favor, however if i was to have a party all of them would not be invited. Does this mean they are no the same friend that they were before? Of course not, i will continue to help them and they will help me.
Some people dont what everyone as close personal friends, but hey what i would do is, very polietly say to them how you felt, that you sort of felt left out when you were not invited to their party, and that you just want to know if you had done anything that had offened them? Look them in the eye, listen to the responses, and then you will know where you stand. Maybe they are just help out with the kids type friends with no room for more people in their life?
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