A
male
age
51-59,
*aninaro2010
writes:Good Morning all!I will condense this as best as possible so as not to bore the hell out of readers! I am 43,divorced with kids,believe it or not,I am honest and genuine.Anyhow,I have met this wonderful woman through a dating site,just chatting at first,we met for coffee,and at the time,I thought she was well out of my league and resigned myself to the fact that I wouldn`t see her again.We continued chatting,texting,and she told me one day she had been dating another man for a couple of dates.I made it clear that she owed me nothing at all and it was great to have have found a friend.I eased off the chat and text,as I did not want to "get in the way".About a week or so later,she contacted me via MSN,I said it was great to hear from her etc.She then told me she had been the victim of drug rape or at least thought she had.I was mortified and offered a shoulder to lean on and an ear to listen.We chatted and texted for a hell of a long time after that.We have been out for drinks,we hav so much in common,but I didn`t pursue it as I knew it wasn`t what she needed right now.granted,I would have just loved to give her a giant hug and make things better! Anyway,she came to my place the other night and offered to cook a meal for me.Evening went really well,and I have to be totally honest,in the back of my mind,I had thought,if she had gone to all this trouble,has met for drinks etc,she must feel something??? Well last night,I offered as a thank you,to take her out for the day tomorrow.She has agreed but also added that she does not want me getting the "wrong idea".This confused me,as I had always restrained form the hugs etc as I would rather have a brilliant friend than risk losing it altogether.She said she isn`t ready for relationship yet,and I made it clear that I knew this,I also openly admitted that I had sometimes "just wondered...maybe??" Told her that I have utmost respect and would never make her feel uncomfortable or jeapordise our friendship by making a stupid move! She totally understood.Now is it just me,am I missing something here? Do I hang in there in "the hope" Not that Im going to suddenly think,"well I have no chance Im off"! Im not like that.I said I would always be there for her,and I meant it.Im a nice,genuine bloke,as everyone tells me! LOL! So am I wrong to think this could be something one day that its not? Sorry for the rambling,but needed to get it out in the open! Thanks for reading,and you all take care!
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male
reader, paninaro2010 +, writes (24 July 2010):
paninaro2010 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you for the reply.I have no idea why she decided to confide in me about the rape,the event certainly happened as I went with her to collect her belongings from the police station,prior to this I do not know the sequence of events.As for internet dating,if Im being honest,I only wanted to chat to others,after 25 years of being with my ex ( I was traded in for a younger model) LOL! it was just nice to pass a few hours away here and there.I have come off those now though,occupy my time elsewhere.
I do think she is fantastic,but I must respect her wishes,thats the decent and moral thing to do in my mind.So,tomorrow we will go out as mates and just have a laugh as we have done in the past. :-)Thank you for saying Im a nice guy too,means a lot to me,not blowing my own trumpet,but I am normal,faithful,honest all those things that us men are apparently not! LOL!
A
female
reader, DrPsych +, writes (24 July 2010):
 You sound like a really nice, normal person. Obviously you must be bright enough to figure out that a lot of people use internet dating as a way to have casual sex, or because they are emotionally troubled and therefore unable to find partners in the real world with ease. You don't sound like you fit in either category. She doesn't fancy you and sees you as a friend. She is dating other men on the internet (which is always a risk when you meet people on the net). If you dated her, you couldn't be sure she wouldn't be dating lots of other men too as she maybe a serial internet dater. She told you she had been raped which maybe true or maybe not. The fact is that you don't know her well enough yet to make a judgement about her or what she says. She cooked you a meal to say 'thanks' only. If she is telling people she barely knows about something like an apparent rape I would tread with caution in this friendship. Highly personal matters are usually disclosed to close friends and family, rather than people you barely know from the internet. I don't think you should focus on her as a romantic prospect. In doing so you close off the potential to meet other women. She may well end up dating you as a safe boyfriend who treats her nicely, but you deserve much better than being an after-thought. I think you should stop internet dating and maybe try other ways of finding a lady friend. The reason is that you sound like a gent. A decent man such as yourself should find no trouble in attracting ladies at a social or sports club for example.
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