A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Q: Am I going to have to break things off COMPLETELY with this woman at some point if I want to have a friendship in the future?This woman and I started off as best friends. Fell in love. Been pseudo bf/gf for a year. But, because I don't want to get married until I'm much older (late 30's at the earliest) and she wants to get married now (she's 33, biological clock is ticking) she's ended things. She doesn't want to waste her time in a relationship that doesn't have any future. Understandable. Now we're trying to do the whole friends thing. What's happened, though, is that we've never cut off from each other emotionally. We now find ourselves in this constant relationship ebb and flow...even though we've agreed we're officially done!If we're ever going to be friends in the future, does it mean that there has to be a period of time where we're completely cut off from each other (say, 6mos-1yr)? It feels like that is going to have to be the case...otherwise we'll just continue with this relationship rollercoaster. But I REALLY don't want to cut things off completely. It would hurt so bad. She's my best friend.
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female
reader, Moo's Mum  +, writes (10 June 2010):
 Well I guess if that's how you feel then you should let this person go and concentrate on enjoying your single life. Yes life changes when you get married but in my experience it's for the better since I completely love my husband and would rather be married to him than loose and fancy free.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (9 June 2010): (I'm the original poster)
No, but a particular aspect of your life ends after marriage. As a single person you have time to focus on yourself, your career, your hobbies, travel, meeting new people. Time spent with your wife necessarily trades off with most of these. I'm sure you can stay very active (career-wise, hobbies, making new friends, etc.) but the reality is that people generally don't.
I don't mind giving up those things to get married and have a family. But I see no reason to hurry up so that I can get married at age 30 and be married for, say, 50 years as opposed to 40. I'd be missing out on a really great 10yrs of development and learning
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A
female
reader, Moo's Mum +, writes (9 June 2010):
Why wait so long to get married if she is your ideal mate? Contrary to popular belief life doesn't end after your vows.
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