A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I was diagnosed with breast cancer early this year, i was previously having issues with my closest mate distancing herself from me when she got a boyfriend,before that we saw each other every week(her choice)but she seem to ignore anything i tried saying to her, but when i confided in her of my diagnosis,she offered to be there for me on my journey and i really felt she did care about me.she attended appointments in the beginning but i noticed she kept saying nasty remarks too me because i was ill as though it was annoying her.saying things like im only going to put up with this for a few weeks and i have more important things to do. ive tried asking whats going on but every time i ask she ignores my emails texts etc, i cant ask her too the face as more and more as each day goes on we have less contact, she never calls me too see if im ok, totally disregards my feelings when im feeling down, and never spends time with me.Im really struggling finding out i have cancer let alone being treated this way by someone i normlly confided in, i was always there 24/7 any time she needed me even just to rant and rave her problems late at night too me, but now when i call her she cuts me off and says she will call back and never does, doesnt even acknowledge the fact she never does.I just feel so alone that she and my other friends have decided to just turn there back on me, so im trying to decided wethere i should just cut ties and save this pain, or continue trying to have some contact,as im not sure i can cope not having anyone to talk about. i just dont know what to do i thought my friends would try to keep my spirits up but i just feel down about it all the time when i should be concertrating on getting better,but i cant help it.i know if it was the other way round i would never abandon them. i feel like finding out i have cancer has made me see i have no true friends.
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reader, anonymous, writes (15 September 2010): Keep your head up and keep taking care of yourself. Half the battle is in your own head. When you beat this thing--you are going to have a new prospective on life and maybe new friends, too.
I will pray for you, right now.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 September 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanx for your reply i know ur right, i just find it hard we were all so close before but now they cant even manage a normal conversation or at least tell me how there feeling.
i know they probably dont want to bother me with that, but to slowly distant themselves till we have no contact is cruel. it makes me feel worthless like i matter to no one. ive tried to make contact but they act like im hassling them and its a problem and dont return contact, i am extremly private person and dont think i could handle group conselling but i need to look around for something as at the moment no one wants to see or speak to me and i find that harder than dealing with the breast cancer right now. i think if i left it for them to contact me they just wouldnt and carry on happily in there lives forgetting about me which i dont understand unless they want me to make it easier for them. i just dont know.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 September 2010): I feel so bad that you are going through such a horrible illness and that you feel so alone. It's tragic and unfair.
Sadly, lots of folks don't know how to be a friend to someone who is very sick. It can be emotionally draining because they feel so helpless. It can be scary because they know it could be them fighting for their own life. It can be depressing when the topic of conversation constantly ends up being about cancer and medical treatments. NONE OF THIS IS YOUR FAULT, but it's true.
My advice would be to allow your friends to come to you on their own terms and, in the mean time, find a support group (preferably not an online group, but an actual face to face group)and make some new friends who are going through the same thing you are.
My heart goes out to you.
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