A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:????????????My husband and I took my friends 11 year old daughter out shopping a few months ago , my friend has problems with her mobility she was unable to do much with her, so we thought we’d take her out for the day whilst my friend rested at home, even though we are both busy, we took some time to do this. She wanted to go shopping as she had some money saved up that she wanted to spend.It was a bit of an odd day if I’m honest, she just seemed miserable and barely spoke to us. We made every effort to engage with her but she had a poor attitude and was rude. Whenever my husband and I would stop to look at something she would roll her eyes up and try to rush us- yes I know we took her out to shop but we wanted to have a browse too! We treated her to lunch whereby she ordered lots of stuff- most of which she didn’t even finish - she just picked at it. It was such a waste.We also took her to a pic and mix candy store - told her we would treat her to some candy (hoping it would cheer her up) and she filled up a big box which ended up costing us a fortune - we didn’t realize how expensive it would be. Completely our fault for not realizing this beforehand. After we finished shopping we passed by a dessert restaurant so we went in as we hadn’t had dessert after lunch and once again she ordered a huge dessert with lots of extras which she didn’t finish. More waste. We even asked her, before she placed her order if she was sure it wasn’t too much and she told us it wasn’t. We felt that she completely took advantage of us both with lunch, dessert and the candy. She didn’t even thank us which we felt was rude. When we got her back to her mums house she quickly showed her mum what she bought and then went upstairs and didn’t acknowledge us or say bye.My friend got in contact the other day asking if we could take her daughter out again as apparently she had a great time. Now my husband and I don’t want too as she really put a damper on the day plus we can’t afford to pay for her to waste food (I know we don’t have to pay for food or treats but it’s more the principle that she didn’t show any appreciation).I told my friend we would organize a day however we are busy (I have no intention to take her out again). Are we being too harsh?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 May 2023): Wow! So firstly what you did for your friend was a really nice gesture - you tried your best to make her daughter happy with no success. Her daughter really does sound like she’s somewhat spoilt & entitled. 11 is old enough to know manners & to know how to behave. So I don’t blame you for not wanting to take her out again. So no you are not being harsh! If it was me I’d would actually say to my friend “ oh I’m surprised she had a nice time as she didn’t seem too happy” & then go from there….
I have to LOL at the first poster on here backing the child up- maybe in their book bad manners is to be praised??!
A
reader, anonymous, writes (26 May 2023): I really DO NOT agree with what the first anon poster says! You are NOT at fault! The spoilt, ungrateful madam is!! She's 11 years old and has clearly learnt nothing in life. My daughter is 6 and even she wouldn't behave this way because this is not how she has been brought up. The rude girl took advantage of you and was most ungracious. Well, you know now and you handled it the right way. Keep telling your friend that you're busy and put it off. You don't owe her anything. Of course the little brat had a nice time .... She did what she wanted at someone else's cost so yeah, obviously she had a good time!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 May 2023): She behaved very rudely so I cannot blame you for not wanting to take her out again. At 11 years old she is old enough to understand & know basic manners! I have no idea why the other anonymous poster is actually blaming you! The mind boggles!! She definitely was ungrateful!!!
I have 2 children 7 & 12 & they know to be thankful & not to take advantage when family or friends treat them. It sounds like your friend has lacked to teach her daughter any manners.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 May 2023): You talk as if you took the girl out for your benefit not hers. You go on and on boasting about how you spent a few dollars on this and that, when in truth it was a small amount of money anyway. If you cannot give willingly thinking of the other person first then do not do it. Were you trying to get into the parents' good books or were you trying to make yourself appear like angels? Either way you failed. It takes more than one trip out and spending a little to do that.
If you are short of money and cannot afford to treat a child then do not offer to do it. Spend your time and efforts on sorting out your financial problems.
Years ago I used to take a friend's kids out for the day on a regular basis, I also used to have them stay at my home for weekends where I would make a big fuss of them.
I did it because she was a lazy, neglectful and inadequate mum, and they deserved better, but I did not go around boasting about it and showing off about it, I just did it.
And I was then very short of money and scraping by.
I can remember I would ask them what they want for their evening meal and then would say fish sticks etc and I would prepare it and then they would say nah they have changed their mind and would rather have such and such instead.
But I would insist it is fish sticks, because I was short of money and they were cooked as asked for and I could not afford to throw away food. I've never had kids and never known anyone else who had any, but it was simple common sense not to let them waste my funds.
You could have been the same. Even true parents who have a kid to take care of have to learn as they go along and use common sense with their first child.
You will not find people willing to hang around and advise you at every move and you should not need to.
Instead of moaning that a child was not grateful enough about your little spending spree - which was not - think of the child. This is supposed to be about making the child happy. If you want to puff out your chests with pride and show off about doing a good deed do it properly. Make the child happy. At the same time , if the child wants to have enormous big portions of food it cannot eat because it's eyes are bigger than it's belly and they have no idea about money reign in and think more wisely.
If I had been that eleven year old child and you had been like this with me I would have hated every second and be glad to get home and not want to go out with you again.
Is that what you call a good deed? What is the point then?
You were out of your depth. That is not the child's fault.
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