A
female
age
26-29,
*agle101
writes:Hey everyone so I think my friend's dad has the hots for me. I know he's really friendly and that's what i thought at first. I spend a Saturday evening with my friend and then we went to her house to watch the game. When I went her dad didn't know I'd be there and he was like "Ah your here, *my name*. Give me a hug." I gave him one of those side hugs. Later when we were watching the game in the living room, I was sitting on the two seat couch, my friend on the three. Her dad was on his laptop in the dining room and was talking to us. Every time I'm over or around him, he's always asking if I'm dating someone or if I have a boyfriend. So I knew it was coming, but then he said "wouldn't you want a guy like me? I cook, clean, and i mow the lawn. I do everything. So don't you want a guy like me?" I didn't say anything I just laughed. Then later he came and sat by me on the couch. I had a blanket on my legs and i had my legs up close to me. Then during the ball game he laid his head on my knees I kind of pushed his side to say "hey get off". Idk if my friend saw or not. Then I went to their house the next morning to have BF. My friend invited me the night before and when I got yo her house she wasn't up yet. So while I was waiting her dad and i were sitting in the living room and he asked the boyfriend thing again. Then he asked what kind of guys I like, my celebrity crushes. I showed him one and he was like "we have the same birthday. Now let me show you what I like." (I have dark hair and dark eyes, just so you know) he pulled up pics of women with far hair and dark eyes. He was like " I like the dark hair, dark eyes look. I love it. The whole Mediterranean look." In my head I was like okay, weird. Sorry this is long. I just need some help decoding this.
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female
reader, Dorothy Dix  +, writes (14 June 2012):
Hi. I think that is a wise thing - to be cautious, around him - and keep all your wits about you, when you are at your friend's place.
However, as I was saying before, don't go to her place as often as you used to do. Ask her to your place more, so as to avoid any uncomfortable situations altogether.
If he is looking for another relationship, he needs to be with women his own age - not friends of his teenage daughter!
That's just poor judgement, on his part I believe.
He may be quite harmless, however DO NOT tempt fate, just in case.
Just say ever aware, then you can't go wrong.
Do not allow yourself to be in the same room as he is, so nothing can happen.
Perhaps another thing to do, is sit in a single seater instead - where only one person can fit at a time.
A
female
reader, eagle101 +, writes (13 June 2012):
eagle101 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHe wasn't drinking at the time nor had he been. I do think you might be right with the identity crisis thing. I'm not 100% sure, either way I'll be cautious in the future.
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A
female
reader, Dorothy Dix +, writes (13 June 2012):
Hi. I had another idea about why he acts this way.
He is probably now wanting to find another partner, or at least someone to start dating.
It could even be that maybe, he is using you and your friend's other friends as a sounding board.
Like kind of getting an opinion, of what other females think of him as a man.
He might be wondering if he is capable of finding another partner. And no doubt he wants to know if he still has what it takes to find someone to love him.
Being that he is on his own now, after a recent divorce.
Perhaps, not specifically meaning to come across as hitting on you, although that seems to be the consequence just the same.
He needs to find another way to ask if women think he is still attractive.
And asking women who are not even the same age as him - 20 to 30 years his junior - is not the best way to go about it.
What was he thinking?
He acted inappopriately when he put his head on your lap recently, and I have no idea what was his intention there.
And it worries me as to what he might have done, had his daughter not been there at the time.
He should have just got himself a cushion to lean his head on, while he sat upright leaning against the back of the lounge, like everyone else!
So what on EARTH was going on in his head at the time?
Do you think he might have been drinking before you arrived there?
In any case, it just isn't right.
Perhaps he is forgetting he is 20 to 30 years older than all of you, and thinks he is a teenage boy again.
Because he sure is acting like it, isn't he?
He is having an identity crisis, or so it seems anyway.
And as far as what to say to your friend when you suggest she comes to your house in future, perhaps you could simply say - "I am always coming to your place, so how about you come to my place for a change, instead?"
And leave it at that. No need to really say anymore.
Unless she pushes for an answer, there probably really is no need to say anything else.
So consequently, the problem is solved.
Then there is no harm done.
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (12 June 2012):
 If he is making you feel uncomfortable, you are entitled to let them know. "Them" being your friend and her father. I would also talk to your parents about this.
I don't know if this guy is a predator or not, but what he's doing is inappropriate and frankly tacky. Predators get away with stuff because people are afraid to speak up and shine a spotlight on their behavior. This guy may not reach predator status but there's no reason you can't point out his inappropriate behavior.
"Sara, I don't know what's going on with your dad, if he's like having a mid-life crisis or post-divorce trauma or whatever but he's getting a bit too physical with me and your other friends. It's creeping us out. We love you and want to hang out with you but your dad's just a bit too touchy-feely and asks us questions about boyfriends and acts all flirty. It makes me really uncomfortable and I totally don't want to offend you or him but I don't want it to continue."
Tell your parents what you've told us and speak up when someone does something really inappropriate.
"Mr. Schlemiel, I would freak out if my dad did this to one of my friends, it's making uncomfortable. Please take your head off my knee, it's weird."
or
"Mr. Schlemiel, I talked with my parents about this and they said to ask you to go back to being more formal and not touchy-feely. No offense but my personal boundary space is kinda important to me and there's something weird about having Sara's dad trying to be too close to me. I'm like so totally embarrassed to have to say this but I didn't want to let the situation continue without saying something. Thank you."
The point is that you shine a spotlight on his behavior, you call him on the inappropriateness of it and you make sure the people around you are aware of the situation. This is how you keep yourself safe from a handsy kinda guy, no matter if it is the father of one of your friends.
If you feel you can't do that, then avoid seeing him altogether. Tell your friend why though. She probably has an idea. You may even bring it up with his ex-wife, if you know her at all.
I know this is probably too much to ask you to do, and the easiest thing is just to avoid it. But the fact of the matter is that you will encounter guys like this as you go on through life. It's an unfortunate fact that there are creeps out there who need to be told to 'knock it off'! The sooner you get a script you can say out loud, bravely, to them, the sooner you can stop this unwanted type of behavior.
You are entitled to keep your personal space just that, personal. Just because you are a teenage girl does not give everyone you know the right to invade your space and touch you if you do not wish it, okay? You can tell people what your rules are, and that includes Mr. Schlemiel.
"I don't talk about my personal life like this with anyone but my family or closest friends, sorry."
"I'm not comfortable with a lot of hugging or body contact, so I don't really do that. Sorry."
Avoidance or confrontation, those seem to me to be the functional choices. Accepting his behavior is not an option, is it?
"Mr. Schlemiel, I have a virus I'm just getting over and it's best if you keep your distance."
"Mr. Schlemiel, how about just a handshake, I'm not a huggy kind of girl."
"Mr. Schemiel, you keep this up and everyone will think you're in the middle of a midlife crisis. My dad would NEVER do this."
I guess I just want you to think about having the tools already at your disposal to deal with unwanted behavior like this. You could have one or two sentences all practiced out, having said them about 25 times in front of the mirror to get the tone and body language just right. When the time comes, you can just haul them out and say them. Then get away from the guy, whether it be Mr. Schlemiel or some other guy in the future.
Hope this helps a bit. Be brave. You are entitled to set your own personal boundaries and rules and enforce them. Just because you are a teenager doesn't mean you give over control to someone else, okay?
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (12 June 2012):
 her dad sounds like a tool... he just is pretending he's young and attractive and probably has no clue how he creeps the young girls out... especially if as you say he does it to ALL her friends...
if he does it to ALL her female friends, it's how he interacts with you guys and it's harmless. creepy and annoying but harmless.
Personally I'd go from that standpoint and say something to your friends about what a tool your dad is... laugh about it... she's probably well aware he's creepy and it's probably very embarrassing for her... so maybe all just hang out somewhere else when dad's around.
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A
female
reader, eagle101 +, writes (12 June 2012):
eagle101 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHere's the thing, I'm not exactly sure how she'll react to me asking. I'm scared to ask. Also, he kind of acts like that when other friends are around. Some of my other friends who are friends with my friend with the dad, say he's a little creepy. He's asked the boyfriend thing with them but not as much as me. Idk how to approach her about this.
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A
female
reader, Dorothy Dix +, writes (12 June 2012):
Hi. Perhaps the next time you see your friend, ask her what she thinks about how he talks to you, and let her know that you aren't very comfortable with how her father behaves.
And as a matter of interest, you could ask her if that's how he carries on all the time - with her other friends.
And yes, I agree that having her visit your house in future, is a wise thing.
Then you avoid awkward moments altogether.
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A
female
reader, eagle101 +, writes (12 June 2012):
eagle101 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionAgain, thanks for putting some input in.
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A
female
reader, eagle101 +, writes (12 June 2012):
eagle101 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHe is divorced from her mom. My friend was around when he said this. I forgot to mention, when i pushed his side to get off my knees, he did. Thank you for replying.
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A
female
reader, eagle101 +, writes (12 June 2012):
eagle101 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionMy friend's dad is divorced from her mom and my friend was around when he said these things and when he put his head on my knees. So what she saw/ thought, idk. Thank you all so much. I will invite her over to my house and not go to her house when he's there.
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A
female
reader, Dorothy Dix +, writes (12 June 2012):
Hi there. First of all, I have a question for you.
Is he a single father?
Or does he have a wife and they are together?
And if they are together, where is his wife when he says these things to you?
To me though, it does kind of sound like he's on his own.
It is a bit weird, isn't it?
There would have to be at least a 20 year gap or even more between you and him, for a start.
If that was happening to me, I would be thinking the same way, myself.
It is like he is hinting to you that he is interested in you, for sure.
Indirectly, although direct at the same time, if you get what I mean.
In other words, his intentions seem pretty clear, don't they?
Otherwise, why would he say those things at all?
I think that you ought to be telling your friend, exactly what is happening.
It is definitely inappropriate behaviour, for him to be acting this way towards his daughter's friend.
And no doubt, he doesn't say these things if she is in the room, does he?
So she is pretty much oblivious to what has been happening.
Because if you do not say something ASAP to your friend, it could go on to be more than just suggestions that he likes you.
He might try to touch you inappropriately, which just isn't on at all.
It could become very uncomfortable for you, so best nip it in the bud right now.
And in the worst case scenario, just don't go around there anymore.
Ask your friend to come to your place instead.
That way, you avoid the situation altogether.
And if your friend asks you why you don't want to come around there anymore, just be totally honest with her.
There is no point in making up some excuse, as she will be able to see that you are not telling her the truth.
So all the more reason to tell her the whole truth in the first place.
And do not delay in doing this.
Action needs to be taken now, before things get out of control.
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A
female
reader, PerhapsNot +, writes (11 June 2012):
 You're around a total creep, possibly a pedophile and rapist. There is your answer. This is not normal, or healthy behavior for an adult male. My advise to you is to NEVER spend any alone time with this man. He will only get bolder and more forward with you. You may just end up another rape statistic if you continue to talk or be around him. Avoid going to your friend's house at all cost and NEVER spend time alone. This man is a total creep and if you don't protect yourself, I fear what might happen to you.
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A
female
reader, Xx-Scorpio-xX  +, writes (11 June 2012):
 I'd say avoid going round your friends house for a while, or while you know he's going to be in. Invite her round yours instead or something. If he carries on, have a firm word with him about his behaviour, and tell him it makes you feel uncomftable.
Good Luck :)
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