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writes: I know people always say 'freinds before boyfriends/ girlfriends' but is this actually true?Does this apply to freinds of the opposite gender, even if they really are just friends and your'e not attracted to them at all?My boyfriend recently got me to stop seeing my guy mate, because he doesn't trust me, even though I've not done anything to misplace his trust and I'm really not attracted to my friend in the slightest. He's a good looking kid but he's like my brother! Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (20 July 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionMe and my boyfreind are no high school fling, we have been together a fair bit over two years. I have known my guy freind longer.We are close in the way that we tell each other everything, can talk about everything and just know each other, almost like family. But I'd never ever stop over at his house or anything, and we don't hug and mess about the way I do with girl mates. Not that i don't trust myself to, I know I could do any of those things and not feel awkward with my freind, but obviously I don't out of respect of my boyfreind. I don't crave anything more with my freind at all!But I don't see my boy mate any more, which is upsetting, but I have effectively chosen my boyfreind over my freind. I miss my freind alot, but my boyfreind is my love, completely.My freind was always a decent guy, a bit of a risk taker, and always someone who just wanted the world to pass them by. He was my older bro totally, and we never argued or disagreed, and even if he was doing something a bit wild, he never involved me in trouble or made me feel uncomfortable. I loved his company. He was never the guy for college, even though he tried, he dropped out and now works in a hardware shop, which my boyfreind seems to think is pathetic, even though he is doing well to sustain a job with the economy being a mess. My boyfreind used to get on with him, even though he denies it, he used to bike with him and even helped him when my freind broke his shoulder. But when my boyfreind stopped biking, they stopped seeing each other and my boyfreind got a bit bitter, and began to dislike him. The clashed a while back when my boyfreind started getting at me for seeing my freind, at first joking then more and more seriously. My freind started to dislike my guy, as he could tell that he was stopping me seeing him. They fell out argued and my boyfreind eventually got me to stop seeing him and choose, even though my freind wouldn't say things like that. My freind apologised for making troble to me and we have'nt spoke in months.But anyway, what's done is done and as much as I miss my freind, I still have my guy, whom I love with all my heart.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 June 2009): i think its totally okay to have guy friends as well as a boyfriend. i have a guy friend who is like my brother and my BF knows that but he still gets a little jealous. my BF's problem with him is just the my friend is the one i turn to when im upset or something because i know he can make it better.
are u really close to ur guy friend? if so it might make your BF a little jealous. just tell him to cool off and get over it and if he doesnt then hes not worth it.
? Cass
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reader, anonymous, writes (12 June 2009): It depends on who you value your relationship with more. Do you think you will be with your bf forever? Is this just a fling or do you think it will last? Is the friendship with the other guy life long? Or just a High school thing? If your bf is looking out for your own good, and he has a really good reason not wanting you hang out with this guy, then it's ok. But if not, if he's just jealous and doesn't trust YOU because you've given him a reason not to, then it's ok. But if he doens't trust you because he's just paranoid, then it's not ok. If you want this to be a happy, healthy relsitonship, then you need to work this out with him. If your male friend is important to you and you are too sensative/kind of a person to just stop seeing him, then you need to tell you bf that. Him being controlling for no good reason is not healthy and not fair to you.I just copied and pasted these from what i said earlier. because i know i ranted and i did cover your question but maybe it was hard to dig out, as it seems you didn't get my point. ~SY.
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female
reader, niki20  +, writes (12 June 2009):
 its def ok to have b/fs and guy friends. does he have girls that are friends? if he does and your ok w/it he really has no right to say :hey hun i dont want you to have guy friends b c i dont trust you: thats not really fair or nice :/ if you havent given him a reason like i said you shouldnt let go if your buddies.
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reader, anonymous, writes (12 June 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionErm, I'm not trying to develop this freindship into a relationship! God no! Whet I'm trying to ask is is it ok in your opinion that I have guy mates as well as a boyfriend, and should he have the right to get jealous?
Thanks Cerberus for the advice. We've been together over 2 years now and I love him and don't want to loose him, but I don't want to loose my mates either :/
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female
reader, Sweety Pie  +, writes (12 June 2009):
 Mates before dates!
Or Bros before hoes for the guys.
I do always wonder that if your bf is also your best friend what do you do??
But put your friends first. Like Cerberus said, they are there for you if your relationship ends!
I have a friend who has been seeing this guy for a year, and she always picks him over us. It makes me feel used half the time. Its gotten to the stage where she only has his name in her contact book, and she chooses him over celebrating a friends birthday. None of us see her as a particularly good friend. If they didnt go to different single sex schools i doubt id see anything off her.
Dont become like that!
Good luck :) x
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female
reader, niki20 +, writes (12 June 2009):
ah the old saying bros before hoes. yes it is true on most cases unless your married. but i would be worried about the fact that he doesnt trust you especially if you havent done anything to make him not trust you. but he could trust you and hot trust your buddy that personally would sound right however if he doesnt trust you at all then that wont work in a relationship, you cant mistrust anybody and have a wonderfully happy relationship w/anybody really. i would try and talk to him about what his deal is. the saying is because relationships come and go and you dont want to loose friends b/c he doesnt trust you. goodluck :) *niki20
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reader, anonymous, writes (12 June 2009): I think that depends. I was really good friends with these three girls and then i met someone. We fell in love.. he was a much better person than I am, he inspired me to better myself. My friends decided that this was me chnaging for the worse because not I didn't want to go to clubs with them and "dance" with nasty men all night, and I didn't want to smoke pot with them, or watch porn. I never wanted to do these things anyway, but the guy i was with brought out the strength in me to be my own person.
They hated him, although they preteneded they didn't. THen, we got engaged. they kept acting like they were happy for me. Then I got pregnant, they acted like thy were happy for me. Then I got married. They went to t weeding, missed the ceremony but got the reception, and acted like they were happy for me. Then he left for deployment. And the truth came out.
They had all agreed behind my back that they wouldn't care if he died overseas.
And taht was the end of them.
There's no one who can say that about my husband and be my friend.
friends before bfs? Sometimes, yes. Often times in fact.
Bur sometimes, No.
It depends on who you value your relationship with more. Do you think you will be with your bf forever? Is this just a fling or do you think it will last? Is the friendship with the pther guy life long? Or just a Hugh school thing?
I've dropped pretty much evveryone of my guy friends. My husband gets nervous about it being away for year, months, and weeks at a time on deployment. He trusts me, but i've been in so many manipulated situations, taht he doens't trust guys around me. And he is much more important to me than any of them. He doesnt hang out with girls alone either.
If your bf is looking out for your own good, and he has a really good reason not wnting you hang out with this guy, then it's ok. But if not, if he's just jealous and doesn't trust YOU because you've given him a reason not to, then it's ok. But if he doens't trust you because he's just paranoid, then it's not ok.
If you want this to be a happy, healthy relsitonship, then you need to work thsi out with him. If your male friend is important to you and you are too sensative/kind of a person to just stop seeing him, then you need to tell you bf that. Him being controlling for no good reason is not healthy and not fair to you.
But you make the decision of bros before hos. There is no saying however, that can define the action of how an entire population should be acting.
~SY.
ps.. sorry it was long. I ranted.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (12 June 2009): personally, I don't think it is mandatory for two people to be friends before a relationship. who says? you can still get to know each together and hold hands, cuddle, things you dont do with a friend.
I dont really believe in love at first sight either, however there has to be a special attraction from the very first time you see that person, if you dont feel that little spark, then chances are, that person isn't the one you probably would date.
Being just first friends could be a good thing, but it could also be your worst nightmare. How about you develop feelings and he doesn't? because he sees you only as a friend?
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reader, anonymous, writes (12 June 2009): Yes it's true that friends should come before boy/girlfriends, why? because they are your support network. A good friend is a friend for life and boyfriends will come and go, if you alienate all your friends for this guy and in the future this relationship ends, who will you have left to help you?
This is your boyfriends problem not yours, you should not let him come between you and your friend due to his own childish jealousy issue. My motto in life is that anyone who dares to make me choose between them and someone else will always lose. If your boyfriend can't get over the fact that you have male friends then let him go find someone else to try and control.
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