A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I have a bit of a dilema regarding a friends birthday.I have this friend, we'll call her Tanya. We're not close, just mates who see eachother once a month or so and usually thru mutual friends as I am very close with one of her bestfriends who also happens to be my flatmate. Basically her birthday is coming up and like most people in current climate, she doesn't have a lot of money so said she wasn't gonna do anything big - just a few drinks in town at a cheap club we know. That was fine as a lot of her friends, me included aren't that well off right now. Although she's not a close friends I was looking forwardd to it and wishing her a Happy Birthday.Yesterday I got a message from her saying that now she's going to have her birthday in London. We live in Essex. And wanted £26 from each of us who was going for a minibus there and back. I was quite shocked as I thought shed said she was gonna keep it cheap and all of a sudden she's going on about going to London (which will be more expensive) and all of us forking out for minibus as there's a lot of us going.My flatmate is also shocked as none of us have much money. We tried to diplomatically say to Tanya, we can't afford that and if its going to be that expensive we may not be able to go. Tanyas response was basically to say that we are being boring and that we should just do it anyway.We physically cannot do it and are being made to feel guilty a result. When it was still just a cheap night out, it was fine. I'm not a big drinker and £26 is more than I'd spend at the bar - I usually spend about £20 on a night out plus maybe £5 on travel. And she wants £26 before we've even got to the club!!What do I do? Her friendship isn't a close one but I don't want to burn bridges over this. Having said that, this whole thing has really pissed me off. But I simply can't afford this night out at the costs she's going on about. She wants to go to a top London club! It was my step dads 50th the other month and I could barely afford the £30 I gave him as a present. This is Tanyas 23rd so not even a big birthday either. She's not listening to me or my flatmate and when we said to her we'll come to london but will make our own way (we'll get train) she said we were pushing up the cost of the bus for everyone else and tried to make us feel guilty.What do I do? I don't want to cause drama and just want a quiet life. I may not have a lot of money but I am happy. I don't need this big night out.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 February 2012): Just dont go, its that simple. Just say thankyou for the invite but that your unable to go as your financies are not good at the moment, but you have put some money in a card for her to get her a drink on you . I know its hard to say no at your age but how ever she will get over it and if she cant understand where your coming from then is she a great loss?
A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim  +, writes (25 February 2012):
 £26.00 is way too much. Just stick to your guns, don't even say sorry. Just tell her, the only way you and your flat mate can participate is for you both to catch the train as the bus is not financially viable.
Quite honestly there are probably others in the bus who will be glad somebody has taken a stand if the bus needs to be cancelled.
If Tanya insists the bus is the only way, you tell her that you will not be able to attend but you'd like to buy her a birthday drink before the bus departs.
Stick to your guns. Don't give in. Don't accept any guilt trip she lays on you, and if she starts on that again tell her that if she had let you know of the change in plans before she booked the bus you could have let her know it was too expensive for you.
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