A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hey Cupids,I've had a situation recently with one of my now former friends that you might be able to help me with. Last year I got to know a guy called Oscar, for whatever reason when I first met him I didn't think we would get on. I was friends with a guy called Jay who I had just met and Oscar was his acquaintance. Oscar had some technical problems with his computer and as i'm an IT guy he asked me for help, so I built him a new computer and went round to his place to set it up. We started to get to know each other and we got on well and become friends. I am gay and Oscar I think is also gay and I saw him kissing one of his gay friends so I assumed that they had at least something going on which I thought was cool. We started hanging out once a week and though we got on, Oscars friend Tim who I did get on with at first started being a bit off with me (Tim isn't the one Oscar was kissing with). Oscar also told me about the Evangelical church he was involved with but didn't mention too much about it either, Tim is also in that church. Anyway as Oscar and I got to know each other, Oscar started being huggy with me and to be fair he is a bit of a hugger, I do hug but not many people and I didn't feel I knew Oscar well enough yet, he could slap me on the back you know and that was about it. We both worked out that our birthdays were 1 day after the other and thought that was pretty cool. Oscar come up to me after I told him and said, i'm going to get you a present for your birthday and I said ok but you don't have too (as I didn't feel I knew him well enough). Anyway, on my birthday he bought me 3 presents! Not very expensive ones but I felt this was a bit too much, but I accepted them. I said I was sorry I didn't have time to get him anything for tomorrow and he said it was ok he didn't want me to get him anything. I thought I would anyway that weekend. Anyway before the weekend the day after his birthday, he was really off with me and pulled a face. So I didn't get him anything during the weekend. He then didn't talk to me for ages and I wasn't sure what I had done but I thought give him a week, we'll make it up, i'll get him a pint and we'll sort it out like bros. BUT 5 weeks go by, I saw him out in town and I went to speak to him but he walked away and I said hey Oscar, you ok? he grunted and walked faster so I gave up. A week after this, our original mutual friend Jay called me up and told me that Oscar didn't want to see me again as I apparently made him feel uncomfortable. I was a bit taken aback by this, he was happy enough when he was buying me presents, why the sudden change. Jay looked at me and shook his head and said he didn't know either. I wondered what you guys made of this? I do feel a bit miffed as I don't feel I did anything to hurt him. I have seen him around and the last time I saw him he was staring at me from a distance which I found odd.
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reader, anonymous, writes (11 August 2017): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHi all. This is a bit of a late reply but I thought I would add an update. Oscar saw me and made a beeline in my direction and wants to be friends again. I mentioned the earlierissue with him being uncomfortable and he looked sheepish about it and won't talk about it. He jus said no I don't make him feel uncomfortable. He hung with me for the rest of the week and he then moved for uni.
A
female
reader, RubyBirtle +, writes (27 November 2015):
You know what I think? (and I could be wrong) I think Oscar is possibly struggling with his sexuality. You say you "think" he's gay but he could be Bi (or closeted). Perhaps his work colleagues have been questioning his sexuality or his church which has caused him to feel uncomfortable around his gay friends.
Or he might be the one with the crush on you (rather than the other way around) He became more "huggy" around you and he bought you 3 presents. Maybe he thought this would win your romantic affections and when it didn't he's started to feel a little stupid so he's backed off and is now turning the tables to make himself feel better. (Straight guys do this often enough with women so I'm sure it happens in gay relationships/friendships too- read up about "Mr Nice Guy" to see if Oscar fits the bill.)
I think you'll just have to leave him to come round of his own accord. You haven't done anything wrong.
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reader, anonymous, writes (26 November 2015): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI didn't mean to upset him or knew that it has upset him. It seemed a bit minor. I spoke to Jay today and he said that Oscar thinks I have a crush on him and i'm going out of my to stare at him when he is at work. He works in a McDonald's type place and I do go and day hi when I eat there. Sometimes he's got customers so I look over to wave of I'm passing. His colleagues are convinced I am I guess stalking him.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 November 2015): It happened right after his Birthday, so not only you didn't buy him anything on his birthday you said the following weekend you did nothing as well. I think that was the reason.Maybe he thinks you don't value his friendship.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 November 2015): You should've bought him a present. He bought you three and you accepted them.
He's probably annoyed that he thought you guys were cool. You have the convo about birthdays being one day apart. It was a little connection. Then you didn't bother to get him anything.
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A
male
reader, Denizen +, writes (26 November 2015):
 This sounds like a misunderstanding that has spiralled out of bounds. The only way to get to the bottom of this is to find out from Oscar himself what is eating him. Anything else is just guess work.
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