A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:A good friend of mine broke up with his ex around 1.5 years ago. He has been struggling with getting over the relationship and often is hurting and perhaps also dismantling his ex. I've often supported my friend who is also an amazing kind person but also extremely emotional. I'm renting my apartment for a short term and his ex got in touch about renting it. I wouldn't see his ex, it would be a business transaction with someone I know and trust. I went to my friend to ask him how he would feel (not what I should do), and he told me not to rent it. This is deeply unsettling for me as he's telling me what to do and also his unresolved emotional state is affecting my financial dealings. When I asked him what his reservations were he feels "invaded by his ex" and doesn't wish to "let him enjoy the comfort of his friendship circles", essentially he expects out of loyalty to his friends to ghost this person in all senses. For me, I'm left unsettled and disturbed by this. Am I being unreasonable? I wouldn't expect my friend to do this for me. I have no interest in friendship but in renting my place to cover my holiday.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 May 2023): His ex is his EX. His ex is NOT everyone else's ex. Just like he didn't get to decide who is ex was friends/associates with when they were together, he DEFINITELY doesn't get to decide who ex is friends/associates with now that they are broken up. He also has NO right to decide who YOU are friends or associates with and it's extremely entitled of him to assume otherwise! If HE (your fr) wants to completely disengage from ex, then FRIEND needs to be the one to disengage. HE is the one who needs to let go of everything and everyone connected to ex, including friends and associates who are mutual. It's HIS problem, not yours. HE needs to go, not the ex.
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