A
female
age
41-50,
*allsanya
writes:HiI'm in a strange problem.I'm a happily married woman immensely in love with her husband but was somewhere lonely.my husband switched his job to a foreign country and i had to stay here for one year. soon after reaching there, he got busy and had almost no time for me to chat with.and when we talked there was nothing more to say other than the economic downturn.i immersed myself in my work where i got a very good friend in one of my colleague who was little younger than me.He was happily committed to her girlfriend who was little busy those days in establishing herself.both were visibly very much in love and dedicated to each other.but in a matter of three months we fell in love with each other as if we had known each other since time immemorial.i used to tell certain things about him which even he never confessed to himself and vice versa. matter grew to a point where we could not apart for even a single day.hours of chatting, sending txt msgs and talking over phone for hours in night after spending eight hours in office seemed insufficient.surprisingly, we never thought of leaving our respective partners or indulging into physical relationships.One year spend and my husband returned and then we relocated to a different city. and all of a sudden,beans were spilled before both of our partners.My husband has forgiven me sharing the burden of fault of leaving me alone, though I dont think I have done anything wrong. But his girlfriend is adamant not to re conciliate. their common friends are trying to help them. Should I intervene? What should I do?
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female
reader, callsanya +, writes (7 November 2009):
callsanya is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks Gina yet again
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 November 2009): I think you have cause enough problems already. This gf has every right to be hurt and even angry at you. While your hb was away you helped yourself to her man. You are jut so damn lucky your hb took you back after all the interactions with this other man. Cheating is not only sexual, it is emotional as well. your affair is over and please leave well alone. This woman has had too much to deal with thus far. your intervention is just make things worse for all. instead of looking to "help out' the friend, start investing in your hb and marriage or your hb will catch a wake up soon and decide that enough is enough.
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1  +, writes (5 November 2009):
 You're trying to find a way to stay connected to this man by 'helping'. I think anything you'd say to him now would only hurt her and their relationship further.
You've made a choice to commit to your husband now, I suggest you turn your attention to mending your own relationship and fragile psyche. It's part of the process of letting go. If you have things inside you that you feel you must express, write them in a letter, which you do NOT send. You write it all down and put it away and keep it for a while. Take it out from time to time and re-read it, and edit it freely as the days go on.
Keep the letter until you feel you are healed and then you might want to burn it in a little ritual as a way to let go of the past in an ritualistic way.
Do NOT call this woman, or her husband. This will only drag you back and harm your marriage.
Good luck.
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A
female
reader, callsanya +, writes (5 November 2009):
callsanya is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThe girl askd 4 my ph number but my husband does not want me to talk calling them ghosts of past.also i'm mentally not stable these days.he is apprehending some nervous breakdown on direct confrontation as i'm submissive type.but if i talk to her,may be she n her boyfriend can patch up again.I dont want to defy my husband who stood by me in hard times but want to help them too. what should i do?
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 November 2009): you could intervene,cause the g/f might be having hard time believing that the r/ship you had with her b/f is over. she might be thinking that even if she accepts her b/f back into her life,this r/ship could still go on.so if you know you do not want to be with her b/f again, i think you could help reassure her.
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A
female
reader, callsanya +, writes (4 November 2009):
callsanya is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks Gina and Fireandice. I'll go by your suggestion.
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A
female
reader, Honeygirl  +, writes (4 November 2009):
 No I dont think you should intevene.. whatever happens in their relationship is up to them to sort out.
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A
female
reader, FireAndIce +, writes (4 November 2009):
I really don't think you should intervene. You are part of her problem so chances are, she's not going to want to hear from you and you may just make things worse. If I were in her position I wouldn't want to hear from you and I'd be angry if you got involved further.
Are you still in contact with him? Because I don't think you should be. Move on with your life and work on your relationship with your husband.
Your husband accepts part of the responsibility for what happened and thus he understands how it happened.
But in her case, she had a loving boyfriend that developed feelings for someone else right under her nose.
Leave them be, let them try and work things our on their own.
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