A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:Every social media I get is ruined for me! I used to be on live journal a long time ago, when I was 16. i tried to use it when no one was looking but when my dad backdated the computer, he saw it and browsed but only came up with my username. It was all friends only and my family badgered me over and over to give them an account and add them. They didn't see the point if I didn't know anyone and I only used it for strangers so I could be open about stuff I couldn't be at home. They saw some of my communities and questioned me and grounded me from Internet unless they let me use a site for school or let them read it. Like emails and PMs. So I deleted it altogether and they were even more mad!I had a Facebook that was ONLY family and some school or work friends until they tagged me in memories that got me in trouble. Nothing bad, just "funny" stories about conversations we had or double dates at restaurants when they KNEW I was supposed to be somewhere else and KNEW my family would read. So I got grounded at EIGHTEEN. I had to delete my account and get on my parents' account that included my younger siblings so it's a family name. I moved in with friends and had to move back out with my name still on the lease since NO ONE would pay the bills and ate all my food. So I'm still paying everything while they get to live it up. My parents had come over to talk to my friends about it and decided to move me home or call the police since they saw beer bottles and " smelled marijuana " (it was incense!) So yeah, no friends.But I'd made a different Facebook with my middle name and mom's last name when I was living with them. I had to check it on my phone and even noe (I'm 21) they keep telling me to put it away when I'm home or involve me in something messy and my phone magically disappears. Its not like I have it at the dinner table. They keep talking about raising my rent or charging me phone time when I already barely have enough for a bus card!Their solution is for me to "stay home more" or to stop me on the way out the door to do my thing with emergency babysitting. Or to talk me out of my money or promise my siblings I'll take them. And tell me if I lose the phone I would have more money.That's how they found out about my second Facebook and demanded I add them. I told them no and couldn't find the phone for a full week!I got rid of that too and a cousin saw I had a whisper and has NOT SHUT UP about trying to get my name or get me to add her! So there goes yet another safe spot where I can say what I want without judgment. Why can't people leave things alone?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 July 2016): Thank you thank you! I have an appointment with a lawyer and I want to see what she will say about all that. She did say something about an escrow account to keep my credit good and we'll see if I can take the ones on the lease to small claims court. She works on sliding scale. I had to call three people to find her.I do want to move back with them. I'm going to use the lockbox idea for sure as long as that doesn't disappear too. They don't like me on accounts because they don't want me hiding things from them or talking about them. I've never been in trouble in my life only with them.
A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (5 July 2016):
 So move back into the apartment that is legally yours to live in, kick out the freeloaders and get a responsible roommate or two.
It's amazing you found a company that would rent to you under the age of 21, I think many places prefer older tenants. You really do need to move back in to ensure your security deposit and credit rating aren't destroyed.
You're fretting about social media accounts when you should be focused on the long term goal of gaining independence, completing your education and establishing a career. Social media could be a big fat time waster as well as diverting you from your goals.
Your family obviously knows how to badger you; it's time for you to establish your boundaries and enforce them. Go to the school's counseling service and get some help with that.
Focus.
You are 21 and legally an adult. If your family is part of a religious sect that actively tries to control and imprison adults then you need to get the hell out of there.
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (5 July 2016):
So move back into the apartment that is legally yours to live in, kick out the freeloaders and get a responsible roommate or two.
It's amazing you found a company that would rent to you under the age of 21, I think many places prefer older tenants. You really do need to move back in to ensure your security deposit and credit rating aren't destroyed.
You're fretting about social media accounts when you should be focused on the long term goal of gaining independence, completing your education and establishing a career. Social media could be a big fat time waster as well as diverting you from your goals.
Your family obviously knows how to badger you; it's time for you to establish your boundaries and enforce them. Go to the school's counseling service and get some help with that.
Focus.
You are 21 and legally an adult. If your family is part of a religious sect that actively tries to control and imprison adults then you need to get the hell out of there.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (5 July 2016):
YOU should NOT be paying for a place you don't live at, that is ridiculous.
As for all this Facebook nonsense, stay off social media for a while till you are able to move out on your own.
If you are on your parents cell phone plan, GET OFF it as soon as it's up for renewal. Then cancel it and get yourself a plan of your own and DO NOT share it with anyone, OR buy a cheap burner phone and buy minutes as you go.
You are 18, but you do come across as unorganized and immature. I mean seriously? You had to have your folks come over because your room mates don't pay rent? no... no... YOU want to be treated as an adult, then TIME to ACT like one.
1. Talk to your landlord and get yourself removed from the lease ASAP, specially if you don't live there any more. HE/SHE has a right to know who is occupying his place and HE will have to LEGALLY evict them (you might not have to, IF you tell him your situation).
2. Leave social media alone till you are able to move out. So far it has caused you nothing but grief. I have a 13 year old who is on Facebook and I don't go check up on it, she quite often shows me things on it, but I KNOW I can trust her to behave online. Obviously, your parents don't trust you to use common sense online or ... they just don't trust you. Not being on social websites for a while is not going to kill you.
3. While you live under their roof, you do have to answer to them. Though the whole "demand" that you add them is just... plain weird unless they feel they HAVE to monitor you because of things you did in the past.
4. Start charging your parent for baby sitting. Hey, you pay rent - they should pay for babysitting. IMHO
5. buy a little lock box or foot locker for you room with a key on. LEAVE your phone in there when you are not using it, that way.. it won't "disappear".
Get cracking!
And remember... this too will pass.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 July 2016): You're saying you're on the lease still? Then you can move back! Yes, your roommates (not friends) paid no rent and ate your food but now you're paying TWO rents with NO freedom or privacy! I'm sure you called your parents for help but they LIED to force you back home and back under their thumb. Why did you think the police would come arrest you for underage drinking if a) they can't come in without a warrant unless you let them and b) they couldn't prove it was consumed by underage people? Did you know you could demand your parents leave and call the cops when they don't? But hey, they have you so cowed that you can't do that. I understand, I'm 37 and I've had "Respect your elders" pounded into my head.BUT you are paying rent TWO places AND for your phone. You're losing MORE Monet living at home with no way to save. Use your phone to call a lawyer for a free legal consultation regarding your lease. Bring your lease. Next time you sign ANYTHING, make sure you read AND understand your RIGHTS. ASK about possible recourse if roommates refuse to pay their part. As for food, invest in a backpack with a lock and every few days stock up on microwave soup, rolls etc. Leave for work EARLY so you can buy individual fruits/frozen meals to stock in your work fridge. It will suck, but they can't eat your food! You can sock away the rest of your $ for your OWN little efficiency when the lease ends. At least you won't be HOME.For YOU. Make NEW friends and distance yourself from your roommates. Your biggest problems: naivety, fear of confrontation, not knowing your rights.
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A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (4 July 2016):
 the thing is, you are an adult therefore you are free to move out of home, I can understand why your parents are worried about you, but legally they have no hold on you. The thing with the flat is if your friends are not paying there rent that is not your problem, there names should be on the lease as well so talk to the landlord about this, and if you choose to move in with friends again then make sure a legal contract is signed up about all bills in the house. If you pay for your own phone well thats good, put a lock on it and they cannot access it. They have a right to take some money from you as you are living there. I think the sooner you move out and make a life for yourself outside of home the happier you will be.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 July 2016): I do have a job and it covers my rent at the apartment they made me move out of. That's supposed to be $350 but my roommates refuse to pay and I'm stuck so I end up paying $700 and my parents charge me 30% of my income. I do pay for the phone but they add on extra costs and really hate the phone. They want me to keep paying until I finish that lease and go back to school but stay home. They were very against me moving in with friends because they thought it was too much freedom for me.
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A
male
reader, BrownWolf  +, writes (4 July 2016):
Question...Do you have a job? Do you pay for your own phone bill?
I am a parent of a soon to be twenty year old...female. So I can in some ways see where your parents are coming from, in trying to control the use of your phone.
Not saying they are right in how they handle it. If they raised you with a good head your shoulder, and you sound very smart...they should back off.
If you do have a job and pay for your own phone...they have no right to have access to it. The phone once paid for by you, is your responsibility.
I had a very very rough childhood. But I am glad...Know why?? It showed me the kind of parent I did not want to be. Keep that in mind. :)))
It maybe hard...but see how much they will charge you for rent...Because once you are paying rent...they cannot make all those demands. If they still do...call them on it.
My job is to make my daughter more independent, not more dependent on me. I will not always be there, so the more she can do on her own, the better for both of us. Your parents need to realize the world is not a safe place. The more sheltered you are, the more likely you are to make mistakes.
Do yourself a favour. Get a job if you don't have one. If you do...work hard at it... And save like crazy. Put up with the nonsense for now. Do really good in school so you can get an even better job...if you are in school. Next time you move out...you will have enough money to make it permanent.
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