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female
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anonymous
writes: Hi, I am 14 and I am in trouble. I know you think "you are only 14. What are you doing thinking about sex already?" I know I shouldn't be, but I have and I have ended up pregnant. I have took 2 posative tests and I don't know what to do. Should I tell my mum or should I get rid of it and not tell anyone? Thanx for advice. help needed x Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Terrapin +, writes (11 June 2006):
 If you think that you REALLY want an abortion, talk to your mum and the boy who got you pregnant. Please DONT do anything without telling someone, whatever you decide to do, it is your choice. DONT let anyone bully you into keeping/letting someone adopt/aborting the baby, its YOUR right to decide. But PLEASE DO get help and support from your family and any guy on the scene. I had my little boy just after I turned 17, and life is hard, but I dont regret my decisions ever, make sure you can say the same.
A
female
reader, Phoebe Halliwell  +, writes (11 June 2006):
 Hi,
whatever you do, do not get rid of your baby, it just leaves you feeling alone and guilty. Talk to a family member or someone you trust. You need to tell someone. It's bad for you and you baby if you keep it bottled up inside.
Good Luck and my Very Best Wishes,
(Good luck with the cravings!)
Phoebe
xxx
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A
female
reader, ammisbetter +, writes (11 June 2006):
I am so sorry. I couldn't even imagine what you are going through. Yes, tell your mum. I don't want to see you go through this alone. You need someone to be there for you even if it is not your mum. Abortion clinics generally have counselors on staff you may want to talk to someone professional about this, providing it is confidential. This is huge. I have been single and pregnant I was 25 but nonetheless it was unplanned. It was an eptopic pregnancy, meaning the baby was growing in my tube. I almost died. I am not trying to be overly dramatic and I am not trying to scare you. However, I do want you to know the importance of letting someone know. Whatever your decision may be, I wish you all the luck in the world. What doesn’t kill us makes us stronger.
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A
female
reader, hothannah +, writes (11 June 2006):
i think that you should talk to your mum tell her that you want her ideas and need her guidence dont worry if she takes is wrongly tell her you did not mean for this to happen and that u was wrong in doing so ask for her support u need her at this time
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A
female
reader, Bev Conolly  +, writes (11 June 2006):
 I'm so sorry that you have to make this decision at this time in your life. It's hard to "tell" you what to do; all I can do is give you suggestions. In spite of the fact that everyone who responds is going to have their own opinion, you have to do what works for YOU right now, not what other people think.
Here are some questions to ask yourself, to get you started on what to do next:
1. Do you have a good relationship with your mum? If so, and you don't think she'll totally freak out and do something stupid like throw you out of home, then tell her what you've told us here. You probably shouldn't have been having sex, but you did and now you're pregnant and don't know what to do next.
If your relationship with her is already strained, then please discuss this with some other adult (Your dad? An aunt? A teacher at school? A friend's mum?) who can give you advice that's relevant to you and your circumstances. Please don't try to handle this on your own, all by yourself though. There might be a lot of support and services for girls in your situation that you won't even know about unless you talk to someone. If school's not yet out where you are, even a school counsellor can help you, without everyone knowing.
2. How far along in your pregnancy are you? Is it really early days, or a couple of months? You might have to go to the doctor soon and find out how many weeks' pregnant you are, to decide what options you might have.
3. How do you feel about abortions, yourself? Some people feel that, unfortunately, they're necessary in some cases. Others feel strongly that they're always wrong. Ask yourself what you feel and whether you have any doubts yourself. If not, then look in the government part of the phone book under "sexual health" or "women's health" and call up the number to talk about your options.
If there's a chance you can't live with that choice, then you can carry the baby, give birth and give it up to a childless family who'll take care and raise your child with love.
There might be other things you can do, too, depending on your family. In the "olden days", sometimes family members adopted unplanned babies and raised them as siblings, or elder sisters raised the children as their own. These things all depend on your family and your own feelings.
I know that the most urgent feeling is "stop this, I don't want this", but try to think through how you'll feel after. I wouldn't talk you out of an abortion if you're in your first trimester, but ultimately, you have to make your own decision that you can accept.
Just don't think that there are only two options. There might be more things you can do than you're aware of. It depends on all the variables of your life and where you live, and how you feel. The best thing to do -- if you feel you can -- is say to your mum "I don't know how to say this gently, but I'm pregnant and I need your help". Hopefully, you can then work things out in a supportive environment.
Good luck dear, whatever you decide.
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A
male
reader, whiej10 +, writes (11 June 2006):
First: Don't panic. Secondaly: I don't know what your mum is like but I am sure she would be much happier if you told her now than in 6 years when you figure out you regret having an abortion. I think you have been foolish allowing yourself to become pregnant but i think you already know that. Please don't misunderstand this as an insult but do you know the father? If you do you need to tell him too. I think having an abortion is wrong so to raise this child properly (if thats what you decide to do) it will need a father involving him now (more than he has been) will help. I really really think you should tell your mother. Hope this helps!
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