A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:What is Video Pay TV on a hotel receipt. Is it porn?Found it on some of my husbands receipts when he was away on business. He denies it is porn, but has viewed porn many times behind my back, and would deny it no matter what anyway. He says he was watching footie, which i would imagine would show up as sky tv/cable on the receipts not Video Pay TV. Also one of the receipts he tried to hide deliberately from me, when i later confronted him, he admitted he had hidden it. Why do that if he has nothing to hide?
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male
reader, Richard_EMids +, writes (9 February 2008):
 Hi. Some answers for you to consider:
Video Pay TV is what you have to pay extra for on top of what is included in the hotel room rate. Depends on the hotel. It's how they make a little extra out of their customers. It could be sport, the latest films, Disney, or pornography.
What is termed pornography on a hotel media system, will not be illegal, hard core, depraved, 'spend 3 months in prison' pornography.
Respondents to this this type of question often fall into stereotyping the sexes. I'm not criticising them, I do it myself to keep the answer simple. But of course we all know it's much more complex than that. There are many shades of grey between black and white.
Some say it is generally best to ignore any anonymous postings on this website. There is a reason why they post anonymously.
Pornography is a label that covers such a wide range of media that it is impossible to conclude anything from the knowledge someone has watched it. Shades of grey again.
It can get extremely boring staying in hotels.
Many people watch, what is termed pornography, for many different reasons: fascination, curiosity, amusement, and temporary escape, just like reading a book, including to complement masturbation for relaxation.
If morality could be measured on a scale between 0 - 100 you will find there are very, very few who would have a rating of 100. Rarely do husbands and wives have exactly the same reading. Therefore one will always be further up the scale. If there was a huge gap between a couple, it would show up in so many other ways and be a major problem.
Hope this helped. Take care, Richard
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 January 2008): I personally think porn is very dangerous and we have all become too desensitised by it. I have had problems in my relationship with this one; we both tried watching it but he looked embarrassed because it was what it was - primitive and boring. And no it doesn't spice up your sex life (another myth); after watching it there weren't any hints and tips that we took away. Men start viewing life through porn tinted spectacles and therein lies the problem. They'll start ogling women (with various porn scenarios going through their head). They'll probably imagine making love to your best friend (another porn scenario). They want you to make love like the women in the porn movies and they'll be bitterley disappointed when it falls short - so watch as your love making becomes less and less; whilst they're jacking off to porn material on the quiet. My bf's best friend watches porn avidly and because of this, he gets very quickly dissatisfied with his love life, he then turns to porn and gets even more dissatisfied. Porn is a huge problem because it takes over; they jack off and feel good in their fantasy land and unfortunately real life and sex will never quite measure up - leaving everyone dissatisfied as a result.
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A
male
reader, Collaroy  +, writes (10 January 2008):
 Hi,
I cant see too much of a problem. We men are generally non confrontational people and be honest, if he admitted that he watches porn while he is away are you sure you would be totally fine by it? I ask this because the tone of your post suggests you wouldnt. And therein lies the problem, he doesnt want to get in an argument with you about it.
A lot of men, women and couples watch porn, my wife and I do, there is no harm, we are not insecure people so there are no issues about does the girl have bigger boobs than my wife or the guy have a bigger willy than me - its all harmless fun and spices things up in the bedroom . Read some of the posts from women who go through their husbands receipts and see payments made to brothels and the like, I reckon they would swap with your problem any day.
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A
female
reader, hlskitten +, writes (9 January 2008):
 Hi
I would say its just a pay per view thing, like sky, sports etc. It could of been porn, but is that so bad? I guess atleast if he was in his room, he wasnt out meeting women! Maybe a twisted way of looking at it, but true none the less ey :o)
You could always ring the hotel and ask them what it means?
All the best.
C xxxxx
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (9 January 2008): If he is watching porn at home instead of paying attention to you, it would be a problem. However, if he is traveling and in hotel rooms, I would say you are lucky that he is watching movies and/or porn, and not out hooking up. This isn't a big deal if it's ONLY while he or you are out of town.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 January 2008): I have the same experiences with my husband. I don't remember ever letting him down sexually and have been open to watching this with him several times, so it's not because of anything you do or don't do. Nevertheless he will do it behind my back and then hide it or lie about it. The lying hurts the most because I don't know where he draws the line. When trying to discuss it, even calmly, him he gets defensive. I really wish I had some advice for you, but I don't, other than to extend my sympathy with you. Good luck!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 January 2008): He may of just been bored and lonely in his hotel room and this is how he passed the time. If he thought it bothered you then he would hide the stuff. I wouldnt be too hard on him, i just think he is worried about your reaction to it all. I dont mind but my bloke doesnt do it, so i am ok there. But if they are away on their own, what harm can it do. He hasnt been unfaithful,so stop worrying. If you dont like him doing it at home, then tell him and dont put up with it.
take care
xx
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 January 2008): In reply to Tellulah's letter. I have no major issue with porn, if he admitted it, that would be ok, i'm not saying i would not be hurt but it's the sneaking around i don't like and the lies. I don't tell lies and i don't expect it to be done to me. My husband has lied a lot over the years, not regarding other women but this has caused a great strain on our marriage. I also don't think he has a porn addiction,as such. We still have a healthy sex life and he pays me quite a lot of attention, even so i wonder what else he is capable of. If he was honest and open about it i really think i would be ok with it.
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A
female
reader, Basschick +, writes (9 January 2008):
 You have to wonder if he hides his porn addiction, what else is he hiding? And when he grows tired of watching women he can't touch, what else will he do? Go to a strip club? Pay for a lap dance?....Or hook up with someone at the hotel bar?...Perhaps your husband has grown bored with you and/or your sex life. A little more probing may be worthwhile. There could be bigger problems here. Good luck.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 January 2008): I know exactly how you feel. I found my man watching something and reacted really badly, terribly in fact. I went to see a sex therapist for counselling. Tell me truthfully, have you never had a curiosity look at something a bit rude? Found yourself a bit aroused by it? Surely everyone has. If you ever have and you did feel a bit stirred, did you for one second think of it as being unfaithful to your man?
From what I hear all men do this, lots of women do too. Respecting your relationship enough not to do it at home sounds a good compromise. If you try to tell him never, you will fail, he will fail and you will both feel bad. You need to come up with a negotiated compromise. Mine was whilst I would prefer it if he did not, I would accept that he will do this sometimes. Just not on the home computer and I don’t want to have to even think about it again.
It is a terrible thing when it becomes an addiction but this sounds far short of that. I know how bad it feels to think your partner is being unfaithful with his eyes, but he does not see it that way I am sure. You need to respect each other and your freedom as individuals to have your own private thoughts sometimes whilst remaining committed to each other.
If you thought you would like to strangle someone you met and he could read you mind would it make you a murderer? If he watches footie and loves it ,it does not mean he would have any intention of joining the team! Do you see what I mean?
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A
female
reader, TELLULAH +, writes (9 January 2008):
 Hi,
From the way that your letter read's I would say that he has to hide everything in case it upsets you. Are you against him watching porn, or is he just embarassed that he likes to look?
I know my boyfriend looks at porn and I cant say it bothers me really. Although everyone will have a different veiw I'm sure.
As long as he is faithfull to you, and takes good care of you. I really cant see the harm.
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