A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Here is the deal,8 years ago i got engaged before i left my country a year after that i found out my fiance was seeing someone else, when i confronted him about it, even after that i tried to work it out with him but the relationship got strained and we went our seperate ways without evensaying goodbye. Now after all those years we made contact againI was talking to a friend of mine via instant messaging and i ask her to find him for me so she did and he was as excited to speak with me as i was him. we started talking and realise we still have the same feelings for each other that we had 8 years ago and even though we moved on our hearts never felt complete. here is the catch....he is married to the same girl he cheated on me with ironically she has my first name and last initial and she has two kids for him. Now he is saying the whole marriage was a mistake he only married her for the kids and he wants to get back with me. I told him i don't want to be considered a homewrecker and whenever he makes his decision contact me but he is so adamant, he said he lost me once and do not want to loose me again and he wants me to have patience until he puts things in place for us to be together. Now my problem is that I love this guy so much i never realised that i did until i started talking back to him, i have kept up with his life over the 8 years i knew he was married before i contacted him and i still did, i actually just contacted him to say congratulations. my question is should i believe him, should i give him the chance he wants, or should i leave the situation alone? I need to know what to do and why i should do it?
View related questions:
cheated on me, engaged, fiance, my ex Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 February 2009): You probably should just leave it alone. If his marriage was really coming to an end prior to your calling, then it had nothing to do with you, but you could be encouraging him to leave where as he might have tried a little harder to work it out. You have to remember, there are also children involved here and again, if it was going to end anyway that is not you fault, but you don't want to be the determining factor in something like this. Also, that fact that he wants to get back with you prior to ending things with his wife is not saying too much for him. No matter how bad you feel about having to tell him no right now, how much worst would you feel if you agreed to get with him and then a couple of months down the line he decided to work things out with his wife. I mean good for them, but where would that leave you? Make him do the right thing and faith will bring you back together if it is meant to be.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 February 2009): Leave it alone for now.. If it's meant to be then let it be.. But he should make his decision based on his feelings and not his feelings for you.. He could say what he wants but the truth is they are a family and if you stick around now you'll be blamed and you'll blame yourself to. So for now I would leave it be.. If he is truly unhappy in his marriage that is between him and his wife and if they do decide to seperate then it should be their decision.. If you walk away now two things could happen. 1) He will have time to think and if he is so unhappy they will either try to work it out or go their seperate ways or 2) if you're not around giving him motivation he might decide to try and make a good life for his family.. I know the 2nd one will hurt but in the long run you shouldn't be his reason for walking away on his wife and kids.. He needs to decide it on his own.. And trust me, what's meant to be will always be...
...............................
|
