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anonymous
writes: I have caught my boyfriend having X-rated conversations with this girl over the internet. Should I tell my boyfriend and soon to be father of our kid, or should I just forget about it? The catch is is that I caught him by looking through his email, so do I have a right to call him out on it? He has done this before, about 6 months ago, chatting with other girls but really graphic conversations. I am devestated, but I need some advice. Please help!DALS
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A reader, G, writes (8 March 2005): I just caught my boyfriend doing the same thing. I couldn't take it any longer so I decided to confront him and he was extremely upset at first. I could tell the only reason he was angry was because he got caught and felt guilty. I think you really need to talk to your boyfriend cuz it will eat away at you. The next day, after he cooled off, he completely apologized. We talked about how it was wrong of me to snoop but the fact that I found something, made me believe it's a good thing I did. Anyways, what he did is way worse than going through his e-mail because he shouldn't have anything to hide from me. Good luck and I hope everything works out for the best!
A reader, niki, writes (7 March 2005): Ive been there, my bf has done it a few times, i once did the same thing you have done (well more than once to be honest) as i didnt trust him at the time. I found conversations which shouldnt have been there, but i couldnt just let it lie, even though i shouldnt have looked. I told him what i had read, confronted him about it all.He denied it at first (i dont know what the point in that was as it couldnt have been anyone else who wrote it),and then he admitted it. Once i had forgiven him he turned it around whenever i mentioned it and said i shouldnt have looked anyway.But think about it - there shouldnt be anything on there for him to be worried about you reading really, and he should be lucky you are taking it so well! You cant let it keep happening to be honest, it will just make you feel awfull. But i dont know your bf, and it might make him become more secretive and withdrawn, you need to think about what his possible reactions would be before you say anything, but i am glad i did! hope it helps xx
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reader, Rebecca Batchelor +, writes (7 March 2005):
 I think you are definitely going to have to say something. The reason why you were snooping was due to lack of trust and it isn't at all surprising. Okay, so he may have a go at you for reading his mail but he really hasn't got a leg to stand on. He shouldn't be having graphic conversations with other girls! You need to find out whether this type of thing could go further. It could just be an outlet for him to let off steam but there is no real excuse. Did you bring his attention to the fact that you knew he was doing it before?You need to sit him down and ask him where you stand with him. You both have a baby to consider and you need to know if the future is secure for both of you. I assume you want it stop and you need to say this also. Suggest that if he wants to talk dirty then you are a happy to listen! Seriously, he needs to get priorities right.Good luck.
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reader, anonymous, writes (7 March 2005): Hi, Well, i have snooped before now and i know we shouldnt.You dont say if he knows you know about before or not. If he does and he knows he has given you reason to not trust him, then maybe you could own up to it.If you dont say anything this will eat away at you and things will be very fraught between you. At the end of the day you may be wrong for going through his emails, but then what you have found him to be doing is much worse.My advice is to get it out in the open, you will not be able to relax until you do. My reasons for snooping is because of an ex who cheated on me and now i think my new partner will do the same, i am probably even more in the wrong than you, fortunatley i have found nothing.But just remember that in this instance you are both in the wrong and it need to be sorted out. He should not be doing this. You need to know why he feels he has to talk like this with other women.Tell him how hurt you are and you want it to stop. If he has any respect for you, he will.Good luck
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