A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:This is about my teacher..I need help :(I am 16, 17 in September and I have finished school and I am halfway through my GCSE's.I had a few issues with one of my ex-teachers; as I am not coming back to my old school next year, she is now an ex-teacher. The story is long, but basically she was found out of improper conduct and was not allowed to speak to me any longer. She kept this up until she started to briefly talk to me, however, only about school related topics, compared to what we used to discuss. It was hard moving on from this, because I loved her so deeply and I never wanted to be parted from her, she made me so happy, and made sure that I was always okay, whether it be through her words, or her presence, feeling safe and secure with.But she blamed everything onto me, even though she was the 'responsbile adult' and made me feel so small, I was sucidial for 3 months, I couldnt cope without her, I needed her just to breathe. But when I returned back to school in September, I tried to think that she wasn't there and I got so much better, I didnt look into her room as much, I stopped talking about her, I tried so hard to convice myself and actually realise that I didnt need her and I didnt want to need her. But in reality I have, deep down, never successfully moved on from this because in my heart somewhere I want her so badly. Yes I know it is wrong but I cant help it, my head knows that it shouldnt be this way - I cannot help it. I have tried to move on 100% but I cant, some people may see this as giving up on something that I have dreamed of for so long, 7 months of trying to move on, but I just dont know what to do.I'm not returning back to that school in September, I was going to let time heal this addiction that I have on her. When I am 18 should I pursue this further, Please help me, I'm totally stuck!
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move on, my ex, my teacher Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (25 May 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthankyou to the 2nd newest posts.. you have understood much better about this situation because it was not a stupid crush.. no one will ever be able to understand how i felt.
i have tried many a time to move on and no; im not the only one.
so i dont know i totally want to move on definately but because she caused me soooo much hurt its extremely hard to do so; but i do not give in; i am moving in september so maybe a new start? its because i have never really got any sort of closure on this because i never know how to act and the thought of 'having' her seems to good to be true. im 16 she's 35 btw
thankyou so much for your words x
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 May 2009): Please don't persue this any further and perhaps consider asking your GP about the prospect of getting some counselling to help you move on or (providing they know the situation and are supportive) ask your parents/guardian to pay to see someone privately.
I don't know the full details of the relationship but the improper conduct charge and ban on speaking to you suggests that this was not merely a 'silly crush' on your part. I also don't know how big the age gap is between you two but even if it's not that wide in terms of years your teacher was well aware of the damage this sort of relationship could cause you and of the legal and professional repercussions of doing so. It sounds as though you've tried your very best to move on but she has made this very difficult for you to do so by starting to speak to you again.
Can you be sure that you are the only student who this teacher has had inappropriate relationships with and that you are not the latest in a line of conquests? I think that even when you are classed as an adult in the legal sense, acting on your desires to persue a relationship is a bad idea because there will always be an inbalance of power because she once had a position of authority over you; therapists are not supposed to date ex-clients for the same reason. The fact that she has not taken any responsibility for her actions and blames you entirely suggets that she is already making full use of this inbalance.
Finally, because of your age, you probably haven't yet had the opportunity to meet many other bi/gay women and this lack of experience may be making your ex-teacher appear to be right for you when you haven't yet had the chance to compare it to anything.
I'm sorry my answer is so long but I thought your situation is serious enough to deserve a thoughtful reply. Well done for sticking with the GCSE's too; it must be hard to focus with all this going on. Good luck.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (25 May 2009): To be honest i think the other two have been really quick to judge you and havent looked into this more. It seems to me like you've been used by this woman. I think shes a predator! I dont think you should pursue it no, she will still lose her career and it will destroy both your lives. You managed without her before, you can do it again! Just move on and get someone your own age!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (25 May 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionarmy medic..
it is not a crush, it never was a crush i know the difference, im not stupid, what is the big deal i dont go to that school no more - she's the one that started it not me; she fucked up her own life and yeah you dont even know how much everything hurt me so dont take the piss because its not funny i came on here asking for advice and what sort of 'helpful advice' is that?!
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A
male
reader, ArmyMedic +, writes (25 May 2009):
 You've already almost fucked up her career, why are you so dead set on spoiling her whole life because you have a silly crush!
Leave her alone, only time away from her will heal your "broken heart"
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reader, anonymous, writes (25 May 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionshes nt my teacher anymore.
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A
female
reader, kellyxxx +, writes (25 May 2009):
 Don't pursue it! Leave her alone! Its wrong!! Get on with your life, stop this patheticness, she is a TEACHER!
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