A
male
age
41-50,
*aughingone
writes:For most of my adult life I've weighed well over 300lbs, because of this I didn't date, flirt with guys or get hit on, this was simply a fact of my reality. over the past year I've dropped down to 200lbs and after swapping out my baggier wardrobe for more appropriately fitting clothes my friends are telling my it's time I actually got "game" and started dating.My question is how do I get "game" or learn how to flirt? where do I go to meet guys especially since gay clubs/bars still scare the hell out of me?
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reader, anonymous, writes (28 June 2012): Why would gay bars scare the hell out of you? They're just bars OP, nothing special except guess what they just happen to be a good place to check out to local scene.
I bet Dear Mandy's gay friends have been on the scene a while and know their way around, so they've already done the gay bar thing and have already built up the skills and confidence to spot and approach guys in "normal" bars.
You're best off learning by being around gay people for a while interacting with them and seeing how things work.
Again, please explain why gay bars scare you because I've been loads, loads of times and they're great craic and you don't even have to do anything OP you'll just be hit on if you're confident and happy. That's one of the joys of being gay. I mean I get hit on more in gay bars by other guys than I have ever been hit on by women. I think that's awesome but kind of feel a bit guilty when I turn them down, except the ones who view me as challenge and/or don't believe that a straight guy would go for a quiet drink in a gay bar.
Tell you what, just go in to a gay bar at a quiet time during the day. Perhaps to watch a sporting event in there or something, bring a friend or two for company and just treat it like a regular bar.
How do you flirt? Simple as hell, you smile broadly when someone is talking to you and you look into their eyes when they speak, that's it. These are other guys OP, it's not like they're going to misread your signals and most of the time they'll be the ones flirting with you, I mean you can see a mile away in social situations when a guy is looking at a girl he likes can't you? Well that's how easy it is, you're a guy, you know what a guy likes who's interested in another guy, you have that same look when you are. Happy, confident, being open to meeting new people, the rest comes with practice.
Just take the usual precautions, there are predators, users and assholes in lgbt community too just always stick to people who meet your criteria and take things slowly if you want to get to know someone for more than just a quick lay.
Other ways include registering on lgbt forums, chatting with other gay men online to get practice. Who better to ask these questions to than anonymous gay people online?
One final thing, get rid of your fear. You know what it's like to be unhappy with your body, you know how it feels to have a crippling fear of intimacy because of that, well you've changed your body to rid yourself of that fear now it's time to take the plunge and pass the mental wall of fear that still exists, the only way forward for you is to go for it now, get out there and have some fun. You'll be rejected sometimes, you'll meet assholes but it's worth it and you'll start to experience all the things you've wanted to. There's nothing to be afraid of but having to spend another ten years scared to take risks.
A
female
reader, Dear Mandy  +, writes (28 June 2012):
 You will be surpriesd by the amount of gay guys go to regular places, I have many gay friends and they hate gay bars, they get to meet plenty of guys in what most would call "normal" bars. Try not to over compensate, just be yourself and you will be fine. well done for the weight loss x
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