A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I am really struggling with what to do. I have been in a relationship now for 8 1/2 years. We love each other however we are both unhappy. We have always had a volatile relationship however sometimes it ends up going too far. This isn't really the main reason I'm not sure we should be together any more. I have financially supported him for the whole relationship. He went to Uni for 3 years and worked part time then however hasn't worked any other time. I know at the moment it is hard to get a job but it just seems very convenient. I feel like I'm being used, I come home from a day's work and feel like I'm expected to make the dinner. I know it seems petty but it makes me feel like I am undervalued. He now wants to have a baby so he can stay at home and look after it and I go to work. We have been trying but it has been a half hearted attempt on my part and i keep putting it off. I would love a baby but I'm not sure if I want the added pressure of providing for it without any support. I have very little contact with family and don't have any close friends to confide in. I am finding it hard to cope on my own without a release of my emotions.I did recently go out with a colleague for the first time, my first time drunk in 5 years. He didn't like me going out at all. He doesn't trust me, it feels like he wants me to only have him.He suffers from depression which doesn't help and I think agrophobia. His family expect me to look after him too. This seems like a big outpouring. I get so frustrated and sometimes work late so I spend less time at home. The thing is I do love him so much. Any advice would be greatly appreciated.
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male
reader, ArmyMedic +, writes (12 April 2009):
 It sounds like your relationship is stagnant and very one sided.
It's all very nice him wanting to stay at home and be a Dad, but come on, he won't even cook you dinner when you have been out at work to support him... No that is not on! A relationship is a two way partnership with compromises, and to me it sounds like you are still only with him because that's what you know and you wouldn't want to let his family down.
I think you need to sit him down and tell him exactly what is bothering you, and tell him no kids till you feel ready, and that includes being financially secure.
I personally would leave him, he is brining you down and I think that by sending him back to his Mothers house (I'm guessing the place he is living in is your place not his) will give him a kick up the backside enough to get his life back on track, and when he has done that then maybe you can consider getting back with him. (although I think with some freedom you may not want to)
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