A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:For the past few weeks my fiance's refused to have sex with me. No matter what I tried he wouldn't have sex with me. Even dressing up in sexy lingerie didn't work - he still wouldn't have sex. I asked him if he was stressed, but he said nothing was stressing him out.I asked him why, and he embarrassingly admitted he feared he had erectile dysfunction syndrome.He's not obese and doesn't take drugs, so he shouldn't worry about it.We then went to the doctor's the week after, and they ran tests on him, and our GP told him that he did not have erectile dysfunction syndrome. However, my fiance keeps on insisting that he has it, even though our GP has said it. He now wants a second, and even a third opinion.I miss our closeness we used to have... he's a great guy, don't get me wrong, it's just he's lacking any capacity to express his love in a physical way.all help is appreciatedDanielle
View related questions:
drugs, fiance Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 November 2008): Well I was in a very similar situation with my fiance who I was with for 7 YEARS. After the first 2 years the sex dwindled to once a month and then it became ridiculous, like once every 4 MONTHS. Like you, I tried everything as you did: sexy lingerie etc etc. I even gave him the opportunity to "come out", I really thought he might be gay. I have spoken to many people about this, including my dad to get a "man's opinion" but after a legnthy discussion he concluded my fiance might actually be gay. My fiance really didnt like talking about the subject. I tried to make him jealous, tried to flirt with other men, wanted him to prove his "manliness" to me but no. Sadly I ended up splitting up from him because I started looking elsewhere. I still talk to him as a friend and I am still gutted as he was "the one" in my eyes. Whatever you decide to do, dont deny yourself pleasure for too long because that wouldnt be fair ON EITHER OF YOU. I wish you the very best. V xx
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 November 2008): I should add also that we have a 3-year-old son as well.Danielle
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 November 2008): I know he isn't bisexual or gay, as he feels disgusted by man-on-man scenes if they're on telly (but he says what gay people do is their own business).However, he still insists he has erectile dysfunction, despite the medical evidence.What do I do now?Danielle
...............................
A
female
reader, Tisha-1  +, writes (25 November 2008):
 Something's off here. He actually sounds like he WANTS to have erectile dysfunction. Why would't he want to try to have sex now that the secret worry is out? Maybe a male uncle could give us the male point of view.
Anyway, back to what to do. It sounds like you're doing everything you can be doing, the only thing I can think of is that you're being too aggressive regarding sex. Has there been anything else going on in his life? Has he had previous relationships? Is there any chance that he might actually be bisexual or gay and is closeted? Any possibility that he was abused as a child? There may be something else going on that he's trying to avoid.
I'd give him some breathing room about this, go get those second and third opinions and see how things go. You may need to practice a great deal of patience here. After a few months, if he hasn't tried to initiate and has been given the all-clear, then you might need to change the relationship to merely friendship, and go out and find a real full partner in every sense of the word.
...............................
A
female
reader, Emilysanswers +, writes (25 November 2008):
Well you just have to keep pushing.
Get him to another doctor and get that second opinion.
Find out what the doctor said exactly... why is it nor ED? Why is that not a possibility?
Find out what it is and why your fiancé is so convinced it's a physical thing.
Even if he can't have sex you should still get him to do foreplay. He can do oral and finger you and have all the cuddles afterwards.
If he knows he is keeping you satisfied then he might chill out and find his "ED" disappears.
Good Luck!! xx
...............................
|
