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female
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anonymous
writes: I have been devoted to the same person for 15 years. We love each other as best friends, yet there is not much passion and romance between us, ever. He just isn't interested in that sort of thing - romance, sex, etc, never has been. I've been with him since I was 16 and he was 21. He refuses to marry me, and I refuse to live with him, but we still love each other so see each other many times a week. I have never dated anyone who was not at least 2 years older than me.I am now 31, and have met a friend at work, who at most is 25. We have the greatest intellectual conversations, and I wondered what I was feeling, when it hit me. I have a crush on someone for the first time since I was 13. Crush, obsession, whatever. I can't believe how stupid I am. Once I realized this, I also realized that I am in love with this person not because he's attractive, but because it's so hard to find people who understand you so well, and share an almost telepathic bond.I used to be pretty when I was a teenager, but had a low self esteem, so only now in retrospect by everyone telling me I was beautiful did I realize I was attractive. Now I am 50 pounds heavier and not even remotely attractive anymore, not that that should matter. How embarrassing! I not only feel like I'm robbing the cradle just by looking at him, but also think that he looks up to me like maybe an older sister, and has absolutely no romantic interest in me...the thought would probably horrify him. What's worse is that he knows my significant other and likes him as well, so probably thinks of me as a devoted old semi married person. For the first time in 15 years, I think that if this person was to ask, I would give up my significant other, which I've never dreamt that I would ever say. How do you resolve a crush like this?
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reader, anonymous, writes (2 October 2005): easy try and keep away from him i know it may be hard but by you seeing him its going to involve more&more into a crush! if you cant see your self keeping away from him then see him but spend less time talking to him! talk to him max of 5minutes,. spend more time with your partner if sex is not his thing and your the sex kind of girl then have you ever thought of forget the pair of them and get sum1 who is just like you! in the end your love that person you find even more. if the person was to ask thyen ok you will but he hasnt asked yet as he? why not try dropping hints i dont know maybe flirt just a tiny bit, if he flirts back well your in there chuck, if he doesnt you know his not intrested. sum times a crush on sum 1 just goes, the many crushes ive had on people and then give it few months you get over the crush, and look back and think why in hell did i have a crush on him. pls dont risk loseing any thing before knowing the truth of how he feels for you! unless your really sure you dont have anything to lose.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 October 2005): yes its hard and no it's not easy but if you want it to turn into a loving relationship so much then you gotta talk to him make him listen to you and if he laughs then fine but atleast he knows and if you dont want to do that try doing it through friends that someitmes a good way of doing it or writing a letter but this is the one thing you need to do tell him im in the same situation and i know that if i dont tell him then nothing will happen
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