A
male
age
30-35,
*onFire09
writes:So six years ago, I met this amazing girl through another friend. Ever since, we hve been fclose friends. At the beginning of this year, she broke up with her now ex and I confessed I liked her since we met. Though we are going to schools far apart, she decided to give me a chance. We have dated for only four months now, but I'm feeling weird about it all already. (I can't visit till this college year is over)The first thing is I feel like I try more in this relationship than her.. I'm always the one to start a conversation and suggest things we could do. If I don't message her, we most likely won't talk. There have been occasions where she messages me first. Another thing that is weird to me is that she doesn't seem try give an effort in anything. Like on our first second and third month anniversary (yeah not long) I was the one that really reminded her by saying happy month first. She also forgot my birthday. I never expected anything or any gift, but it still makes me sad to know she doesn't know, even though I put countless hours to plan hers. Another thing, we made promises to each other. Like refrain from hanging out with people who do bad things like drugs or crimes or people who flirt with us. She still hangs out with people who flirt with her even though she gets mad when people around me flirt with me. I've given up a lot of friendships as a way to show I'm dedicated because they were a bad influence on me.Is it me, or am I wrong? I feel like she only dates me because she feels bad for me but doesn't genuinely like me even though she says she does. Her sister says she is just shy and she really does care a lot about me. I don't know what to believe.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 September 2015): Human beings are meant to be together, if they wish to have a romantic relationship. Trust and feelings must be fed by sharing time and intimate moments together in-person. We may be separated by circumstances; but it is difficult to exchange feelings when they have to travel over distance. We feel differently toward people we're with, than with people we have to "correspond" or communicate over distance.
Starting out with getting to know someone you've dated on a regular basis gives them a change to get attached or to bond with you in a very personal way. You have the benefit of contact and touch to establish feelings and make a romantic connection. This nurtures a relationship. It's the best way to start one. Sometimes opportunities or incidents happen that will separate you in the middle, but you've already made the connection. That established bond may hold even over distance.
That being said, long-distance relationships work easier for people who have already established a strong bond together; as opposed to those who initiate their connection through distance. She is not emotionally connected and perhaps is being nice for the sake of your feelings for her. When you feel someone is not as into you as you are into them, you have to consider whether you're wasting your time and feelings.
It is time you ask her how she really feels about you and if she is comfortable with the the long-distance arrangement.
She broke-up with someone and her feelings may still be connected to her ex; or she is still undergoing the process of detachment. You may be nice to talk to when she's feeling lonely; but you can sense something just isn't right. You need to talk to her before you invest more time and feelings that may just be losing potency over the distance. She just may have lost interest, or it may be wavering because she isn't ready for a new relationship of any kind just yet.
Sometimes people withhold how they really feel not to hurt your feelings. She knows how much you like her, but if you realize she's not responding or reciprocating; time to consider if you should move on and find someone else.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 September 2015): This relationship started as a long distance, therrfore, you won't really know how it feels until you two are in person.
Because you both agreed to be in a relationship, some things will change in the way you converse.. but in reality it will still feel like friendship until you meet, until you hold her hand, until you hug her, until you kiss her...
I'd say give it time and after you both have been together in person, she will start initiating things and remember special dates. It just takes time.
Would it be possible to see her during the upcoming holidays?
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