A
female
age
,
anonymous
writes:I am totally in love with my husbands best friend. This has been going on for the past 35 years. He was in our wedding, but I even loved him several years before that. We have been intimate on many many occasions. He says he feels the same way I do. We may go for a few years without physical contact (we always keep in touch weekly through email)but then bam we hook up again. My husband wants to move back to his home town (250 miles away) when he retires in a few months, which is where this friend lives. If we do, I know I will be with him more often. This has been going on so long that it feels so natural now. After this many years, I ask myself if this is my destiny? I do know it's love and not lust. We both have even talked about this. I have lost so much sleep not to mention weight over this matter that I am starting to get scared. If he would actually say leave your husband, I think I would. But so for this has been said only in a joking manner or when he has had a few drinks and tells me how madly in love he is with me and how he would marry me tomorrow if he could. I know this sounds like such a soap opera, but this has been my life for so long. There is a lot of guilt, but understand, my marriage has not been all that great. My husband drinks excessivly (everynight in the basement bar - 8 to 10 drinks a night for the past 15+ years) My husband is obese, where as his friend is very fit. My husband has no interest in anything I enjoy - staying fit, reading, out doors activities, we don't even like the same music and our political views are complete opposit. Why I stay I really don't know. We have 2 wonderful children and a beautiful grandchild. That is all we have in common. I moved 250 miles away from my family and friends for his job. Now he wants to move back. I don't know what to do.
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female
reader, Dalvarez +, writes (14 October 2009):
 I am 27 years old and I say you only live once... if you love him and he loves you then go for it. But there are questions you have to ask yourself to determine the answer. Be happy for the rest of your time here on this earth. It sounds like your husband isn't happy as well. The both of you need to sit and talk about the situation. If you both decied to move on, take care of yourself for a while (stay single) for at least a year. Take some time off women you have been married so long. Take time for yourself get to know you and what you want... I wish you the best! Oh and what ever you do, do not move into the same town as your husband...
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 January 2008): i didnt really read the others responses but i dont think they mentioned the fact that you weren't being a good wife. although you dont have anything in common, you didnt tell him. you shouldve told him your feelings before you married him. you cheated, you email him every week, and for 35 years you haven't told him!!! you have to tell your husband you have children together!you atleast owe him your honesty.but go if thats where your heart is discuss it with his friend and then your husband. because i doubt for 35 years he's been single. and find out would he reallyyy marry you. because although he may love you, you lied and cheated for 35 years, would he reallyyy want that in a wife, are you sure he wouldn't still be friends with your husband??if yall did get married wouldn't that be ackward??how would your children and grandchild feel about this??if yall did get together you and your husband would still have to keep in touch right??i dont know you have things to think about,count up pros and cons with each lol
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female
reader, Cateyes +, writes (17 January 2008):
 I have to agree with everyone here who posted, however, what I wonder then is why you even married him? Why didn't you marry the other guy since you had seemed to know him prior to your marriage? Something was there with your husband I am sure that caused the spark for you to marry him...you've just been involved with the friend for so long, and more then likely, your husband is aware of it. If not the friend, someone. My thoughts, you have 2 choices. One being, you literally drop the friend and do your best in trying to get what has been lost with your husband, get some sort of counciling and let him know how you feel about his drinking. I know that plays a big part being I was married to an alcoholic once in my life. He can either try to change or not. Your answer will come quickly. Second, you can divorce your husband, however, I will agree also that do not think the grass is always greener on the other side of the fence. You do not know for sure YOU are the only one he loves, or claims to love you. You could be nothing more then sex. If you should divorce, do not expect that "now" you will be with your friend....you really have to do it because you want to be happy and your friend may not be the one. If he isn't, you should be okay with that because the divorce cannot be just about to be with the other guy, because anything can change....and you have to be ready for that. That this divorce will just be about your happiness and your new future whatever that may be for you. Some people can change, some people don't change and some people lie. This has to be all about you and not your friend. This way, IF it doesn't work, you will be okay with you still getting the divorce and moving forward.
Good Luck.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 January 2008): I think once the move is done, you should really consider leaving your husband and being with the man you love. Why live a lie until the day you die? But first, you'll need to figure out if his best friend is for real. Having a relationship via e-mail, with the occassional contact is not the same as being in the same town, where the reality of a real future will exist. I'd hate to think you might divorce your spouse, only to discover his best friend has a string of women in his life who keep him young and fit while you are 250 miles away, thinking you are the only one he has sex with, and corresponds. So once you've made this move, ask the man you've been seeing, how he would feel if you divorced your husband and spent the rest of your life with him. You'll be able to judge how he really feels by his reaction and what comes after that, days, weeks etc. And if it still looks like the two of you really should be together, and his feelings for you haven't cooled down at the prospect of a real future together, then you probably should take that step. Because once you reside in the same town, it's only a matter of time before your husband finds out anyhow. So do it up right. Get the divorce and salvage what's left of your life with someone you truly want to be with.
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reader, anonymous, writes (16 January 2008): I did the same thing.Let me tell you when you leave your husband and live with your affair friend you'll find they have faults also.I was decived and let down.i did everything possible to make it work.Caught him looking at porn and on adult sites trying to meet younger women.My husband who was a drunk was a much better person.At least he treated me with respect.I dumped the obese man who bragged he had money and didn't have shit.I wend up working things out and glad I did.Think twice.It's alot different living with them.Within 3 months living with this obese man i knew I made a terriable mistake.Good luck.
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A
female
reader, rockelle +, writes (16 January 2008):
 I am going to be completely honest with you, You aren't doing anyone any favors by staying with your husband. You are unhappy, and it sounds like your husband isn't very happy either. 35 years is a long time to carry on an affair. This affair is probaby the reason that your marriage is in the state that it is in. Maybe you have not been making enough of an effort to fix the problems in your marriage because you were preoccupied with your husbands best friend. I am not being judgemental or mean please do not take my comment the wrong way. I believe that everyone deserves to be happy you, your husband, his friend too. What you did was wrong and I think you need to seriously consider if you want to continue this lie. The solution is simple end your marriage, end the affair, or both.
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