A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hi! This post is a follow up to my previous post "What can I say in an email to let him know I'm interested, without being too pushy?". Whoever doesn't want to read whole thing, can just skip to the last paragraph, where I post a general question.Your advice for my other post was great but I cowardly didn't have the guts to send another email saying I'm planning on going back to his country for some sightseeing. However, I did send another email, but it had some more information that complemented the 1st one (work-related). And I also said I understood if he was busy and didn't have time to think about my (work-related) questions. I got a reply 1 hour after the 2nd email. He explained he had to go away on business and he needs some time to catch up on some of his own work, but that he'll give me some feedback on what I asked once he had time to think about it. I don't want to insist with any more emails, so right now, I'm waiting.I thought that with time I'd forget him.But I can't stop thinking about him. His eyes, his smile, and this may seem a little odd, but his IQ as well :P He's borderline genious, which makes him (in my personal opinion) not only intelectually stimulating but also really really sexy. Also, I have never met anyone with so many personality quirks that fit so well with my own quirks. I want to get to know him better, and I want him to get to know me (I know a lot more about him than he knows about me). I got the chance to know some of his flaws, but even those, don't bother me at all, I even find some of his flaws quite cute.Never in my life I thought I'd consider doing something this crazy. I thought about going back to his country and try to "accidentally" bump into him. I don't mean stalking him, I mean finding a way to just casually meet him such that I have at least one more chance to talk to him in person. Just to know him a little bit more. To see if my strange feelings are just some fantasy in my head and move on, or if he really is "the one". I never believed in "the one". I was deeply in love before, in long term relationships, but none of them made me feel so sure about the person I was with, as I feel about this guy I barely know (am I going insane?).So instead of just asking for advice (because I believe I'm too coward to act on this even if your advice is "do something"), I have a question for you: Imagine you met someone briefly, in a different country. There's no sex, and not even a kiss. Just talking. And subtles clues that this other person may have felt something about you. This person, even if talking to other people, in a distant corner of the same room, couldn't take his/her eyes off you, and smiled whenever you'd catch him/her looking. Your whole body, mind and soul respond to that person, but this was so scary, you couldn't send back any clues about your own feelings. Around this person you felt complete, euphoric and a wave of good, sweet, spicy, colorful emotions just swept you of your feet in a way you've never even dreamed. Would you catch the first plane to find out if this person may be "the one"?
View related questions:
move on, stalking Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 June 2009): Oldersister: This is funny. From your reply, I understand that by the way I described him, he sounds like a really goodlooking, confident, playboy, high.selfesteem guy. He's not. I guess I was describing how I see him, through my "love goggles" (I know I know, it's not love).
Physically, he's no magazine centerfold and girls don't really chase him. A girl on the lookout for a physical attraction-one-night-stand kind of thing, would not go for him, trust me on this. And he's no smooth talker either. On the first time we talked he was nervous and couldn't finish his sentences, and at that time we were just talking about his work, a subject he's very confortable with. Which also brings me to your point: it would scare the hell out of him if I'd fly there :P I won't do anything crazy, I promise! Thanks!
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 June 2009): Thanks, I needed that reality check. I never got involved wih anyone without first developing a friendship so this type of attraction was a first time for me, which makes it easy to fool myself and associate it with some romantical feeling. That link makes a lot of sense, I guess I just have never met anyone who would fit my "love map" until this guy came along.
He's not already taken, that I know. His last relationship was about 3 years ago. But this is not really that important. I should be more rational, so thank you both for "raining in my parade" because I needed that. It doesn't matter what he may or may not feel or the fact that he's not taken. The point is that I don't know him enough to have fallen in love with him. This is something else. It's not lust because I don't want to immediately jump into bed with him, but it's also not love. Maybe curiosity for the unkown. I'll continue my normal life, and avoid obsessive thoughts. I cannot promise I won't jump up and down with joy if I hear from him again, but I'll keep in mind what you've wrote, because rationally I think you're both right. Many thanks :)
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (25 June 2009): http://howtotellifaguyisajerk.blogspot.com/2007/11/is-there-love-at-first-sight.html
Paste this link into your browser, it is a short article that explains what is going on here.
Take care.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (24 June 2009): I hate to rain on your parade, but what you are is in lust. And it almost seems that you have "transferred" feelings for someone else on to him, even a parent.
Many times when you feel this strong of an attraction there is a reason for it, like the guy could have a glib superficial charm, be very manipulative even sociopathic.
And there is some wound or some vulnerability in you that is responding to that at visceral level.
I don't believe in finding "the One" in a first meeting where you just know. It sounds romantic like a movie, but life is not a movie.
That being said, many people do meet the person that is right for you with a very strong attraction and it just happens to work out after they learn more about each other.
So it could actually go either way, it is too early to tell, too early to judge.
So, if you want to see him in his country, tell him that you will be there to do some sight seeing and you would really appreciate it if he could be your tourguide for one day and see what his response is.
If you don't know him, how do you know he isn't already taken?
...............................
|
