A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I have a dilema... I have been with my fiance now for 5 years and counting. We are currently in a custody battle with his ex over his son and i have tried so hard and worked so hard through all of it for him and with him. I am just not sure that he will actually marry me now that he has what he wants. A house, relationship without the extra strings (marriage) and someone to do the other stuff that most men cant do on their own. I dont know if i should push him to make a choice or if i should let it go, but i dont see how after 5 years you wouldnt just do it and get it over with considering you proposed over 4 years ago. Help me or at least give me some insight PLEASE!! and another thing, him and his ex were married but only for 2 months then he filed for divorce, i know that this is something that may make him nervous but weve been together for so long i wouldnt think that it would affect his decision now. Thanks!
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female
reader, noonespecial2  +, writes (3 August 2009):
Hi there,It sounds to me like you may have a little low self esteem at the moment. I get the impression from what you have written that he may have proposed to you 4 years ago, (not sure if you were the one that proposed)it's hard to determine why you would be doubting that he's deeply committed to you if this is the case expecially as you say that his previous marriage only lasted 2 months. I would feel quite confident that he would not be too impulsive after his last experience. I would say that now he has what he wants, he'd be in a better stage of his life to want marriage again.I also don't think it's a matter of pushing him to make a choice yet rather having a discussion so you can express to him what you are needing from the relationship. It goes two ways as there are two people in this relationship. After this discussion I'm sure you'll be clearer on his intentions and if he has no desire to marry you can look at your options then.I get the impression you are feeling rejected in some way by his lack of proposal, or are anticipating rejection from him. It might be worth working out why you feel this way, is it something he has done or a sense you get or is it coming from you? If he proposed 4 years ago, did you reject this proposal? It may just not be on his mind at present and he's enjoying his relationship with you rather than it being some type of lack of committment to you. I'd suggest you have a chat and ask him his thoughts and clearly tell him how you want to marry and feel you are ready. (Nothing to be ashamed of).You might be delighted with his response. Good luck.
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