A
female
age
30-35,
*oxogirl
writes:So me and my bf have been dating for 5 years. I'm not the jealous type, I let him stare at other girls.Sometimes we even check them out together, because I mean come on, guys are going to look at other girls regardless; but for some reason I got hurt and feel weird.I haven't really been wanting to see him since the night we went to the strip club. Let me start off by how he was acting as soon as we get there. He is super excited and I get naked girls everywhere (im his first and only girl he has been with it ) but what made me feel so uncomfortable was when he rushed to the stage and starting just starring the girls down with sparkles in his eyes. Then he started throwing money at her and slapping her butt and putting dollars in her g string and boobs.So of course the stripper is going to give him attention, because he keeps pouring money on her so she starts shaking her ass in his face and boobs.I'm like 4 feet behind with my friend in shock that he is acting like this (im really good at hiding my expressions so noone knows I feel uncomfortable but my friend realizea something is going on bc I was quiet the whole night. I'm usually pretty loud and outgoing. After he leaves the stage he starts telling me that he is looking for the perfect girl for the lap dance on him (we never talked about him gettin a lap dance or even asked if I woild be okay with it) So he finds the perfect girl with an amazing body and the stripper is dancing on another guy letting him touch her boobs, butt and everything else so he got way more excited and was like yea that's the girl I want.Thank god the girl never stopped dancing on him and then It was time to close so he left without a lap dance, but he never stopped staring at her.We sat down because he was waiting for her to stop dancing on the other guy so he could ask for a dance.I know what Yall are going to say i should have said something but I was literally in shock I didn't know how to react once again im not the jealous type i wasn't mad im just hurt that he acted like that, In front of me I would thought he would have a little respect for me and tried to control himself in fact if he didnt act like that I would have probably let him get a lap dance if he asked I was Just expecting a totally different reaction from him like the other guys we went with weren't acting like that at all Please anyone say something advice anything or tell me how you would have reacted would you have been mad or sad?
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boobs, jealous, lapdance, money, my ex, spark, stripper Reply to this Question
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female
reader, WhenCowsAttack +, writes (3 June 2016):
I'm surprised nobody has mentioned him touching this girl. Where on earth do you live in the USA that this is allowed? In my state no no no way are you allowed to touch the dancers. Even in a lap dance, they can grind all over you but you'd better keep your hands to yourself or you'll get thrown out and have the cops called on you.
My point is that it was very disrespectful to the dancer also. He didn't even treat her like a human being.
Yes I'd be livid. And he should be embarrassed that he acted like a 10 year old who'd never seen boobs before.
A
female
reader, Xoxogirl +, writes (3 June 2016):
Xoxogirl is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you so much you for the advice and yes I was so embarrassed I Honstly Think other people where starting at me like poor girl her bf acting like he never seen a naked girl thank you and yes I will talk to him soon I just wanted to get some outside advice -honeypie
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (3 June 2016):
 Awww, OP I can see why you are having such a WTF moment. Honestly, I would have been so embarrassed if my partner acted like that at a strip-club. Now I'm sure anyone could make a ton of excuses as to this...
- maybe he thought that is HOW you "act" at a place like that (someone been watching too much porn).
- he wanted to "show off" for the friends.
- he wanted to take advantage of FINALLY being in one of these establishments and have free "range" to do whatever because YOU didn't tell him. OK stop acting like a fool it's just organic milk bags aka boobies!
- maybe he just IS a little immature?
But I think the SMART thing to do is to talk to him. Set some boundaries for the relationship.
Having grown up in a country where naked and topless beaches/parks is the norm I really can't understand the American fascination with boobies - you would think most American men don't know what they look like, yet boobs are EVERYWHERE over here. Women are so oversexed and objectified in everything from commercials to movies. Yet as a nation Americans freak out over a nipple!
I saw a thing about checking for breast cancer - the "infomercial" was really smart, because it USED a man with man-boobs because otherwise they would have had to blur the breasts out... And I kind of laughed at the absurdity in that.
So maybe.. you BF acted like an idiot because of his upbringing. Who knows?
I'd STILL talk to him and set some limits.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 June 2016): Hmmmm.Not sure if I would want to throw a whole relationship away because of one night of a boyfriend behaving like a total dick.Men can be such air heads when it comes to being around naked women. They somehow lose their minds. So, take this into consideration. It likely is no reflection on you or how he feels about you even though he had no tact or concern for your feelings at the time.He is young too. Young guys can be stupid. Plain and simple. Chalk it up to immaturity and stupidity. And to the fact he probably does not get to see any naked women LIVE besides you. So, maybe he just got a little over excited. Carried away. And he was not thinking. Like a kid in a candy shop. That is all. I doubt he would have gone further. He was just taken away by the situation. Yeah, he's a guy alright. And he's human.If you can move past this, I would suggest watching his actions from now on. See if he continues to behave this way. I mean, being disrespectful to you and your feelings, perhaps starting a habit of going to strip clubs or eyeing other women in everyday life or flirting etc.This is where things count. I would not be judging him based on one night at a strip club. It isn't real. So, keep an eye on real threats. Flirting, eyeing other women, chatting them up etc. If he has never done this and never does do this, then I would try to forgive him and work past it.But I would also have a talk with him about how he made you feel. How much he hurt you by his behaviour. And lay down the law. Tell him if he does this again, you are not going to stick around. Because you are worth far more than that. And you can do better than him.Maybe he will then screw his head on right. I mean the one up top. As the other one is always going to have a mind of its own (unfortunately) as that's what always gets them into trouble!!Good luck.
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A
female
reader, Xoxogirl +, writes (2 June 2016):
Xoxogirl is verified as being by the original poster of the questionIt was pretty much the people we were with idea to go we just went along with it no one wanted to go back to the hotel yet we weren't from around there and yea I get thats what you expect but have some respect and ask me if its okay and not act like an asshole in front of me just like sageoldguy1465 says
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A
female
reader, Xoxogirl +, writes (2 June 2016):
Xoxogirl is verified as being by the original poster of the questionIt was pretty much the people we were with idea to go we just went along with it no one wanted to go back to the hotel yet we weren't from around there
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (2 June 2016):
 You write: "...I didn't know how to react once again im not the jealous type..."
Weeellll you and he both went over the top on this foray.
YOU should realize that it's OK to be jealous IF YOUR b/f IS ACTING LIKKE A TOTAL A$$HOLE!!!!!! (as he was!)....
HE needed to realize that HE was acting like a total a$$hole, and that what he did is NOT something that a guy should do when his G/F acquiesces to go to a "strip club"...
NOW, the two of you need to sit down and decide just HOW stupid this whole evening was... AND (you both need) to conclude that this was a 1-off... and will NEVER happen again....
After that, the two of you can decide if you want to try to keep this "relationship" going...
Good luck....
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A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (2 June 2016):
 It doesn't really matter about how you should have acted any more because it has happened and it is in the past.
The best thing you can do now is talk to him. You have been with him five years so you should be able to have this conversation no bother with him. Tell him how it made you feel. Let him tell you why he behaved like this, and hopefully you get some closure on this.
Personally I can understand why you felt like this, you don't need to be the jealous type to be upset over this behavior. I would feel just like you if it happened to me.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 June 2016): Whose idea was it to go initially, yours or his? I can understand him wanting to get a lapdance if you didn't specifically say this was out of bounds before going because to be honest that's what is expected when you go to a strip club.
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