A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:Me and my boyfriend are going to have sex it is my first time but not his. He wants me to plan everything but idk what a comfortable position is. Can anyone please help me and tell me so i know. He also wants to know if he should finger me and eat me out and idk because no ones ever done that to me either and i havent fingered myself either. Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (31 December 2009): This says it all
"but he REALLY WANTS me to do it and i KINDA want to"
You and he are on totally different wavelengths on this topic. He cannot wait to get his rocks off - and he doesnt care how he does it. You are unsure and rightly so.
The fact that you are unsure and are asking questions means you have doubts. Well it doubt, WAIT.
You say you havnt touched yourself? He doesnt know if he should finger you first?
Have you given him a hand job? Have you ever seen his erect penis? Have you touched him down there? Has he touched your vagina, your boobs?
If the answer to these is NO, then this is where you start. Slowly with the basics, not jumping in at the deep end with full on sex. Believe me, having a guy just look at you naked, let alone going in for the kill is pretty scary the first few times. It will be all new, and you will need to get used to the feelings and emotions.
If he loves you as much as he says he does, then he will wait until you are mature enough to understand your own body.
I really do suggest, before you let him ANYWHERE near you, that you spend a good couple of months experimenting by yourself. In the peace and quiet of your own bedroom, on your own. Explore your body - use a hand mirror to actually see what you look like down there. Learn what all the bits of you are and what they are for.
Find out where your clitoris is, and what it feels like when you touch it. THIS is the key for women when it comes to sex - not penis in vagina. Clitoral stimulation is what will get you to sexual peaks. You need to learn what it feels like and what you like before you let a guy anywhere near it.
Have you tried to touch yourself? This is where sex should begin for you. Believe me, he is young, and if you plan something amazing and romantic, it WILL NOT live up to expectation. He will be finished before you even get started. You will be left unsatisfied and probably in pain, as well as being emotional and bewildered. It will make it a whole lot better if he gets you going first (once you know what you like after experimenting on your own) and then goes into full sex. Its not just a case of whipping of your clothes and jumping on for the ride. If you do that, it will hurt. You need to be turned on, lubricated and mentally ready. The brain is a big thing with sex. If you are in the least bit tense, anxious or scared, you will tense up your muscles, which again will make it hurt more. Guys generally (and apologies for generalising) can get an erection and go, regardless of the situation or the woman if they are horny enough. Women however take a lot more to get into the mood.
Sexual intercourse is not the beginning of sex! in fact it is only a small part of it. Learn about the other stuff first, touching, kissing and exploring your own body.
If he is as concerned about your feelings as you say, then he will wait for you to do this. He has his hand, he can quite easily cope on his own for a while until you become aquainted with your own body.
A
female
reader, x-kitycatlok-x  +, writes (31 December 2009):
 When the time is right for you two to have sex, then it should come naturally. It's not supposed to be planned and executed with times and positions. It's good to have an idea of what you want, but not to plan it. Spontaneity. If you two do come across the right moment, then Not My Name suggested the best position for the first time. You can control speed, depth and such. Just make sure he stays still.
Good luck. xx
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (31 December 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questioni really thank all of you for your help i appreciate it and it may soundlike hes forcing me to do this but he really wants me to do it and i kinda want to but idk what to do and i cant talk to my mom she tunes me out if i even speak a word about it
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A
female
reader, Not My Name  +, writes (30 December 2009):
 I'll spare the lecture coz others have already said what I would say about your age, experience, protection, etc, so if U are gunna do it anyway, I would suggest you go on top as that way you can control the depth, pace, etc, to suit your comfort level.
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reader, anonymous, writes (30 December 2009): Why don't you ask your mom what you should do rather than folks on a website? After all, you're mature enough to do this and you're going to be with this boy until the day you die, so why shouldn't you seek advice from your parents on how to properly lose your virginity when you don't even know what your vagina looks like?
Please get back to us and let us know what she thinks about this whole situation.
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reader, anonymous, writes (30 December 2009): This is another "I am mature and I will do what I want" situation I feel.
No matter what we tell you, I expect you will no doubt do what you want anyway.
if you are 13-15 then yes, you are far too young to be having sex. As for him telling you to make all the arrangements, that is just plain selfish on his part. Sex is not something you plan to the last detail.
If you have never touched each other before in other ways, why on earth are you planning on going straight in for full sex? You need to explore each others bodies first and get used to being touched before going all the way.
You are still very young, and in the UK sex under 16 is ILLEGAL - I dont know about the law in the US state you are in.
Learn what you like first. Explore your body ON YOUR OWN. Find out where you like to be touched, how you like to be touched. Do you even know what you look like down there? Have a look! Make friends with your vagina! How on earth do you expect a guy to know what you like and want, if you dont know yourself?
He is a hormonal teenager, and the fact he has already had sex, and expects you, a virgin with no experience of even touching herself to plan his sexy fun for him, well he sounds like a pretty selfish boyfriend to me. He only wants one thing, and when he gets it, he will dump you.
I know you think you love him, and I am sure you have very deep feelings for him, but you will not spend the rest of your life with him. Very few (and im talking less than 1%) of teenage relationships last beyond school. Boys your age only want one thing. They do not want relationships, they do not want love, they want SEX.
Please do not sleep with this guy. Proper, deep, loving sex should not be planned to a timetable, on a set day at a set time, in a set position. It should happen naturally when the time is right.
Do not force this.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (30 December 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionhe is actually my age and im in love with the boy and im going to spend the rest of my life with him i know i will and we are going to be protected and he is considering my feelings he will do whatever makes me comfortable hes a great guy and the best boyfriend in the world
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A
female
reader, PeanutButter +, writes (30 December 2009):
 First of all, if you are only 13, 14 or 15, you really shouldn't be planning to have sex - it is illegal and emotionally not recommended.
IF you are genuine, and this situation is real, then you really should NOT be having sex with this guy full stop.
Any BOY who is thinking of having sex with an underage girl is asking for trouble for a start BUT any boy or man for that matter who has had sex before, knows that you haven't had sex before and then makes YOU "arrange" and plan EVERYTHING, is certainly not mindful of you or your feelings, and most probably just wants to have some fun, which will not make for a great first experience anyway.
Sex should be entered into only when BOTH people are mature enough to realize that both people matter and that one person planning it all out is not romantic, nor enjoyable and not a "team effort".
I really think that rather than trying to figure out how you are going to have sex with this guy, you should be figuring out why you really shouldn't be having sex with him and really reconsider the situation.
I know that no matter what anyone tells you, no matter the law, people do what they want to do and so if you DO have sex with this boy, make sure you use protection, that is the ONLY planning you need to do unless you want to be planning the rest of your life around a child.
Please think about it.
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