A
female
age
36-40,
*a petite belle
writes:HI, I just came back to the site... I am really sad... My ex boyfriend and I have been broken up for about 2-3 months and I deactivated my facebook, blocked him from sending me e-mails to my hotmail and yahoo account and even changed my phone number (he used to play stupid mind games with me i.e he would break up with me and then contact me to ask me to take him back but I'd be the one hurt because I trusted him EVERY SINGLE TIME!!!, so after the last break up 2-3 months ago I did all of this)... but I am really sad. I won't contact him but I am just so sad... I wake up and I am always thinking about him, I used to spend weekends with him, so the weekends I spend thinking about him, I have lost interest in a lot of things, I really do think that the only thing that keeps me functioning is the gym and my dance classes but I have even lost interest in my major!!! I used to love going to my finance classes and now I am okay with doing the bare minimum!!! That's not who I used to be!!!... I am just so sad... I look for him in the street, I look for his car wherever I go... I am so sad.... I heard he was dating another girl, I don't know that I 100% trust the source but in the meanwhile it's a question to me, I saw some pictures that he had in a pool party with this girl... I can't decide if they are dating... she writes on his wall (a friend let me look at his profile through her page)... last time I blocked him was at the beginning of this month, he tried to befriend me on facebook and I sent him a message saying "I know you are ready to be friends but I am not" and I blocked him... I am so sad... I start crying randomnly... he was my first in so many aspects... I don't know what to do... I feel lost and sad... advice?
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female
reader, chickpea2011 +, writes (20 September 2011):
 Hi,So far you are doing all the right things. You took the first step, which is breaking off, accept the situation and moving on. It has been only 3 months, you have to be kind to yourself, and don't feel pressure to move on over night. It's unrealistic, and impossible. As you said, he was your first love, and first many other things. You had history, memories with this man. You have to give time for yourself to grieve. After all, not only he was your first love, he was a big part of your life. Now you have a new life, and it's hard to accept changes. I am glad that you are keeping yourself busy, with gym, dancing classes, etc. Keep doing what you are doing, with time things will get easier, and less important. Another thing you have to do, do not check facebbok anymore. Doesn't matter if he's dating this girl. I know somebody told you, but doesn't matter. It won't chance anything... Spend your time with family, friends, go out, get a make over, new haircut, do your nails, do all the things you always wanted, but couldnt because you didn't have time. Do things to make you feel happy. Eat well, get plenty of rest. You need to be strong to overcome this. Also, how you are feeling right now it's perfectly normal, lossing interest, having no motivation, etc. That's why I said you need to push yourself, and be strong physically. I just ended a 10 year relationship a year ago. He was my first love, and first everything, so I know how you feel. It's has been a year now for me, and I promise you things will get better, and easier. But, it's up to you....Good luxk
A
female
reader, Moo's Mum  +, writes (20 September 2011):
 What you are going through is completely normal and many of us have been where you are. You will get through this and you will be fine and you will love again. Keep in mind it's important to mourn a relationship. It's a process you must go through in order to learn things about you and life in general. And trust me there will be lessons for you from this process and you may not figure them out until much later but they will be there. Keep focusing on your gym and dance classes because they will keep you going. try to make an effort to socialise with your friends as much as you can because this will also help.
You will be ok doll you just need to get through this.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 September 2011): I feel so much for you. Please don't lose hope.I've experienced a lot of what you're feeling. I still feel that way sometimes. Part of me just feels a lot from what you've said but I don't have any words. All the "break-ups are hard" and "things will get better" really do jack shit for you right now.It's sweet that you "look for him in the street" and think of him often. What I can tell you is this: if he was immature and did the whole on/off and mind game things, I get the notion that he's probably no good for you. A guy that is ultimately thoughtful and generous and respectful will not do this to you. I'm not to say that he was not a good person, but maybe that he needs experience and growing up.But your heartache resides in that memory with him. You will keep feeling sadness over this. All you can do is to keep up with things, the dance and etc. Explore different career options with your major... it's as easy as typing into the Google text box (cuz I know it's hard to motivate yourself when you don't care too much). Find something about finance that might direct your career and your life... get excited about it. Keep your time invested into these things for awhile. Don't deny your sadness, but don't let it consume you. Spend time growing instead of dying.I can also tell you this. I dated my first boyfriend from the time I was 16 until the time I was 20. He was the best friend I ever had, and I about let myself die when I broke up with him (but he was so jealous and controlling for a long time that I had to do it). He knows how to treat a girl. He is a wonderful person. I felt guilty that I had to end it. But it was unhealthy too. What I did was the right thing. I just didn't know how to deal with it... I let fun nights of college drinking end with me coming home to my apartment and cry hysterically, do the occasional drunk phone call, lie in the dark getting sucked into loneliness, not do my homework and skip class, sleep with a couple guys just to not feel alone again (I used to earn straight- A's and I was a very smart and happy person). I did a lot of stupid shit. I buried myself and it took me a long time to dig myself out.We don't talk too much anymore, but here and there we do. And it's nice. The weirdest part is that I really don't have any of those longing feelings for him anymore. Before, I had imagined I might spend my life with him. That's what made me realize you really do get over things. It's a little upsetting, but you have to realize that it's okay... it's okay that it can't work sometimes. I still care about him very much. I want the best for him. I worry whether or not he's going to get a job he's worked hard for in the past few years. I hope he finds a girl who treats him right and is good for him.And I am happy again. I found comfort and love and fun in my girlfriends. I found understanding and happiness with my best guy friend, and we've been dating for about 9 months now. I can't express how much I appreciate him... and sometimes I wonder "Have I really ever felt like this?" I thought I did before... but it seems even better somehow now. And I think that however everything works out for you, you'll find that too. I hope it happens different for you, better. I hope you don't lose sight of things, things that you value and things that make you happy. Good luck.
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