A
female
age
36-40,
*ands_down317
writes:My boyfriend and I have been friends for four years and dating for 1, and this is really starting to bug me. We'll get into these stupid ridiculous fights and he'll accuse me of really dumb things (ei. my friend that doesn't like him: he thinks that I'm telling her untrue things about him which i'm not, i defend him to the worlds end) so anyways... when he accuses me of this, by the end of the fight I feel like the one that should be appologizing but i KNOW that i shouldn't be because I did nothing wrong. Please don't tell me to break up with him because I don't think that's the answer to every problem. But I'm finding it hard to stand up for myself without making the arguement any bigger... Any suggestions? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, pebble  +, writes (21 May 2009):
 So he accuses you of ridiculous things that he probably knows aren't true, and eventually manipulates you to the point where you feel like you should be saying sorry, even though you know you've done nothing wrong?
Wow, he sounds like a keeper.
Emilyanswers has it right - he's keeping you in your place so that you will stay with him and he can carry on controlling you. Eventually, he'll have you thinking that you don't deserve him and that your extremely lucky he hasn't left you already. Maybe he'll even go as far as making you think no one else will want you so he is your only chance at marriage, kids, happiness etc.
Classic emotional abuse signs, we see it here all the time. You can either stand up for yourself, make clear you will not be manipulated and keep your head clear and your eyes open to what he's doing. OR you can go in the other direction - allowing him to control you until it comes to some kind of scary climax.
Good luck!!
A
female
reader, Emilysanswers +, writes (21 May 2009):
You just stay calm and keep saying that he's wrong.
If he blows up and screams at you like a psycho when you are calmly telling him that you have not done what he's accusing you of then yes you should break up with him.
It sounds like he uses these arguments to keep you in your place so you can't leave him.
Just stay calm and tell him he's being ridiculous. If he continues going on then walk away or hang up on him. Tell him you will not get in an argument about this and you will not be yelled at for something you did not do.
If you do walk off then he'll probably stop speaking to you for a bit to try and force you to come back and apologise so he gets his power kick. So don't. Stay strong.
Good Luck!! xx
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