A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I found out one month ago that my partner of 2 years has been cheating on me, by talking to girls online, on cam, swapping rude pics, flirting etc. I couldnt believe it... but I forgave him, for a few reasons. The first is that i love him. Secondly, we just moved in together and are (or at least I thought) committed to spending our lives together. He broke down when I told him that I had found out what he'd been doing, he cried and said he loved me, cant believe he hurt me, was just being immature and stupid. He isn't a player in real life, he is quiet and actually very shy and not outgoing at all. He is kind and not a horrible person. But I struggle to understand how he could do something like this pretty much throughout our entire relationship (I saw the dates of the chats)I just cant seem to move on though. It was a month ago that I confronted him, and he was in such a state hyperventilating and crying, thinking I would leave him. We did talk about it, and I tried to get to the root of what was wrong with our relationship for him to do that, but he insisted nothing! He said nothing was wrong, that he loved me, he loved our house, he loved everything, and he was just being 'stupid' and 'immature' that it meant nothing. He cancelled his account, but I don't know if I 100% trust him anymore... I want to, and he probably wont ever do it again. But who knows.I can't leave him because I love him and we want to make this work now... but I feel soooo hurt and confused.... and finding it hard to forget about it and move on.... I think about it 90% of the time, and I don't know whether to bring it up with him or if it will just cause more upset than its worth, because he is a very sensitive person and whenever we were talking about it before he just kept crying. Do I just keep going in the hope that the thoughts will fade and we'll end up back to normal somehow, or keep bringing it up and talking about it with him? Please help!
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 December 2009): He doesn't love you. You are committed to spending your lives together, but he apparently isn't. You will never be able to trust him after this.
In my opinion, if you stay with him, the hurt and confusion will never go away. Why should he be the one crying his eyes out when YOU were the one wronged? I think that was just a ploy to make you stay, feel guilty, and not want to bring it up anymore. I 100% think you should leave him and never look back. Those thoughts are never going to fade, and bringing it up over and over is not going to solve anything; in fact, he may start getting mad at you for 'not letting it go.'
How can you still love someone after they cheat on you and break your heart?
A
male
reader, DoubleM  +, writes (28 December 2009):
 This is similar to the very prominent pornography problems we hear about so frequently. As wonderful as the new onlinr technology advances may be, there is a downside. For instance, pornography has become so easily attainable that many almost prefer it to dealing with the issues in a real relationship, and your guy apparently cannot resist the lure of potential online hookups.
He may just be doing it as a tease, as most online females (teasers) are doing, but he might also fall for a bona fide offering. In my opinion, these are issues that may affect almost every relationship into the future, and I cannot offer any certain solution to it. One thing is to do whatever it takes to make each other sexually happy in personal lives, and include a lot of love and caring.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 December 2009): Right. Now this may seem harsh however comming from someone who is in a relationship where what you have discribed is not classed as cheating this is not harsh at all.
This guy gets a kick out of girls on the internet. This is just like him masterbating to porn. I will give you soem advice forgive him and if you dont want him to do it then see how he responds to you telling him that your considering doing the same thing. Perhaps you could even say that your thinking of doing sexlines of a sexy webcam site of your own.
It might sound mad but putting the shoe on the other foot for him might make him see how you feel. But what might happen is he might be fine with it. You will have to deal with this if you get there. Im betting he will not be happy with the idea of you swapping nude pics with guys on the internet.
Good luck
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