A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hi. I am confused and needing some opinions. I am 24 years old, married my high school sweet heart, and have a 2 year old daughter. At the beginning of the year my husband's parents and younger brother moved in with us, causing an obvious problem. He really doesnt see any problem, he says he does but it really does not bother him like it does me. Besides that, we started a business with them, so not only do they live with us but they are now tied to us financially. When this first started it drove me insane, I wanted an escape and found one. I had an affair. It wasnt for spite, it wasnt melicious, it simply happened and I take the blame. I should not have trusted myself with a so called friend. The affair on top of my other problems caused me to start having anxiety attacks, I eventually had a severe panic attack on my birthday and that's when I started getting help. I ended the affair, I started therapy, I got on medicine, I started doing a bible study at my church, I got involved with a school and am now the assistant basketball coach, I have pushed myself to work on my marriage. I force myself to respond to my husband, I send him text throughout the day, I love on him at night, we have sex 3 and 4 times a week, but when it comes to loving him, like to actually be "in love" with him, I know I dont. I love him because he is my safety net.And please dont think I dont spend time with my daughter, she is my whole life. She supercedes any need my husband may have, I go out of my way everyday to spend as much time with her as possible. This priority I have set in my life is one my husband has not done, she is not his priority. It seems helping his parents is his priority. He is trying to make his actual family his priority but it still hurts because he chooses them over us day in and day out. So I'm sure your wondering when did I have time to have an affair? Mostly while I was at work I would text the guy, we had built a relationship that way, and we only met in person a few times for short periods of time. My husband does not know about the affair, and he will not know. I will not cause him pain because I can't bare the guilt. Even if I do divorce him, he will never find out. Now that you know the gist of my situation, here is my question. What do you do when you try to rebuild a marriage and feel nothing for your spouse? Is it possible to repair this relationship to a point where I will ever be more than just content? I understand divorce is messy and I am terrified to put my little girl through it, that's why I'm fighting so hard. Is it possible that staying together is easier than divorce? I am trying to find a reason not to file... please help me!
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affair, at work, divorce, moved in, period, text Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (19 October 2010): If Your marriage is not working out maybe you need to spend some time apart and think about your relationship
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 October 2010): I can relate to you in a way that i can tell you are not really happy. You are putting your happiness aside for your daughter and your husband. I do the same thing, even though I cannot tell myself to leave my realtionship, I can tell you to. We only have one life, what is the purpose of life? In my opinion is to live and be happy, when you are making other people happy, you are not going to be happy. You are in charge of your own happiness no one is in charge of yuor happiness and you are not incharge of anyones eles happiness (or at least thats how it should be) One day and i am so scared of this day if it ever comes, but your daughter will see it, she'll probably be much older, but she will. I am not happy in my relationship, and I dont think i have been really ever. I dont know why I have stayed but 6 years later i am in the same spot. I put on a smile and make everyone believe that I am happy, but im not. I can only tell strangers on this post that I am unhappy. Anybody in my real life that asks, I tell them i am happy. I dont know why i do this and i cant stop. But you, I would say let them know, maybe your not weird like me.
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A
male
reader, Ven +, writes (18 October 2010):
I don't want to sound harsh, but you are trying to make a marriage work when you admit to not loving nor trusting this man with your secrets.
Get couples counseling. Your marriage has to be the first priority for both of you (even above your child), or it will suffer. You sound like you are trying so hard, but guidance will help you realize whether or not you are making efforts in the right places or not. And there you can also talk about how his family is driving you nuts.
But honestly, I don't know how you plan on keeping big secrets from him and making the marriage work.
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