A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:Question for the Men on this site! Now this might sound a little bit weird and a little bit silly, but I am thinking in the next couple of years I might like a boyfriend. I have had previous boyfriends but they didn't go very well, and just so you know as i've been told before, this is just a question I know i'm young and I have all the time in the world for men so to speak but I just want to know something. I have a really hard time attracting boys, and i'm not a complete potato so I know i'm doing something wrong but I don't really know what. I tend to not be very girly, I like to play games, can take boyish jokes, not bothered all the time about looking 100% nice and sticking on fake nails and hair extensions. The thing is I can't really attract anyone? If I do, they tend to be nobs, and most the time any boy i'm interested in puts me in the "male friendzone" if that exists and I become more of a sister to them. I like that but not all the time, I don't understand how girls can just like a guy and a month later they are together, i've never really had that happen to me. So what makes you attracted to a girl? And what kind of things makes you not attracted to them? Is there anything looks wise which is a big yes or a big no no? And do you men geniunely find girls who like the same things as you and can join in with all the banter and chat about games and whatever attractive or not? Is there any tips anyone could give me to give out the right signals, I don't even know how to flirt to be honest :L Thanks.
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male
reader, Gauntlet  +, writes (5 February 2014):
 Oh, my ! My text is full of typos...
" aspirations of your heart"
-- don't ever abdicate the deep aspirations of your heart.
" and their company worse waiting a little bit."
--- and their company worth waiting a little bit.
Sorry.
A
male
reader, Gauntlet +, writes (5 February 2014):
I am with iAmHereToHelpYou regarding your situation. Don't take frustration to see others having fun (basically doing nonsense things which, often, they will regret to have done for a long time) and aspirations of your heart.
About being a little chubby: it's not always a problem, and even most of the more desirable women on earth are more chubby than skinny. Look at Bridget Jones: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bridget_Jones
About cleverness: that's right, it can be a turn off for a lot of people. But you will soon find out that there are people for whom it's a turn on, and their company worse waiting a little bit. You will never be happy with a - even if sensual - moron.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 February 2014): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI wasn't dissing other girls for wearing fake nails and hair extensions, I do think they look nice but they just aren't always for me. I like being the way I am, I like fitting in with guys because I get on with them so much better, but sometimes I put on an act, I get scared to show any feminine side, because I kinda see it as a weakness. It might sound really strange, but I am a tough cookie, I like the way guys can call eachother names and laugh about it, while as girls get offended. I have female friends too don't get me wrong, but if I had a choice between having a girly night in or going to play some cards with a bunch of guys, i'd choose the guys. I don't look like a boy, I have nice eyes, nice lips, I wear winged eyeliner all the time, I love my clothes, and my black boots, I wear whats in fashion depending if I like it, I have very long brown hair (which i'm getting cut shortish tomorrow) that i've dyed purple mutiple times, and I do most days put make up on and look my best. I am short and a little bit chubby, i'm not huge, even though theres nothing wrong with that, and i'm planning on losing weight very soon. I guess one thing which I have thought might scare them away is because I am deep down insecure, and it does show, but i'm getting better with the confidence, I find it hard to be heard, if i'm talking and someone else starts talking I get ignored and they start listening to someone else, no matter how hard I speak people just sometimes don't notice me. Not to mention (not being cocky at all) but I am very intelligent, I am one of them A* students who gets 10/10 on everything even if I didn't mean to, I know loads of useless facts and sometimes in college i'm even teaching the rest of the class, I know that can scare people away. I want to show of a more feminine side when it comes to my personality, but it feels like i'm letting my guard down, and I don't know why? Thank you for answering my questions you have helped loads, I think I need to get the confidence up and be more obvious when I am attracted to someone and try and get my feminine side out more in my personality. Thankyou very much :)
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 February 2014): You did say you're not into nails and hair extensions?
If it's not your choice, don't knock it for other girls.
You're not too girly? Don't be too plane-Jane!!! At your age, boys are looking for the girly girls. Also remember you are still developing physically, and your body is changing. You may look younger than you are. Maybe older than other girls your age; so boys get intimidated even when they know your age. That would make him look like a kid next to you. They automatically think you'd prefer older boys. Some girls look like women at 14.
Boys are going through puberty at 16, and not really sure what they're looking for. They're not as mature as girls at that age. They just think there should be a clear and visible distinction between girls and boys. They learn better about that as they get older. You'll always mature a little more ahead of boys. That will work to your advantage when you're ready to date.
Most boys want to impress their mates how nice his girl looks and how she stands out around other girls. That doesn't mean she has to look perfect or like a model. That's an exaggeration some girls come up with, to justify or explain their insecurities about their own looks. They hate themselves first; then blame boys for it.
You have to love yourself for who you are and be proud.
Don't allow criticism from either girls nor boys to make you feel bad about yourself. That's weakness they might use to make you miserable. All girls are pretty in their own unique way, and there are boys who take notice of that.
That's the mistake girls make about what we're thinking. That's their problem. Girls tend to compare themselves to the prettier girls; because they're jealous, and get intimidated. Thinking that's what the boys think. Not really. If you aren't a boy. You can't think like us.
She doesn't have to be a beauty-queen, just have confidence and realize that she is just as interesting and cool as any other girl. That will show in her attitude, and it makes her more attractive. Just don't worry about what boys are thinking. It just might be something really stupid; but you'll never really figure us out. We don't know what we're thinking half the time. Just make sure they treat you with respect and kindness. Take no foolishness or abuse.
Expect to be frustrated with boys your age, they are often nervous and clumsy around girls. They pretend to be brave around their buddies; then chicken out, and clam up around a girl they like. They are just as nervous that you will not find them handsome; as girls think boys won't find them pretty. This will go on until his 20's and longer.
If you're lanky and in braces; that's not how you'll
look forever. Some people are late bloomers or ugly-ducklings that blossom later than their peers.
We take hell for that. It's kid's stuff. You just try to be tough. Same goes for being friend-zoned. Be tough. It will change.
Lots of boys probably like you, but don't know how to approach you. Especially girls who are outgoing and have a lot of friends. Guys sometimes shy away; because they are afraid your friends might criticize them, or your group might make fun of him. Sometimes jealous female-friends scare boys away. So make sure when boys approach you, your friends behave. Pull away when they get catty. Meet him when they are not around.
If you behave like "one of the guys" around boys; that's just how they might treat you.
Never change to fit-in. Choose friends that fit you.
You don't have to be prissy and frilly to be feminine and a little soft. You can still be a jeans and sneakers girl; but add a little lip-gloss, or do something nice with your hair to make boys take notice. If you look like a boy, they don't tend to notice you're a girl.
They may still like you, but they'll see you as a girl who fits in with the fellas. Some girls don't mind that. There's nothing wrong with that, if you don't.
It will always be confusing and illogical. You learn as you go. You ask your mother, and older girls how they deal with boys.
Don't assume you're doing anything wrong; it just may be the wrong boys.
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A
male
reader, CMMP  +, writes (4 February 2014):
I doubt you're doing anything wrong. At your age many guys are intimidated by girls, even if they are attracted to them.
It is important to express interest. If you like a guy and suspect he likes you, do things that make it clear that you like him (I'll leave figuring out how to you or google).
Unless you are really doing something wrong (being rude, crude, not taking care of yourself, etc) than don't worry about changing. The best relationships people have is when you are yourself and that's exactly why someone loves you. It's a great feeling and one that you can only have if you just be yourself.
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