A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:About 10 months ago I discovered my husband was in a relationship with a female co-worker. I packed his bag and asked him to leave. We have a small child so I agreed that he could visit with him every other weekend and stay at our home during the visits. During this time of course I was very depressed...lost alot of weight and tried to redefine myself. He became very angry asking why I had not done this for him while he was with me. He assumed that I had found someone else, but I was doing this only for me. He continued with his relationship, but eventually began asking me to have sexual relations with him. I did this for a while I thinking we were rebuilding our relationship. If he would have any issues he would call me or come to talk to me about them. I am a fixer by nature, always took care of everything. Three times he has come home, twice asking me to work on our marriage. The last time he told me that he had never gotten over me. He told his girlfriend that they were over and he was going home to his wife and family to repair the damage. She would not leave him alone and would call him and text him non stop, and eventually he would run back to her. I have told him we are thru, no more chances. I do not call him or contact him in any way. He will be quiet for a few days and then the text messages start, I try not to respond but he becomes very aggitated and I become fearful of him. I am trying to move on and away from him, but I was left in a house that I must sell before I can leave. This past week, he started texting me, first just showing concern, then anger that he decided I had found someone else, they began making sexual comments. I ignored him but woke later to him in my bedroom. He had come wanting sex. I was very in love with this man and would have done anything to fix our marriage, but now I know its over and I just want him to leave me alone, but how can I make him. He does not seem any Happier than he was before, and if he is so happy with her, why does he continue to come back to me??? I am so confused. What do I do? How do I move on if he will not leave me alone?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 July 2009): time for a restraining order. NOW. ( i will not focus on the retraining order here because the others have given you valuable insight on this)
YOUR post has reminded me of something my colleagues talk about - a lot of people take all the sh1t they can until one day they say ENOUGH. and you have said it. WELL DONE. this man wants it all. you, his lover a home and so forth. you deserve so much more, and i am so glad you realise it. i think you are an inspiration to other wives who have loved and lost their hbs. yes, the man you once loved will always be a part of you but you have proven that you can and will survive. he doesn't want to leave you alone because he is an emotional blackmailer. he doesn't want you and he doesn't want any other man to have you. Sad thing is he doesn't have you anymore. I read your words with such joy to know that at least one person has moved on and is doing all right. glad you have lost that weight, redefined yourself and also started loving yourself as well. i am sure ths makes you fll like a million dollars. during yor painful days you re evaluated your life and the results are great.
slowly you will open your life to another man again and your hb has to realsise that there is no turning back for you. you only have the best years ahead of you and he can see it. he is panicked and he is scared. he knows that it is over. but his selfishness doesn't want to allow you the freedom. you see, your season is here and your season says ;welcome to the new you.
i think your story can help others on this site. well done and good luck. you have come so far. please do not turn back. your hb is yesterdays news. yes, you may still love the cheater and you may still care for him but boy oh boy he is being eaten alive. you have shown him that you do not need him. you have shown him that you are a survivor and that you will succeed without him. slowly please open your heart and soul to love again. love is a beautiful thing with the right person. pity this person isn't your hb, when you are ready choose wisely and choose knowingly. and please let us know. your happiness is around the corner. good things come to those that wait.
as for your ex, karma is a bitch. his wheel has just turned.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 July 2009): Being a 'fixer' is a confusing way to go through life, because we hook up with guys and then think we can fix THEM. I finally got freedom from loosers when I began to truly understand that I was in love with what could be in any particular relationship, rather than what the reality is. The truth is, we cannot fix people! You are in love with a fixer upper, find yourself someone who is already the way you would like him to be (as in monogamous).
Monogamy is a way of life, either you believe in it or you don't. Your husband has proven that he doesn't believe in monogamy (for him). You cannot fix that, it is a belief system he holds onto based on his experiences in life. You will never be happy while in a relationship with him. Even if he buckled down (to please you, but not because he believes it is right) you would be very suspicious of his every move. This alone can drive you insane.
You are already half-way to getting over him, finish down the path you started on and find that man that is waiting for you to enter his life. A loving, monogamous man :)
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 July 2009): Hmm if its really that serious get a restraining order took out on him.If you are afraid of him and he wont leave you alone and even though its a bit extreme, hes scaring you and its the only way he`ll leave you alone.you also need to change your locks as hes finding his way into your house.thats the most important thing you need to do first is change your locks! next either email/letter/text him you want him to leave you alone,that its over,you want to move on and he should too after all he cheated on you in the first place and destroyed your marriage.Im scared for you though so firstly I really cant stress enough to change your locks as im guessing hes going to be mad you say to leave you alone.please be careful around this man.
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A
female
reader, May13 +, writes (5 July 2009):
 You didn't lose weight because he never asked you in a polite way. Nor has he asked you if both of you can exercise not just you by yourself but he too. It would somehow a bit build your relationship but since both of you are already divorced don't ever let him have relations with you. He did wrong and he shouldn't be using you for the sex. He cheats on you and then he does it to the other person now he is with. He's going to keep doing this until he gets his way without talking to you in a firm way.
And if you do try to be together he must change and you will to. Don't take huge steps, take small steps. Like gain yourself respect and your self-esteem for now. And if he wants to come along let him if he wants to repair his relationship with you. If he gets really defensive all the time. Then it's not going to work, then you can move on and change for yourself.. And if you agree to change then change, don't let anybody tell you what to do but for your self first and think for yourself no one else. Lust doesn't rebuild a relationship it is just lust no more just that.
And get a restraining order if he keeps somehow scaring you or you think that he will or might do something stupid. You know him how he acts through your marriage and put those divorce papers when you had enough of his childish behavior, you need a man not a baby to take care of, you already have a baby. And if you do divorce and put restraining order if you want. Don't have relations since somtimes you must go to court and they might ask at times personal questions in your lives.. And if you had ever had relations in those months and if you two did probably they wouldn't approve of the divorce. Change numbers too.
Ok. read the rest of your story little by little, writing while going through each paragraph.
I say restraining order and you want to be left alone.
And it seems like he wants to keep making excuses and manipulating you so he can have want he wants. He wants to keep messing around it doesn't seem like he wants to change.
And get to know other people, first friends then dating this time, then lovers if you want to and feel like yourself and comfortable to talk to that person whatever you have on your mind. And some men don't like it when you talk about the ex. So take it slow and if they ask, ask them do you really want to know and if i do tell you i can't stop. That's if you can't or just don't want to talk about it now since your not ready.
Any questions more ask.
Hopefully this helps.
May13
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A
female
reader, Starlights  +, writes (5 July 2009):
 if your husbands hounding you u can take the matter seriously and file for harrassment.
he shouldnt be coming into your room at early hours and pestering you.
this type of behaviour is not on.
he clearly likes to have his cake & eat it, hence why he has the two of you women on the go.
he doesnt sound like for keeps, so if u feel bullied or threatened do speak to the police.
u really dont know how far he could go.
good luck!
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